


From the Library of June Williams

by Ridiculosity



Series: Letters and Other Things; From Hogwarts, Found Elsewhere [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boarding School, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Or well its not realised, Practice Kissing, Secret Identity, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Wolfstar but only hints, which is why i dont want to tag that relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 79,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24855331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ridiculosity/pseuds/Ridiculosity
Summary: They said Sirius Black wasn't much of a reader. They were wrong, and June Williams hated the fact that she'd been the one to prove it. [Sirius Black x OC, with hints of Remus Lupin x Sirius Black. Yes, it is 2012 again!]
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Letters and Other Things; From Hogwarts, Found Elsewhere [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798249
Comments: 157
Kudos: 131





	1. AN: Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly wasn't going to post this on ao3, because it is a rewrite of the first fanfiction I ever wrote. It didn't seem like there would be any audience for this sort of thing on ao3, and I still doubt that anyone is actually going to be reading this. Whatever the case, fanfiction user junieyes convinced me to go ahead and publish it, because I really REALLY can't stand the ffnet format. As such, I'll try and publish whatever chapters I have put up there from the get go and then publish as per schedule! I don't know who is reading this, but I hope you have a good time. And also, the AN at the beginning of the fic was written a while ago - sometime in the beginning of the lockdown, incidentally. That's all I have for you for now!

To those who are coming from the older version of this - that is, _[My Dear Fellow](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9213300/1/My-Dear-Fellow): _welcome. 

To the newcomers: what _were_ you doing on the Sirius Black x OC tag in the year of our lord 2020? If you're looking for So Far, this ain't it.

Alright, to begin: Hello, my name is Ridiculosity. I first wrote this story when I was fifteen and the only thing I wanted in my life was to live in Hogwarts and fall in love with Sirius Black. I made a lot of friends writing the older version of this story, and have continued loving them. I have written a lot, suffered through the death of two grandparents, finished my twelfth grade, undergrad, and even postgrad. We've had political upheaval in my country, social upheaval in my life, and emotional upheaval in my family. But you all know that - I'm sure it happened to you guys, too.

When I started writing this story, I was lonely. Now, in the middle of a lockdown that is proving painfully bad for a country that is already half fascist and keeps getting worse - I find myself looking to Hogwarts again. This is unfortunate, as I strongly dislike Rowling now. But we love the stories from our childhood for a reason. Stuck inside a childhood home with my childhood books is inviting trouble. I rewrite this story for a younger version of me - it's original is something I stand by, since I was fifteen and silly. But it was also a story that isn't always believable, and one that wouldn't appeal to me anymore. I would like to write something my fifteen-year-old self could bury herself in, something that she would read and reread, and maybe even recommend. I hope this updated version is something she would love. I hope it makes her happy.

A short disclaimer: as I said, I actually don't like any of the stuff Rowling has come up with more recently. As such, please consider everything written after the seventh book retconned. Another disclaimer: I mentioned this in my author's note in the old story, but I'm more of a Sirius x Remus shipper now. You _will_ see hints of that here. Lastly, I am older now, and it's a very different relationship I have with Harry Potter - I think when I was fifteen, it was easy to forget that the story of the Marauders' is just such a fucking tragedy. It's fucking heartbreaking. It's hard to forget that _now_ \- so I will remind you from time to time, as well.

You will also see elements that have carried from the older story. For instance, one of my favourite OCs - Annie, has been changed quite a bit in writing a new character, Sarah. Annie was originally based on nornling. I hope she's reading this, but I don't actually expect a lot of you here. The premise of the original has also changed drastically, as has June's character, even including her name. I think Leto didn't sit right with me as a believable name. This newer story is written very differently, with some newer and cleaner elements, but with all the love for the original.

And, because I've not done this since Archive of Our Own and it gives me a kick to do it: I don't own any of this, it all belongs to Mrs Rowling.

Let's begin!

Love,

Ridiculosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the link in case you want to read this fic where it was originally published: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13579249/1/From-the-Library-of-June-Williams


	2. Prologue

It all started with him having no regard for the property of others.

Most people borrow things with some amount of respect, she thought to herself. They ask politely if they can take a book from their classmate, or they give an excuse for why their quills are missing. Not Sirius Black – he operated with all the confidence of popularity that June did not possess. He did not think twice before stealing – _stealing!_ her copy of _Pride and Prejudice._ Years later, no matter how many times he told her that really it was the fault of the doxy, she would waspishly point to the fact that he was the one who had brought the doxy in the Gryffindor common room.

It was only the beginning of the sixth year when the doxy was introduced to the Gryffindor common room. Potter and Black and the rest of the more boisterous Gryffindors were attempting to have fun at the expense of the creature, and if she hadn’t been a little less shy she might even have intervened on its behalf. She was shy, and she had no particular love for doxies – creatures that were prone to bite her when she wandered a little too deep into the Forbidden Forest. June Williams had surrounded herself with books then, piles of various different subjects. She didn’t particularly feel like going up to the dormitories, not while she would have to carry so much of her stuff with her. She was poring over an essay for Herbology, making detailed little notes in the margin of her book. It was a bad habit, she knew – but she paid for the books herself, and she had no friends to borrow any of her books from her. 

June Williams is not much to look at. She was of slight build, practically tiny by some standards. Puberty hadn’t done her many favours – she hadn’t much of a body, with small feet and small hands. She’s a little thing, and a cute one, if she ever chose to remove the hair from her face. As such, her bangs ensure that her eyes disappear, and with her eyes, everything about June Williams manages to disappear.

She wasn’t very good at being visible anyway, as she told herself. She was no good at performing, nothing about being around people came easy to her. She could count the social interactions she liked on one hand. When she had come to Hogwarts, she had been keenly aware of what a frightening lot the Gryffindors were. Hufflepuff would be better suited to her, but she didn’t feel particularly loyal or very intrinsically human either. She had been placed in Gryffindor, and over five years, she had learned how to live without jumping at every sound her people made.

She scribbled again in the margin of her book, chewing on her pen. Nothing, not even Hogwarts had managed to convince her to stop using pens. She still kept a full box of pencils, pens, a rubber, and a sharpner. It helped during classes in which she wanted to doodle, which was how she had managed Professor Binns’ classes without sleeping. She was always paying attention, even if she wasn’t very visible.

She shut her eyes as she heard an explosion of laughter from the other side of the common room. Sirius Black had lost track of the doxy, and James Potter was attempting to capture it. June rolled her eyes to herself, but on they continued.

“You’re in _so_ much trouble, James Potter!” said Mary Macdonald crossly.

James attempted to reach for the doxy again, to no avail. It wriggled out from his fingers.

June frowned at her book and tapped her pen to her nose. She looked up without thinking about her surroundings, piling her books up into one large stack. Briefly, she made a note of the doxy and slipped to her dormitory, carrying the stack with her.

“Sirius, it’s getting away!” yelled James Potter.

Sirius Black, ran ahead of the doxy, grabbing his Transfiguration text book. He held it like a weapon, and turned to search for the doxy ––

“ _FUCK.”_

Black’s face was not covered in bite marks, but one was bad enough where doxies were concerned. He dropped his book on the table that had been occupied by June.

He raised his arms and batted the creature away, which had already made its point. It tried to fly away, but Black was thinking quickly –

_WHACK._

The doxy splattered on the window, blue blood leaking from its small body.

“ _Cool!”_

This was said by James Potter. The rest of the crowd that hung on everything the little club of boys did followed him eagerly as they poked the arms and legs of the murdered doxy.

The book in question may have been damaged too, but Sirius Black was too busy with the body of the recently murdered to take any notice. He stowed the book into his bag without looking at it at all.

June returned after all the drama was over, and squeaked to find the rowdy crowd had migrated so close to her table. She quickly stacked the rest of her books, stuffed her notes and sheets in her bag, and hightailed to the dormitory. It was getting reasonably late, and she preferred a little bit of quiet over any of this.

The table, now empty of all books, looked suspicious. Until Lily Evans decided to settle down, poring over her own, very different Potions essay.

And that’s how it all started. Perhaps it was the doxy, perhaps it was Sirius Black’s disregard for rules and the possessions of others – but certainly, some of the blame could be attributed to June’s penchant for spreading all her books out _everywhere_. 


	3. A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration by Emeric Switch

"Wake _up,_ Marlene!"

June clambered out of bed blearily. She wasn't very keen on being on Lily's bad side at the moment. She wasn't friends with Evans or McKinnon or even Macdonald for that matter – but Lily had a tendency to assume a level of comfort with everyone. She could scold easily, without thinking.

"We're _late,"_ Lily added vehemently, as Marlene stumbled out of bed herself.

"No, Lily, _you're_ late," said Marlene, dragging herself to the toilet. June was already brushing her teeth as Marlene glared at her openly.

"We have class with McGonagall," called Mary. June heard the sound of sheets being dusted off. She washed her face with a scrub.

"McGonagall is _not_ expecting me to be on time," said Marlene. She took out her toothbrush and squeezed the paste bottle with a vengeance. "You done with that, Williams?" she added, as June put her facewash away.

June nodded.

She slipped out of the bathroom to find Lily glaring at the door. "June, put some cold cream," she said quickly.

"Oh. Yes," said June. She wordlessly took the bottle of cold cream that Mary handed her, and smeared if over her face.

"Your skin looks very dry," said Lily, a little apologetic.

Again June nodded. She had often noticed Lily being particularly nice to her, or doing her best to make June less shy – but it was truly a lost cause. It was Lily, specifically, that was the problem. If Lily was anyone even a fraction less intimidating – not half as popular, maybe less smart, or even less beautiful – she would have been successful. She would have found a witty and clever June Williams, fully willing to be friends with Lily Evans. As it was, Lily's inordinate kindness and consideration had never really managed to penetrate June's opaquely shy exterior.

June slung her bag and didn't wait for the rest of them. She didn't like pretending friendship where there was none – she headed downstairs. She spotted the Marauders on her way down and carefully avoided them. She didn't have to try too hard lately – no one really cared about her that much. After everyone had grown out of their thirteen-year-old phase of being cruel to quiet kids, it had been somewhat easy going for June. And really, she ought to be thankful. She didn't have anything that set her too far apart – she wasn't fat, she wasn't particularly short, she wasn't very particular looking in any way. She wasn't a Slytherin, either. After the first three years of casual bullying and cruelty, nothing had been too terrible.

Sirius Black had been the worst of the lot. The needless teasing and bullying had left her very tongue tied around him.

She hurried downstairs to the Great Hall, settled down in one corner of the table where no one else liked sitting, and pulled out her book to read. She had been indulging herself a little in fiction – reading _Mills and Boons_ of all things. But she'd never take something like that out in the Great Hall. She settled for her copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird._

She spooned her eggs moodily. Her book was propped against the jug of juice, but she wasn't paying attention to it. It was a paperback copy, which made it hard to prop the thing up on anything. It kept falling. She wished she had more money for a hardback, but she was already running low. The summer jobs had helped, and taking the Knight Bus to Fortescu's had saved her some money. She hadn't _bought_ as many books as she ought to, and whatever money the Ministry gave Muggleborns wasn't enough to cover anything that wasn't second hand.

She didn't _need_ the money. But the lack of it, over the years, had begun to trouble her. It hadn't mattered as much when she was younger and there was less to spend on. And she may not have friends, but she liked going to Hogsmeade. It was honestly _lucky_ she didn't have friends. The lack of money would seriously pinch if she had people to spend it with.

"You heading for class, Williams?"

June looked up. It was Dorcas Meadows, and she seemed supremely unconcerned by the fact that June was struggling to read her book and eat breakfast at the same time.

"Yeah," said June.

"You have McGonagall, don't you?" asked Meadows, eating her toast.

June nodded.

"Oh, good. I was worried it would be the third years. She's always in a bad mood after she has third years, and I have to speak to her about my career plans."

"Good luck," said June.

"I'll need more, but thanks for offering," said Dorcas. "See you later."

June wished she was in seventh year, like Dorcas. She was sort of tired of Hogwarts.

Lately she had been feeling like she kept _waiting_ for her life to happen, and nothing really did. The lack of social life didn't hurt her that much, but she was beginning to suspect that it had something to do with it. Her days were beginning to look too similar.

She shut her book and finished the last of her eggs. She was going to visit Hagrid, she decided. For now, it was time for class. And she wanted a reasonable seat because Professor McGonagall was demanding even on the best days.

June took a shortcut she knew to the transfiguration classroom. Even with the shortcut, the class was somewhat filled up by the time she reached. She took a desk in the inconspicuous middle and settled down, waiting for the classroom to fill up in bits and bobs. She overheard conversations between people who were not paying attention to her. She made a note of some of the secrets being passed around.

Lily Evans was arguing with James Potter again. This time, he really was trying not to rile her up. Lily sometimes did these things out of habit, June thought.

Sirius Black was flirting with the cute girl from Hufflepuff. Evanna something – and Remus was rolling his eyes a little. Only Pettigrew seemed somewhat impressed.

"Hey, can I sit here?" asked Mary Macdonald.

June nodded briefly. A hush fell over when they heard McGonagall approaching.

"Alright, everyone, chapter four in your books," said Professor McGonagall, by way of greeting.

June sighed to herself. She frowned as she felt for the book in her bag. It wasn't that it was missing – it just seemed… _different._

Here's the thing: June had bought a second-hand edition. Because the Wizarding world committed to the _aesthetic_ as much as it did, it _was_ a hardback. But she had memorised the feelings of each of her books, and this wasn't a second-hand copy. This looked brand new – somewhat old, but certainly bought for the purposes of this term. It wasn't her book, that much was obvious. June touched the spine, on the lettering which was not faded or old.

"Something the matter, Miss Williams?" barked McGonagall.

June went pink and shook her head. She opened this… this impostor of a book to chapter four. That's when things became really strange for her – there were notes scribbled in the margins. Not notes about transfiguration, like she tended to have. There was a very conspicuous note-passing going on in the margins of this book – black ink had spilt conversations between two friends.

Three friends, she thought to herself. There were three distinct sets of handwritings.

_Three tonight, Padfoot?_

Course.

_Let Wormy know._

She was confused. No one she knew had these names. Obviously, these were nicknames of a sort. She sorted through all the secrets she knew, trying to figure out just _who_ could have nicknames like this.

"What's up?" whispered Mary Macdonald.

"I think I have someone else's book," said June.

"Oh – well, you can return it later. Focus for now."

She was right. June put the handwriting out of her mind – until, of course, she stumbled on the owner of the book wailing that he was about to tear his hear out and gouge his eyeballs if McGonagall didn't stop talking about vanishing things. Then she giggled.

* * *

She shuffled her feet and looked out at the setting sun. She knocked sharply on the door. The sound of a giant bed creaking could be heard as Hagrid wrenched the door open.

"June!" said Hagrid happily.

"Hello," she said, rubbing her shoes on the footmat. "How are you?"

"Been okay," said Hagrid. "An' you? Classes alright?"

June wrinkled her nose. She sat down in Hagrid's giant chair. She liked feeling like a small thing inside it – it was the best place to cuddle in. Hagrid grinned at her and poured a cup of tea for her. She smiled back earnestly.

"It's the first week, June," said Hagrid. "Why're you already here?"

"I hate everyone?" she offered.

"You don't hate anyone," he scoffed.

She sighed. "Fine. But I wanted to ask you something –" she pulled out the book that had been on her mind for most of the day. "I know you probably don't know – but, erm – do you know this handwriting?"

Hagrid squinted at the handwriting. "No," he said. "Check the front of the book. Maybe the owner wrote his name."

June flipped to the front of the book. In the spiky, black handwriting, the only thing that was written in the corner of the page was: S.O.B

"Any luck?"

"No," said June, her heart thumping. "None."

* * *

It wasn't him, it couldn't be him, _please_ someone _say_ it wasn't him.

She scrambled to her dormitory and tore through her piles and piles of books. There were all the paperbacks she had managed to get her hands on this summer, which she had stacked neatly in the box under her bed. Everything was in place – except.

"What the _hell?"_ she murmured to herself.

She had found her _own_ copy of _A Guide to_ _Advanced Transfiguration_. There it was, with all the notes in the margins and everything – only none of them were conversations. It was only just stuff McGonagall had said in class.

Someone had a book of hers that was _not_ transfiguration. She pored over her titles, trying to make a tally of all the things she had brought with her from home and all the things she remembered she ought to have.

"Oh, _fuck,"_ she said emphatically.

Her _Pride and Prejudice_ was missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that! I'm doing it, everyone. There's the prologue and the first chapter. If there actually is anyone reading this, please do review!


	4. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

You did not usually find the Marauders studying, but once in a while, Remus insisted. And because most of them wanted to keep on Remus' better side, they followed. At times. Sirius wasn't indulging any of his dreams of having all four of them _studying,_ but he did have a letter from his uncle that he had wanted a little time to really study. As a rule, he didn't bother contacting his family too often. Sirius' uncle was good at keeping him updated on his mother's latest insanity, and it was a good way to keep an eye on his brother.

James was playing with a snitch that he had nicked from the grounds. Peter was the only one actually trying to do his essay for Potions, while Remus was putting finishing touches to a diagram for Herbology. Once he was done, he danced his pen on his finger and looked at Sirius.

"Sirius, do you have your _Advanced Transfiguration?_ I've let Evans borrow mine," said Remus.

"What the _hell?"_ demanded James, letting the snitch slip from his hands.

"She asked for it, James," said Remus patiently.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Here," he said, digging through his bag and dropping a book on Remus' lap.

"Sirius? This isn't _Advanced Transfiguration."_

Sirius finally looked up from his letter. "What?"

"It's a novel. Jane Austen," said Remus, flipping through the book. "I haven't read it, but I think my Mum likes it."

"Isn't this the muggle author Lily likes?" asked James, his ears perked up. Peter nodded.

"Why the hell do I have a copy of it?" Sirius mused. He grabbed it from Remus.

Remus shrugged. "Do you remember buying a copy of _Pride and Prejudice?"_

" _Terrible_ title," said Sirius.

Remus smirked. "It's a very famous book. Really popular."

"Still an awful title." He opened the book in question, and there, on the title page was an inscription:

_Dear Sarah,_

_Love and argument go well together._

_Yours,_

_Dave_

"Who the hell is _Sarah?"_ asked James.

"His girlfriend," said Peter instantly, a little gleam in his eye.

Sirius scoffed. "It's not my book."

"You must have exchanged it with someone. Is your transfiguration book missing?" Remus reasoned.

Sirius nodded. "I don't know any Sarahs, though."

"Sirius, you really are unbelievable," said Remus. "Sarah Freegood? She sits in charms?"

"What?"

"And Sarah Forester," added Peter. "She's a fourth year, though."

"How am I supposed to know any of these girls?" asked Sirius.

"Forester gave you a Valentine's card, mate," said James.

Sirius frowned. "Oh. Well, I still can't place her. I'll ask them tomorrow."

"Freegood's a Hufflepuff. And I think Forester is a Ravenclaw," added Remus.

"No Slytherins. Good," said Sirius. "Makes it easier."

"Dave's very thoughtful," sniggered Peter.

"Giving a girl a book is a bad decision," said Sirius sagely, flipping through the book. "She gets all sorts of ideas."

Remus snorted. "You have yours, James? Transfiguration textbook, I mean?"

Sirius wasn't listening any more. He had spotted too many notes and scribbles in the margin. The handwriting was kind of loopy and hard to read, but it looked very pretty. "Hey, what's this book about?"

Remus, with James' book in his hand turned to him. "I think it's a love story."

* * *

He didn't read a lot. Magazines sometimes, and textbooks for class – when things were _really_ desperate. He had never really needed to study that much. And he had never acquired much of a taste for fiction. Anyway, the Wizarding world wasn't much when it came to imagination: his theory was that the last creative thing that had been thought of was Floo powder, and ever since then the society was overrun by insane people like his mother.

He hadn't really planned on reading whatever was in the book – but he was kind of interested in what the handwriting was saying. At times, it was only an underlined set of lines, and an exclamation mark on the side. At times, there were reams of poetry scribbled on the side. Someone had loved this book intensely, with no regard for who may or may not be reading it later.

There were… multiple handwritings, which was confusing him. One was the loopy slightly illegible one, which was predominant. The second one was slightly more legible: it was pretty in a different way, and kind of round and cute looking. In one place, with sharp capitals, someone had underlined the line " _My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you on the subject will silence me forever."_ The handwriting on the side proclaimed:

_HE'S DONE A BETTER JOB THAN I WOULD HAVE, SARAH._

Whoever this Sarah was, she was certainly just as much in love with the handwriting man – _Dave?_ – as he was with her. Sirius wasn't… fond of this kind of thing. Romantic writing was not something he was particularly keen on, and nothing about this hero seemed desirable: he seemed in love with the heroine, to the point of saying some truly _embarrassing_ things.

"Why would a man say any of this?" he asked rhetorically to the room.

Everyone in the dormitory looked up, confused.

"Romantic stuff," said Sirius. "These bits, here."

Remus peered into the book.

"Seems like the kind of thing a girl would like?" James offered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Because everyone likes having nice things said, Sirius."

"But all of this is so… extreme," Sirius wrinkled his nose. James grabbed the book from him. His eyes travelled the page.

"You don't know what kind of relationship he shares with the heroine!" said James defensively. "Maybe he really loves her!"

Peter stood on his toes and read the book as well.

"That's _stupid,"_ said Peter. "No one should say that."

"Exactly!" said Sirius.

"I mean this is in the nicest way, Sirius, but if at any time you find yourself agreeing with Peter you know you are going to end up alone."

"Not if you end up with me, Moony," said Sirius with a wink.

Remus looked pink, but luckily it was dark. "Shut up, idiot. Return the book to the girl."

* * *

"It's not mine."

"What?" demanded Sirius.

"It's not mine," repeated Sarah. "And I know it isn't Sarah Forester's. This isn't her handwriting _or_ her taste."

"How the hell do you know her taste?" he asked.

"I'm friends with her sister. She's more of a fashion magazine girl."

"Damn it," he said, leaning back on the chair. The girl sitting behind them – some blonde haired little thing – jumped back.

"Why do you care?" asked Sarah. She was pulling at her bag, taking her Charms notebook out.

"Feels like it's an important book to the owner," said Sirius. "Thanks anyway, Sarah."

"No problem, Black," she said. "Why don't you put up a notice or something?"

"Telling everyone that I have someone's book?" he asked. "Every single girl would be claiming it as her own."

"Then tell everyone that they have to return your textbook back as proof," said Sarah. She flipped through her notebook.

He frowned. "No, they might give me their own textbooks or something."

"You really have to think ahead," she said sarcastically. "Go ask Evans, then. She might know."

"Why would Evans know?"

"She knows everyone."

"This is far more trouble than it's worth," he said. "Over a _stupid_ book where the boy is acting like a pansy."

Sarah scoffed. Even the small blonde girl looked slightly amused.

"What?" asked Sirius.

"You haven't _read_ it," Sarah pointed out. "You don't know _anything_ about Mr Darcy. And he's hardly a boy."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That sounds helpful, Sarah. I should read the book!"

"It might give you clues, you know," she said. "You said the girl left writing all over, didn't you? It might give you an idea as to who it is."

* * *

Stupid. This was stupid.

Sirius wasn't going to read it. He wasn't!

"For fuck's sake," he murmured, and opened the book.

The first, horrible thing that he saw was a small heart next to the first line of the novel. _It was a truth universally acknowledged,_ was it? he thought to himself savagely. Whatever, he was going to get through this tedium.

He looked up for a second, and remembered he was in the dormitory. He really didn't want to be walked in on by Remus or Peter or anyone else for that matter. He grabbed his bag – and to his own horror – headed to the library.

Madam Pince looked up in what he thought was a slightly judgemental stare. "What is it, Mr Black?" she asked, her voice clipped.

"Nothing, I just wanted some time to read."

She raised her eyebrows.

"You can keep this between us, can't you, Irma?" he asked charmingly.

She looked cross. She had a sharp, pretty face and her eyebrows were famous for having broken many hearts. Unfortunately, the only dates she seemed to accept were not from students. This left her mostly amongst the books.

"Leave by ten," she said, turning away from him.

"I love you!" Sirius called after her. She didn't turn back.

He walked amongst the shelves, trying to find a corner that he really couldn't be seen in. He saw someone sitting at most of the tables. Some of them were people he wanted to avoid. Some of them were girls in his fanclub that he didn't want to interact with more than necessary. When he finally found a table which was somewhat empty, he hesitated. The girl sitting at the table didn't seem concerned with what he might be reading – but she may be laughing behind his back. He had to risk it. The library seemed ridiculously popular around this time.

She was a blonde haired little thing – she looked somewhat familiar. She didn't look up when he sat down next to her. And then he peeled the book open. It was an old copy, he registered suddenly. Really, _really_ old. Like fifty or sixty years old.

Either way. He was going to read this thing – he was going to read this girly book about two people who fell in love. With the little decorated hearts dotting the owner's favourite lines.

The business of reading is a lot like falling in love: it wasn't with any clarity of perception that reading pushes forward. At times, it happens on a dare, at times, out of necessity – but once you learned how to love reading, it was a little impossible to stop. Sirius didn't know many of his thoughts while reading the book, and he struggled through the difficulty of the language initially. He couldn't see anything too compelling about the characters, and he certainly could not invest himself more than necessary. What made him read further was not the strength of the story, the relationships of the characters, or the scoffing face of Sarah Freegood. It was the notes written in the loopy handwriting on the sides of the margins.

He did not realise when the blonde girl sitting next to him left. The words occupied him completely after a while – nothing else, really, registered. A lot like falling in love.

At times, the owner had only written the briefest things – small hearts next to lines she loved, or small question marks and exclamation points. And then at other moments, she had written, " _Oh, he is so, so silly."_ And then at other times, " _Courage comes so naturally to Elizabeth, I wonder if she never had to practice it as much as I did."_

He frowned at the owner's writing as much as he did at whatever Mr Darcy was attempting by way of flirting. Her opinions on the characters were compelling enough to make him care about them, of course – but he was starting to wonder too often about _her._

She had scribbled doodles in the side at times, of women in ball gowns and dresses, at parties. On empty sheets, she had done a rendition of what could only be the Netherfield Ball. He didn't fancy any of what happened at the ball, but to his own disgust he found himself waiting for Mr Darcy to ask Elizabeth to a dance. At times, the owner had written little snippets of poems, and then he really _did_ frown. Where Elizabeth took to scrambling through the countryside for Jane's illness, she had looped her handwriting and written – _and then my heart with pleasure fills, and dances with the daffodils._

In the margins of Elizabeth and Mr Darcy's first dance, she had written simply, _To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love._ And then where Jane's heart broke at Mr Bingley's abandonment, she had written almost a litany: _if heartbreak is such a natural consequence of love, why do we even bother? Perhaps it is because women have to risk the heartbreak – it's necessary if they need any sort of financial independence. And men risk lesser when they risk heartbreak._

He frowned at this reader, who was spilling her thoughts on the sides of the book. It was grotesquely like watching someone fall in love. There were layers he was not understanding, and bits where he truly did want to roll his eyes and nothing more. But something about the writing was keeping him reading – it was like a compulsion he couldn't escape, even when it was nearing nine thirty and he had to go back to his common room.

Madam Pince removed him after a while. He was ashamed to say that she had to fairly kick him out, he was so engrossed. When he reached the common room, James looked at him up and down with a frown. "Where have you been?"

"Nowhere," said Sirius. "Leave me alone."

Remus shrugged. "You were missing since last class, Sirius.

"Yeah, well," said Sirius, uncomfortable. "We're not attached to the _hip,_ you know?"

"Speak for yourself," said James. "I'm attached to the hip."

"That's going to help you get Evans," said Sirius sarcastically. "I'm exhausted. Going to bed now."

"It's _ten o'clock,"_ Peter said.

"Sometimes, a man's tired around ten for some reason," said Sirius, offering no other explanation. He went to his bed and as soon as he collapsed on the pillows he opened to Elizabeth's journey to the Collinses.


	5. Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie

"No, James."

"But _please."_

"No," repeated Remus steadily. "Last time you asked me to ask her whether or not she liked boys with glasses, and I have never looked stupider."

"You would _never_ look stupid around Evans, Moony," said James earnestly. "Would he, Padfoot?"

"Hm?" said Sirius, barely focussing. "I agree with whatever I'm supposed to agree with."

James looked intently at Sirius. "What _are_ you reading?"

"That book about being in love," sniggered Peter.

"What?" asked James.

"He means _Pride and Prejudice,"_ said Remus long-sufferingly.

"That book you got by accident?" asked James. "Hasn't it been a week since you got it? Why are you still reading it?"

" _Re-_ reading it," Peter said.

" _Re-reading it?"_ repeated James, horrified.

"It's a good book," mumbled Sirius.

"Are you feeling alright, mate?"

Sirius turned away, slipping off the sofa. "Leave me alone."

He picked up his bag moodily and tried not to look at James' shock as he clambered out of the portrait hole.

He didn't know what to say to his friends. If anything, it was telling, of how little he was found reading usually. Anyway, he really did not want to have the book taken from him. He felt somewhat responsible for the girl who's handwriting was in the margins, the one who had said so many things to him.

As he walked down the corridor aimlessly, he looked outside one of the windows. He was feeling restless and… wordy. He felt like he had been packed with all of this girl's thoughts, this girl who he did not know. He had pored over the book and finished it an age back, and he had been surprised to find that he was happy with the ending. He was pleased with how the events unfolded, and he had wanted the hero to confess his love. What he had thought was too impassioned a declaration of love suddenly did not matter as much as the ending, as much as the happiness that had come to both the characters.

He sighed. Then he was momentarily shocked – he never _sighed_ over books.

He would walk to the large bridge that headed to the Forest. It was a pretty sort of evening – the sun was setting, and he felt oddly like he was having... well, whatever it was, it seemed bigger than his body. The air felt cool and slightly yellow.

He reached the bridge, looking out into the golden hour. The sun was indiscriminate: it painted everything yellow.

The castle seemed unreal for a moment. Wide, beautiful, tall against the sunlight.

Sirius was forced to admit: he had studied _her_ words. He had picked apart the shape of her letters, felt the thoughts she was having. As he read her writing more carefully, he was beginning to make out which thoughts had come early in her reading of the text. Which thoughts had happened on the second or third reading, and which thoughts had happened after she had thought about the book without reading it for a while.

He had to find this person. First of all, this book was important to her – second of all, she was driving him mad, and that was only with one week of spending time with one of her _books_. Not even with _her._ He didn't _go_ mad over girls, that was James' thing.

He gripped the book. It was time to go to Evans.

* * *

"You're going to Evans? My Evans? _The_ Evans?"

"James, she's a prefect in our own house, not a unicorn," said Remus patiently.

"Be quiet, Moony. For the first time, he's being _interesting."_

"It is driving me _mad_ that I don't know who this girl is," said Sirius. "We're just going to find out who it is, drop the book of, and never speak of it again."

"Why never speak of it again?" Remus prodded.

"Because," said Sirius.

James raised his eyebrows. "Because?"

" _Because!"_

"Because?" Peter questioned timidly.

"Oh for _fuck's_ sake," swore Sirius. "Because I've spent _way_ too much time with this book and I'd like to never have to think about another love story again."

"You're in _love,"_ smirked James.

"I will shove my shoe so far up –"

"Alright!" Remus exclaimed. "Let's go."

Sirius was glowering, but luckily the other three boys were in as good a mood as ever. They left the dormitory to find Lily Evans sitting with McKinnon and Macdonald near the fire place. As soon as she saw James, she looked wary. "What?" she asked, when James advanced towards her.

He put his hands up. "Not me who wants anything, Lily," he said earnestly. "You see, my good friend Pad – Sirius –"

"What do you want, Black?" sighed Lily.

" _Attitude,_ Evans," said Sirius with a grin. "What if I want to ask you out?"

"Your _good friend_ will have a heart attack," said Lily. Even as she said it, James' face had become so pale, he was nearly a ghost.

"Fair point," said Sirius. He crouched behind the sofa, hunting through his bag for the book in question.

Remus sat next to the fire with Peter. James stood awkwardly, hesitated, and then found Lily looking at him questioningly. He half-smiled at her. She sighed and shook her head. Taking this as an invitation, he sat down on the only seat free next to her.

Marlene watched Remus and Peter. "You boys done with your essay for Care of Magical Creatures?"

Remus nodded instantly, but Peter looked despondent.

Sirius finally handed Lily the book. He put his hands under his chin, on the backrest of the sofa and watched her as she examined the cover.

"Didn't really take you for an Austen guy, Black."

"I'm _not,"_ he snapped. "I want to know whose book this is."

Lily's eyes were laughing. She looked at James, and he was caught off-guard for a moment. Then he smiled back.

"Shut up, Evans," said Sirius.

"Didn't say anything!"

"Just tell me who might own this. I think it's important to her."

"Ooh, you've already assumed it's a girl, have you?" asked Marlene with relish.

"No boy would be reading this," said Sirius firmly.

"Ho, ho, ho," said Mary.

Lily rolled her eyes. "And how would you know, Black?"

"What?" asked Sirius. "It's romantic, this Mr Darcy is obviously every girl's wet dr-"

Lily sat up. "You _read_ it!"

"What? No!" he said instantly.

"He read it thrice, actually," said Peter, leaning back.

Lily was laughing openly now. "You _read it._ And you _loved_ it."

"I did _not."_

"Tell me you didn't have strong feelings for when Elizabeth shows up in Pemberley," said Marlene.

Sirius glared. "Fine. _Fine._ I really liked that part. Will you _please_ tell me whose book this is?"

Lily flipped through some of the pages.

"Well, I don't recognise the handwriting, and I don't know anyone who makes such detailed notes. It seems familiar, though."

"Let me see," said Marlene. She grabbed the book and traced the handwriting. "Does seem familiar," she murmured.

"Can't place it, though," said Lily. "It says Sarah on top."

"Already asked Forester and Freegood. They don't own it," said Sirius. He got up from his crouching position and sat on the carpet near the coffee table.

"Put up a sign," Mary suggested.

"Every girl will claim it if she could," said Sirius, running his hands through his hair.

Again Lily rolled her eyes. "You are frustrating. Live with the book then, see if I care."

Sirius stared out of the window.

"Evans, he's been really weird since he got the book. If you could find the girl, we would be _so_ grateful," said James, doing his best impression of a dog who was demanding a bone. This tactic did not work on either Marlene or Mary – but surprisingly, it _did_ work on Lily. She sighed. "Fine," she said. "I'll ask around, discreetly."

"You're the best!" said James, springing to his feet. "Come on, everyone. Let's leave these ladies alone."

"You know, you should read it," Lily said, turning back to her friends.

"What?" asked James.

" _Pride and Prejudice._ It's a good book," she said.

James looked at Marlene and Mary. Mary nodded vigorously, while Marlene shrugged. "It's a good book," she said.

James, still fifteen in how he responded to Lily talking to him in any capacity, grinned excitedly. "Maybe I will."

The boys got up and disappeared upstairs. Sirius was still contemplating the reader in question – why did no one know whom this mystery person was? It seemed to kept all of herself between the pages of her books. Not even books that she had written! She folded her identity into these neat little quarters and hid it away, in words that weren't even always her own. Was there no space for her?

He had full plans to find out who she was tomorrow, and he knew Lily was the best substitute to hunt for this anonymous person. This _ghost_ person. God, he really hoped she wasn't _actually_ a ghost.

His plans got a little derailed, because when he woke up in the morning, the _Pride and Prejudice_ was missing. Instead, sitting there, as innocent as a book possibly could be, was _Murder on the Orient Express_ by Agatha Christie.


	6. The Conqueror by Georgette Heyer

She really hadn't _planned_ on it. He was just driving her _crazy._

First of all, he had no business searching her out in her own Charms class. She didn't have very strong opinions on Sarah Freegood, but she didn't want her knowing about… about _her._ June had a deathly fear of being _known_ and read and having people who were listening for her thoughts. It was the primary reason for her to be alone, and it wasn't a very good one. Most importantly, she didn't want to be read on terms which were not _hers._ She knew this was unreasonable of her, but while she could control it, she was happy enough avoiding company of any sort.

And then, there was Sirius Black, seeking her out by checking with Sarah Freegood. She had a good mind to curse him then and there, if she had any guts or gumption. He was already getting a horrifyingly personal part of her – the one which she really kept to herself, which she plastered on her Grandmother's copies of classics. She had written such _things_ about herself, about her thoughts, about her idea of love. And Sirius Black – of all people, Sirius Black! – had access to all of that. He had access to all of that, to misuse and take advantage of.

As soon as she had made up her mind to take the book away from him at the first instance she had a chance, something _even_ worse happened: he sat down next to her in the library, reading – actually _reading_ – the book. To her own shock, she saw him read all the phrases and things she had written on the side, saw him contemplate this version of herself that she had never shared with anyone – and read it _intently._ Read it with a strength of affection and an intensity of emotion, read it with the need to _understand._

She didn't know why, but she couldn't take the book away from him that night. She couldn't – she reasoned that it was because he was _reading,_ and one shouldn't stop the process of reading. She went about her week, chewing her fingernails as she watched him read and reread the book, watched him make a note of all the things in the margins, watched him get cross with his friends when they didn't leave him alone with the book. Finally, she saw him approach _Lily_ for information.

This woke her out of the momentary lapse of her judgement. He'd gone to _Lily._ Lily, who shared a dormitory with her. Lily, who could easily tell him just who it was. Lily, who knew her handwriting.

And Lily hadn't known.

June didn't know what she had felt in that moment – when she had watched them, eavesdropped on their conversation without being noticed – seen Lily say she thought the book looked familiar, but she couldn't place the owner. June really had been _thorough_ in having people ignore her. Lily Evans had shared her dormitory for six years and she couldn't place her handwriting.

That was what was running through her head when she waited for everyone to drop off before going to the boy's dormitory. She saw, in her mind's eye, Lily saying without thinking twice: "It seems familiar, though." Marlene and Mary had agreed with her.

On impulse, without questioning her own decisions – June had taken one of Christie's murder mysteries and watched herself put it on his side table. Like a dream, she saw her giving a part of herself to him – and taking the Austen back from him. She didn't believe herself – until she woke up the next morning to find the book gone.

Lily was telling her to get out of bed. She had gotten dressed and disappeared without making her bed. When she was at the breakfast table, she thought about taking her book out until a terrible thought struck her: what if someone noticed? What if he was on the look out for girls who were reading?

She had been reading something that was particularly engrossing – _Arabella_ by Georgette Heyer. It was a romance, and a good one – but she had not felt like giving him a romance. He seemed a little disdainful of it. Perhaps next ti-

 _No!_ she nearly screamed at herself.

What was she _doing?_ What was this, a book exchange? Were they in a book club? What the hell was she thinking?

Suffice to say, she could no longer read during breakfast or meal times. Reading must now be conducted in secret, must never be shown in public places where Sirius Black could come across her. She had already given him too much of her.

Here was the thing: June hadn't realised how much of her life she had designed depending entirely on the thought that she wouldn't be noticed. She was never noticed by anyone, least of all by Sirius Black – but a part of her was looking over her shoulder, waiting. Waiting for someone to comment on her clothes, on her books, on her handwriting. She didn't know if she anticipated or dreaded it.

So much of her life depended on reading. She measured her days in books, her hours in chapters, her minutes in sentences read. She didn't know how she got through the day without reading. She scrambled to Hagrid's hut after lunch, unable to take the monotony of not having read anything for such a while. She had a period free, after all.

"You okay?" asked Hagrid, concerned.

"Perfectly fine," she said, flushed and unhappy. "Can I read with you for sometime? I promise I won't be too much of a nuisance."

"O'course," said Hagrid gruffly. "On'y _why -?"_

"I don't like the common room," said June, trying to be as vague as possible.

He frowned, but didn't question her.

She sat curled up in his giant armchair, reading her book. Two hours passed by without note, until it occurred to her that she ought to perhaps get started on some of her essays as well.

When she looked up, Hagrid was looking at her with abject concern. "June. Is e'rything okay?"

She nodded. "Can I come everyday just to read a little bit?" she asked in a small voice.

"O'course," he said. "But you'll be telling me if something's wrong?"

"I promise," she nodded.

"Okay."

"I'm going now," she added.

"Goodbye," he said awkwardly.

She waved goodbye to him as she trotted off. As she approached the castle, the towers looked like they had been set on fire by the sun. Once inside, she made a beeline for the library – and there, headed to her favourite, always unoccupied table.

Only it was occupied.

By _him._

What was she supposed to do with herself? She sat down next to him, and he didn't even look up. He was already half way through the book, reading with so much intensity she was almost afraid to say anything that might stop him. She pulled out her transfiguration essay, _her_ copy of _Advanced Transfiguration,_ and a quill.

She was trying to focus on her essay – and she made good headway, she really did! but she kept watching him. She kept seeing him turn the page, she saw him frown when something problematised the mystery (and the sheer number of problems that come up in this _particular_ mystery…), she saw him gasp softly when something was revealed. He dragged her attention, he really did.

Once she had gotten significantly involved in her essay to stop noticing as much, he ruined everything.

"Hey, I've seen you around, haven't I?" he demanded, out of the blue.

June jumped back with a squeak. "Yes?" she said.

"And you can keep secrets, can't you? You haven't told anyone I keep coming to this corner of the library or anything."

"Um," she said.

"Amazing! Do you know who's book this is?" he said, shoving her copy of _Murder on the Orient Express_ under her nose.

She carefully took the book from his hands and felt the cover. She remembered the feeling of this paperback as well as she did all her other books. When the moment came for her to say something, she forced out two words: "No idea."

Sirius Black groaned. "God, I want to know who this girl is, giving me books. I'd like to wring her _neck."_

June squeaked again. " _Why?"_ she asked.

"She has no business making me like reading," said Sirius, almost sounding… serious.

She laughed nervously.

"All jokes aside," said Sirius. "Between us only – because my mates will take the mickey out of me if they ever found out. She's kind of interesting. I want to know her. I've never been this interested in any girl, or books for that matter."

June squared her shoulders. "Well, do you have any clues?"

"The book I was originally stuck with was _Pride and Prejudice_ by Jane Austen," he said, his brow furrowing.

"A romantic?" she suggested.

"Doubtful," he said.

"Why?" she asked, confused.

"She seemed to be considering romance rather than indulging in it," he said, without thinking about it.

She blinked.

Well. Okay, Sirius Black had a measure of her personality. And he seemed to have it intuitively.

"Anything – erm – anything else?" she muttered.

"The title had an inscription to a Sarah from a Dave."

"Sarah Freegood?" she said, knowing full well what he was going to say.

"Already checked with her. And Forester, for that matter."

He looked so… _actually_ sad, so confused and slightly perturbed that June couldn't help herself. She had a soft heart, which melted easily. And Sirius Black's grey eyes were not making this easy on her.

"Maybe it's an _heirloom,"_ she hinted tiredly.

"What?" he asked, eyes in attention.

"Something that belongs in the girl's family. Maybe Sarah and Dave are her parents," she offered.

Sirius contemplated. He had that look on his face that was making a calculation. Then:

"But the book was too old. Fifty or sixty years old. Maybe it was her grandparents?"

Her heart was thumping so hard, she was hoping he couldn't hear it.

Great. So he was good at detective work, and she'd given him a clue.

"You're pretty good at this," he said. "You know, maybe I should write her a note."

" _What_?" she said, her voice becoming shrill with panic.

"Write her a note. She's bound to take this book back sometime. I will scribble something when I'm done with the book. I think it's the old lady, by the way." He stood up and grabbed his bag. "Thanks…?"

"June. June Williams," she said miserably.

"Thanks Williams," he said, swinging his bag behind his back. He looked so happy at his little idea, June wanted to wring _his_ neck. "Bye!"

"Bye," she trailed off as he left her.

Great. She had to give him a book _and_ write him a note. She had to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being _known. And_ he was wrong about who had done the murder, too. Fucking _hell._

* * *

"… June?"

Lily's voice came to her gently. June looked up from the mess on one side of her bed. Lily was looking at her, worry written plainly on her face.

"What's happening?" she asked.

June looked at the mess around her. "I'm… looking for an old notebook of mine," she said.

Books were strewn on the floor.

"Oh," said Lily. "Do you need any help?"

"No. _No!"_ said June. "Go for dinner, Lily. I'm just going to… struggle through this."

"Alright," said Lily cautiously. "I'll see you later?"

"Hmm. Yes," said June.

She was sorting through all her books. The first thing she had looked for was any book in which she might have put her name – luckily, it was _none._ She tried not to contemplate that for too long; it would just make her unhappy. Then, she thought about what she should give him next. After which she had a small existential crisis over the fact that she was considering giving him another book.

_This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid._

She took a deep breath, and decided to pick a Georgette Heyer – but one of her historical fictions. Nothing like Heyer for historical fiction, she reasoned. And it wasn't a romance either! He had nothing to complain about.

She really had to stop.

She stacked her books back in their boxes, and to her own disgust – kept one box separate with books she was thinking about using for this ridiculous exchange. She touched the spine of her _Pride and Prejudice_ and sighed. And sighed. And sighed.

She missed her grandmother even now, even after two years of her death. Living with her mother was _not_ the same, though she only ever went back during the summer. She didn't have a very good working relationship with her mother. Things _used_ to be better with her grandmother – besides, it was always good to hear about love stories that worked. Her grandfather had loved her grandma, from the looks of things.

Lily and the others arrived back from dinner, smiling and chattering amongst themselves. June noticed Lily's eyes swerving to her and analysing her. June shoved her boxes under the bed.

"Found your notebook?" asked Lily.

She nodded wordlessly.

"Well, ladies, I have to be off," said Marlene. "The Transfiguration essay is not going to write itself."

Marlene grabbed her books and a quill and disappeared downstairs.

"God knows why she didn't do it earlier," said Mary. "We've had a much easier week of it. Can you believe how many sleepless nights we've had with our homework since our OWLS?"

Lily unbuttoned her shirt. "It's a bit nicer this year with all the free periods we have. Anyway, I'm done with all my essays, for the next two days. And I refuse to get a headway on the potions one instantly."

June sat her bed, looking at the copy of the book that she had picked out so carefully.

"Easy for you to say, you could turn in dung and Slughorn would give you an O," said Mary. She put on her pyjamas. "What about you, June?"

June jumped. "Huh?"

"You done with your work for today?"

She looked around, searching for some sort of answer. "No. No! I still have the Transfiguration essay to do."

Lily clucked sympathetically. "Get it done as soon as possible, June."

"You're right," said June. "I'm going to – I'm going to go downstairs."

She took her quill, parchment, her bag with her transfiguration book, and her copy of _The Conqueror_ by Georgette Heyer (neatly wedged where it wouldn't be visible). She tried to look as dignified as possible without also looking like she was attempting to escape any and all conversation.

Marlene was settled in a corner somewhere in the common room. She looked up when she saw June and smiled. June smiled back tentatively, after which she immediately scurried off to her own corner.

It wasn't that late, not yet. But she really _did_ have to finish her diagram for Herbology and her Transfiguration essay. No friends and no Quidditch usually meant that she was on top of things, but she'd been worrying herself over Sirius Black this week – which was why she was a little behind. She had often seen people working together late into the night, and at times felt wistful for that sort of thing. It sometimes seemed to her that it would be nice to have someone to do homework with.

The common room emptied slowly. She finished half her essay by nine. By this time, Marlene yawned and went upstairs, waving at her. June waved back self-consciously. The Marauders hadn't really been doing anything too disruptive, but they were clearly having a good time together – she heard laughter emanating from their corner from time to time. She _did_ notice that Sirius Black had her copy of _Murder on the Orient Express_ with him.

She sighed. It became even later, the common room became quieter. The lack of dinner was beginning to make itself known in her body. At around ten thirty, in a mostly empty common room, she leaned back, having finally finished her essay.

She was going to the kitchens, she decided. She waited a few minutes to see the last of the exhausted seventh years turn in, and then she padded softly to the portrait.

The castle was always loveliest at this time in the night. She felt like she could hear thoughts from thousands of years ago – they floated in the corners of the paintings and settled on the ornate furnishings. She heard Peeves somewhere along the corridor and skilfully avoided him. She watched the stars from the windows, the moon swimming in the blue of the sky.

She wished the world looked like this more. She really did.

She reached the kitchens by eleven. She knew the elves would probably be wrapping up the day's work. She might get some nice leftovers.

"Miss Williams?" asked one of the elves when she entered.

"Oh – um, hi – Robby – I just –"

"Come through, Miss," he said formally. She was grateful he didn't ask for more, and walked through. Unfortunately, someone was sitting at the table in the kitchen –

She stopped on her tracks.

"Oh, that's Master Black –" began Robby.

"I know," said June, in a hushed voice. She turned around, looking anywhere but the table. "Maybe I should just –"

"Williams?" said Black. "That you?"

June turned and faced him. "Yes?" she said unhappily.

"Midnight hunger?" he asked. Oh god, _sympathy._ He was being _sympathetic_ about midnight hunger.

"I missed dinner," she said.

"Well, sit."

She sat down next to him. Some of the elves brought her the roast chicken and vegetables with potatoes.

"I came for an éclair," Black said. "And to read."

"Oh."

She began to butter her bread.

"Have you _read_ this book?" he asked, holding up _Murder on the Orient Express._

"No," she said quickly.

"Oh. Then I won't spoil it for you. But d'you know, I was wrong? It wasn't the old woman!"

She knew. She chose to take a bite of her chicken instead.

"Any luck with – erm – that is to say – um, the person…?" she asked.

He grinned. "None. But she has _taste._ This one is so different from the last one. I would offer you this copy, but she's written all these notes on the margin, feels weird to share her book. James wanted to read it too – but I said no. He only wanted it because there's murder in the title."

She stifled a giggle.

"She's a much better guesser than I am. She knew the murderer way before I did. I was avoiding reading her notes because I didn't want to be spoiled," added Black.

"Um."

"I _have_ thought about whether or not this is an elaborate plan by the fanclub – or just one fan – to have me interested."

She swallowed the bite of chicken and vegetable in her mouth. "Fanclub?" she asked.

He sighed. "The girls always slipping me love potion."

"Oh," she frowned. "Well."

"You don't talk much, do you?"

She went red.

He gave a short, barking laugh. "I like you, Williams."

She felt like she was turning her face to fire.

"You know, I hope she isn't a fan," he said. "Again – this is between us, because James will _never_ stop making fun of me if he found out – but I dunno – I like what she reads. I want to read _more_ of it, which is horrifying. But if there's more stuff about murder and battle, I'd like to. And anyway, it would take a lot to write all those notes just to entice me. That's just me being self-centred, I suppose. It's just strange that she's alright with exchanging her books with me."

"Yeah, that _is_ a mystery," June muttered to herself.

"I hope she continues, of course," he said. "I hope the next one is just as good. I'm rereading this one for her notes, but it was such a good book. Who knew Muggles wrote this well?"

"No?" she said.

"Anyway," he stood up. "I'm off. Enjoy your dinner, Williams. Don't get caught."

"You too," she said.

Again, he gave that odd barking laugh. "Night!"

Amazing. Wonderful. Fan- _fucking_ -tastic.

She just _knew_ she had to give him _The Conqueror_ now.


	7. My Family and Other Animals by Gerald Durrell

They say that the bond between James Potter and Sirius Black was unshakeable. They said that no other friendship had been as strong and everlasting as this. They said that this friendship had been the most enchanting one to grace the halls of Hogwarts.

James Potter glared at his best friend.

Sirius continued reading, oblivious.

Remus' eyes swivelled between them. "Sirius, is there any way you could go with James _now?"_

"Just a minute," said Sirius. "There's a big battle about to happen."

"We're going to lose time and I need to _practice._ Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw is _right_ around the corner –"

"I am _coming,_ just let this battle be done –"

"Any inspiring ways to conduct murder in there…?" asked James.

"For _crying out loud,_ Potter –"

"Oh am I 'Potter,' now –"

"Yes you are you _numpty –"_

"Children," interjected Remus tiredly.

"I don't see what's so interesting about the book anyway," said Peter.

"Did you _not_ hear what I say about a big battle?" demanded Sirius.

"There's much better ones _she's_ written," Peter said thoughtlessly. "Her romances are really good."

Everyone turned to look at him.

"What did you say?" asked James, unable to keep the slow smile from spreading on his face.

Peter went pink. "Nothing."

"You said you liked her romances," said Sirius, grinning as well.

"You're reading her _too!"_ said Peter desperately.

"Mine's about William the Conqueror!"

"Well –"

"Oh my _god,"_ said James. "You read romances."

" _Historical_ romances," said Peter, his voice becoming almost shrill.

"Shut up, both of you," said Remus. "Peter's allowed to like –"

"Alright, mother –" began Sirius mockingly.

"You know, I don't know why you're making fun of me," said Peter. "I have all of them! You could read them and impress your girl."

Sirius opened his mouth, then shut it again. James started laughing.

"And which one do _you_ recommend?" asked Sirius.

" _The Spanish Bride,"_ said Peter, with too little hesitation. "Or _Arabella._ But you like the historical ones, so."

"What else does she write?" asked James, almost curious.

"She writes regency love stories," said Peter, going pinker, but looking determined.

"We've known you for six years," said Sirius. "Why did you not say you were reading them?"

"Have you _seen_ yourselves?" asked Peter, crossing his arms.

"Fair point," said James. "But we can't deal with this right now. I will lose my temper if we delay any more. Are you coming _,_ Padfoot?"

"Alright," said Sirius. He tossed his book on the sofa, and paused. After thinking about it for a second longer, he stuffed it into his bag. "Let's go."

They stalked off. The common room was noisy at the moment, so Sirius was almost grateful to get away. He had volunteered (stupidly) to help James with some extra practice before the match. He was trying to break in a new broom, and he demanded more time with it.

"So, did she send a note back?" asked James, once they were out of earshot.

Sirius sighed. James was the only person he had told before writing the note. He hadn't agonised too much over it – he didn't know this girl, for one thing – but he certainly did not want everyone else knowing at once.

"No, but we haven't done another exchange yet," said Sirius. "I suppose she has to read it before responding, so she couldn't send it over instantly."

"How long does it take to _write?"_

Sirius stared at James. "Do you remember when you were trying to buy Evans a present for her fifteenth?" he asked.

James blinked. "Fine."

"You like this girl?"

James wasn't quite asking, but also kind of – _asking._ Sirius regarded him. James didn't often try to have heart to hearts – but it was easy to give him information matter-of-factly. He didn't react as much as he listened and sorted things out. Sirius had turned up at his home with nothing more than a suitcase and James hadn't reacted. He'd given Sirius ointment for the cut on his lip and the bruise near his eye, a room to stay in, and had spoken to his parents about it. James always asked directly, without fanfare.

"I don't know," said Sirius. "Bit early to tell. I don't know her."

He continued waiting for Sirius to say something more.

"I like her _taste,"_ said Sirius cautiously. "I like how she thinks – you should have read some of her notes in the murder book."

"And the battle book?"

Sirius was silent. He had a hard time explaining his reader. She had such a lot of thoughts in the corner – _everyone's lying,_ she had written when the interviews started in the book. _It's too convenient,_ she scribbled. _How do their stories match up well enough for no one to be too suspicious, but not enough for anyone to come to a conclusive solution to the killer? It's too convenient. It's too convenient._

He had been floored by her thoughts at times, coming from a history of reading. He could feel the number of murders she had read with every note she wrote. Even with _The Conqueror –_ she knew the narrative tension of a story so well, she could pre-empt history even when she did not know it. At times, he felt her thoughts weaving through the text. He felt her contemplate when she wrote stuff like, _we're at the beginning of a war right now, and it seems that there is not much to do but prepare yourself for classes. It is a wonder there is so much glory to write about, when there are so many sensible things to do during a crisis which are not at all glorious._ How did someone summarise something like that?

"I dunno how to explain it," said Sirius finally.

James look at him, hard. "S'alright," he said. "Let's play some Quidditch."

* * *

June had collapsed all over her desk during charms. She touched the sheet of paper in her hand again, and abruptly turned away from it again.

The offending paper in question seemed to be a note.

Dear Reader (read the note),

Ha, is that not cheesy? Unfortunately, can't help it, I'm trying to be as charming as possible so I don't scare you off. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem shy.

I didn't want to say anything too dramatic, just that I really liked this last book. Romance is good and all – but you know, boys like murder more. Not that – not that I intend to do any murder. In any case, thank you. I hope the next book is even better. I'm not much of a reader, my mother will be impressed that you are able to have me reading. Of course, then she will be angry that it's all Muggle literature. And then she might want to have you poisoned for making me read Muggle literature about murders, of all things.

A little unfair that you know who I am but I don't know you.

Best,

S

June's eye caught the sign-off once again, and she felt like tearing her own hair out.

After so much waffling, she had selected what to give him next – her copy of _My Family and Other Animals_ was a change in tone, certainly – but she had _picked._ She had _decided._ She had done the brave thing. And now he had written her a note.

Her nerves were shot. She didn't know if she could give him a note _and_ a book. That was a lot.

"Hey, didn't you sit behind me?"

She looked up to find Sarah standing by her.

"Um – I – erm –"

Sarah sighed. "Warren, why the _fuck_ have you taken the girl's seat?" she addressed the boy behind them.

June chewed the inside of her cheek. "It's – it's alright – I mean –"

"Her name isn't written on it!" said Warren.

"Whatever," said Sarah. She turned to June. "You don't mind me sitting next to you, do you? I'm a better deskmate than Warren. He might get his drool over your notebooks."

"You know what Freegood –"

"Shut up, Warren, I'm talking to someone."

June went red. And she nodded, even though she was horrified. Sirius Black knew this Sarah Freegood as well, didn't he? Oh _god –_

She stuffed her letter from him away.

"I'm Sarah Freegood."

"I know," mumbled June. "June Williams."

"I know, too," said Sarah shortly.

"You do?" asked June, surprised.

"We have nearly all the same classes. I think you don't have Arthimancy. We've had the same classes for years."

"Oh," said June.

"How'd you know me?"

"Um."

Sarah wasn't… unnoticeable, like June. She didn't have dirty blonde hair – she had red hair. Not the same red as Lily's, which was darker. It was lighter and less pretty, something carroty. It stood out. That meant sitting next to her would have June stand out.

Sarah rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Williams?"

_Oh, god –_

Sirius Black was approaching their desk. "You're in this class?"

"What's the matter with you, Black?" asked Sarah. "She's in all your classes, you know."

"She is?" he asked, confused.

"She's in Gryffindor!" exploded Sarah.

"What?" asked Sirius. "You _are?"_

June nodded mutely.

"I thought you were a Hufflepuff," he said. "Huh."

"You really are amazing, Black," said Sarah.

"Thank you!" he said with a grin. "You see Williams, Freegood has now taken a hatred to me because she doesn't want to admit how physically attracti-"

"Oh _ha, ha,_ -"

"Um!" June exclaimed. "We have class!"

"Oh, right," said Sirius. "Turn away, Freegood, I have to tell Williams something." Sarah rolled her eyes again, but she turned to her notebook. He leaned close to her, and June flinched involuntarily. He smelled musky. "I got a new book."

"Oh?" asked June desperately.

He held up her copy of _The Conqueror._

"It's _good."_

"What's it about?"

"William the Conqeror."

"Um."

"Dunno how accurate it is, of course, but it's good."

Sarah glanced up. "Heyer is usually accurate," she said. "Particularly her Regency stuff."

"Amazing," said Sirius. "Fuck – Flitwick's here."

June sank into her chair, her head hitting her desk.

Sarah was smiling to herself, and June didn't want to ask _why._ "Books out!" announced Flitwick in his squeaky voice. "And copy down these notes!"

June groaned as she took her notebook out. She was so caught in her own misery that she almost forgot to protect her handwriting from showing. She knew Sarah had had a very small glance at her handwriting when Sirius had shown it to her, but June didn't want to take any chances. Sarah seemed a little suspicious of the way she was hiding her notebook with her arm, but she didn't say anything particular.

"You read Georgette Heyer?" asked Sarah, her voice expressionless. She was bent over her notebook and scribbling.

June started. "No," she said.

"Oh," said Sarah. "Pity. Good books."

"Is it?" asked June, scrambling for a way to end this conversation.

"Of course," said Sarah. "I'd be surprised if I saw you – or anyone else, for that matter – carrying one around here, of course. No one in Hogwarts reads them."

"Right," said June, her brows knitting together. Sarah was looking at her meaningfully. Just as June was about to open her mouth to ask her what she meant, Flitwick's squeak was heard: "No talking, please!"

* * *

June paced inside her dormitory. Left, from one side of her bed. Right, to the other. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left, right, left, right, left.

_Thud._

She'd hit her foot on the bed. Now her toe was throbbing.

She fell on her bed and screamed into the sheets. She was surrounded by crumpled balls of paper, so everything was double muffled. She flicked her wand, and all the sheets of paper burned themselves without leaving any ash on her sheets.

She turned and faced the canopy of the bed.

She had been trying to compose a note. Variations of _Dear Sirius, Dear Black, Dear Asshole_ had been discarded. Unable to settle on what to call him, she had tried to move on and write the next few lines, but got stuck after she wrote _I think._ Then, she tried writing, _I hate you,_ and that didn't work either. She attempted to write the graphic and gory ways in which she would like to wring his neck, but even she could not fool herself long enough to go through with that.

She sighed.

She was going to go to the library, she decided. She was going to work on her homework, for crying out loud. She didn't have time to write letters to boys.

At once, she gathered her things and headed off. She had wanted to practice some transfiguration today, or McGonagall was really going to have her head. She was going to strenuously think of _anything_ but him. _Anything._

He was sitting at her table again.

June almost wanted to abandon him and disappear, but he looked up and smiled angelically. "Oh, Williams! I was hoping you'd be here."

She wished the earth would open and swallow her.

"Hi," she said.

"How are you?"

"Um – I was just going to practice some transfiguration, that's all."

"McGonagall loaded us all up with those animal transfiguration spells, didn't she?"

June put one foot behind the other. "Were you practicing, too?"

"Oh, _no,"_ said Black, like he found the idea laughable. "I don't practice for Transfiguration. You know, I thought you'd be a year younger."

June frowned. "Okay?"

"Why are you still standing, by the way?"

So the earth _hadn't_ opened to swallow her whole. The bitch.

Without any options, June sat down. She saw him return to his book. "Why were you – um, why were you hoping I'd be here?" she asked.

"No reason," he said. "You listen to whatever the fuck I say."

"Oh." She blinked. "Anything on your mind?"

He regarded her, snapping his book shut. It was _her_ book, she noticed with a sinking feeling. "Okay, fine. I wanted to ask your opinion on something," he said sheepishly.

She raised her eyebrows.

"Is it _strange_ if I sent the girl a note? Would it freak her out?"

She had had _enough_ of this.

"Look, can I – can I ask you something first?" she said. "Why me? Why are you telling – well, me – anything?"

He looked momentarily surprised. "That's the first time I've heard you speak that much."

She shrunk in herself.

"It's good, Williams, it's good," he said reassured her. "Look, honestly, I'd rather you than anyone else. Can't have the world knowing Sirius Black is nervous over a _girl_. And you're good at listening."

She blinked again. "Alright," she sighed. She didn't care a hoot for his arrogance, but the last part seemed true enough.

"Alright?"

She nodded.

"So – is it weird that I sent her a note? What if she doesn't write one back?"

"Um – are you worried?"

"A little," he admitted. "I told myself she won't have written one in the next book anyway, but I'd be a little crushed if she didn't send one in the one after this one. And I'm nearly done with the book, but I keep delaying finishing it."

"Maybe – maybe she's shy?" June said.

"I guess," he said.

"I'm sure – I'm _sure,_ She'll – erm – write something back," said June.

"I hope so. I don't care if it's her opinion on the book itself. It'll be nice to hear."

"She will," promised June. "She will _."_


	8. A Wizard of the Earthsea by Ursula K Le Guin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I haven't included any author's notes at all so far mostly because I am publishing the first 12 chapters in one go on this platform - and when I originally published it on ffnet, it was a while ago. Felt weird to include author's notes from that time. But I am going to include this one, especially since it is still relevant: 
> 
> ******Hello everyone. To everyone in America reading this, I hope you're alright, unharmed, and staying strong. I can offer you nothing more than solidarity and support from as far away as I am. I can also promise you a listening ear if you'd like to talk - it ain't much, but it's what I got. I know I joke about the fact that a grand total of six people are reading a Sirius BlackxOC fanfiction in 2020, but for whoever is reading - here is the Black Lives Matter google document which lists relevant charities: (www) (ally) (wiki) [add dots in the middle please].
> 
> I'm South Asian, and South Asia has a long history of racism as well, which is why it's important to educate ourselves. Although most of these texts seem to be around America, I think this document also includes educational resources. I know there are more comprehensive lists by people on the ground, but I decided to go with the official Black Lives Matter documents. Keep fighting, lads, you can do it. More power to you.
> 
> I know its weird to be posting lighthearted fanfiction with this kind of thing as an opener, but I guess if anyone wants to read it for some comfort, I should go ahead and post.******
> 
> This AN was written about two weeks after the riots in America. I hope everyone is well, staying strong, and safe.

_Dear S –_

_I'm glad you like whatever I leave for you. I am not normally this brave. I really did switch the first one on accident, I promise. Everything else I did is a mystery to myself._

_I'm leaving something that's a bit more cheerful this time. It's my mother's copy. She didn't have a lot of books, but I raided her shelves very early in my life. It's a very funny book, and it usually makes me happy if I'm ever said._

_Best,_

_Reader_

" _Ha!"_ said Sirius under his breath. "Ha!" he repeated.

He looked around the dormitory. Everyone was in the bathroom, and the sound of James yelling at Remus for taking the bathroom for an age was carrying. "She wrote _back!"_ shouted Sirius. He jumped to his feet and poked his head into the bathroom. "Are you listening? She wrote _back!"_

"Thaff good!" said Peter, his mouth filled with toothpaste.

"Remus I fucking –"

"Shut _up,_ Prongs, are you listening? She wrote back."

James pushed his glasses back on his nose and glared at Sirius. "You are so _whipped,_ Padfoot, if you had any sense you would be helping me in getting this fucking hog out of the showers –"

"Oh _big talk_ coming from you, you worship Evans–"

"–You don't even _know_ the girl–"

"–And here you are _lording_ it over me–"

"Be _quiet,"_ yelled Remus from the shower. "James take the other shower, for the love of Agrippa –"

"You _know_ I hate the other showers, you _know_ it –"

But Sirius was no longer listening. He floated outside and reread the note. He had become so familiar with her writing, he could feel the agony that had gone into the words. The clean sheet of paper, with no cuts in the writing, nothing removed showed that she had meticulously edited her note. He knew how she thought – she thought and rethought. She usually had ten different thoughts on a page – and this one, written with such clarity – spoke of a thousand shredded sheets.

Then he examined the book in question. _My Family and Other Animals._ It looked… fun. He didn't think she'd read a lot of very _fun_ things, because the last one had been about a conqueror and the one before that was about a murder. This one didn't seem to be about either of those things.

"What did she send?"

It was Remus, finally out of the bathroom. Sirius avoided looking at him, since he was still shirtless.

He held up the book in question and Remus laughed. "I've read it. She's got really good taste, I have to say."

"You have?" asked Sirius, baffled.

"Yes. It's really funny."

"Funny? It's a funny book?"

"Oh, yes. Couldn't stop laughing when I read it."

Sirius was pumped. Again, there were so many scribbles on the margin. He grinned at Remus. "I'm going down for breakfast!"

Remus looked bemused, and waved him goodbye. Sirius was feeling disgustingly cheerful. This was honestly _awful,_ he did know. He didn't like having such a thrill over a note, but she had written _back._

As he rushed down, he saw June sitting in the corner, her arms wrapped around her legs. "Williams!" said Sirius excitedly.

She startled. "What?" she demanded, surprised out of her reverie.

"She fucking _sent_ a note."

"That's great," said June glumly.

"You sound low. What's up?"

"Erm."

She looked uncomfortable for a second. "I – nothing, I just don't like – I'm hungry."

"Come, eat," said Sirius, trying to be as inviting as possible.

She hesitated.

"You know you don't _have_ to," said Sirius "I don't bite. You seem so jumpy around me. You can say no if you don't want to be around me."

Something seemed to be going through her head. She looked like she had contemplated half the world and then some, before she stood up.

"Let's go," she said, chewing her lip.

"So, why were you low?" he asked, pushing open the portrait hole and offering her a hand. She looked at him crossly for a second before she accepted his hand and climbed up.

"I'm – er. Letter, from mum," said June.

"Oh," said Sirius. He frowned at her, his forehead creasing. "You get along with your parents?"

"Rarely," sighed June. They walked down the corridor and Sirius shoved his hands down his pockets.

"Yeah, me neither."

"Everyone knows," muttered June.

Sirius grinned. "I love lording it over the rest of you. First, it makes me look very sexy to all the girls – you roll your eyes, but I'm a rebel who ran away from home, Williams. It makes everyone miserable."

"That the rest of us with tragic backstories are still at home?" she said to herself.

"You know, Williams, I always knew you had a tonne of attitude that you're _barely_ mumbling out."

She blushed pink. "I don't!"

"Then just what did you say?"

She went pinker.

"Don't worry, I won't give it away," said Sirius. "You have a tragic back story, after all. One tragic back story to another, I understand."

She looked ready to burst. Sirius grinned again.

* * *

She had _had_ it.

That was the hundredth time she had thought it, but on she continued. Were they _friends?_ Why were they _friends?_ She had gone through so many years of her life without this particular affliction, only to have Sirius Black barrelling into her life in some way or another. By the time they sat down at the table, he had already needled her twenty times more. She preferred him when he was being cruel.

Look, she wasn't one to hold on to grudges. She had accepted it as an inevitable part of growing up that the loud kids would not get along well with the quiet ones. She had not expected it to also be a part of growing up that the loud kids would eventually want to be friends with the quiet ones. She hadn't liked being around Sirius Black when she was thirteen, and she doubted she would like it now.

And yet, here she fucking _was._

After he was done telling her about _The Conqueror_ the last time they met at the library, he'd even helped her with the transfiguration spells. And he had made her _laugh._ She _never_ laughed, she only did it like – twice in a day, and those laughs were reserved for herself. She hadn't told him that he had made her laugh either, she'd had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep it from escaping. But he'd _known._

"So, what do you have today?"

June blinked.

It was _surreal_ having Sirius Black asking her for her schedule.

"Nothing – nothing much," she said finally. "I think I have _Care of Magical Creatures,_ with Professor Kettleburn."

A slow smile spread over Sirius Black's face.

"What?" she asked self-consciously.

"You know, you did not stumble _at all_ when you said that," he said triumphantly.

She went red and looked at her knees. "Shut up, Sirius Black."

He stuffed his face with toast.

"June?"

It was Lily. She was looking at them, incredulous.

"Hi, Lily," said June, miserable.

"You came down with Black?"

"Of course she did, Evans," said Black at once. "Don't you know we've been secretly dating all this time?"

June went even redder, and tried to shrink into herself.

"For heaven's sake," said Lily, tossing her hair and sitting down across them. "June, just tell me if you need me to hex him."

"She would _never –"_

"Yes, please," said June in a small voice.

"Ha!" said Lily. "There you go, Black."

"You _wound_ me, Williams. And after I confided my deepest secrets in you."

June felt like she was turning a shade of purple or something. "Not very _good_ secrets," she mumbled.

Black gave a short bark of laughter, that one that was particular to him. Lily looked shocked.

"Pick your jaw off the floor, Evans. Just because Williams is capable of actually saying something rude once in a while, eh?" said Black.

"Sorry," said June quickly.

"Don't be," said Black without missing a beat. "Anyway, I have to be off. Unlike some people here, I actually _have_ Ancient Runes. And I have to write something important."

"You can write, Black?" asked Lily, her voice acid.

"Of course. It's a love letter, Evans. You wouldn't understand," he said, winking at June.

She really _was_ going to kill him.

* * *

Charms class had now become her official place to mope over the letters Sirius Black was sending her. She had collapsed into her arms, regarding the newest note he had sent.

It had been one week since she gave him _My Family and Other Animals,_ and he was already done. If this was how fast he was going, she was going to run out of books soon enough.

Dear Reader,

Not your usual style, is it? There were no murders, and no battles, and not a lot of romance either. Do you happen to read everything?

It was a good book, though. I really enjoyed it – I laughed like anything, which made James curious, if you were wondering. And he wants to read it as well. But you can trust me. I wouldn't give away your books to others, I promise.

I can see why you read this book when you are feeling sad. I think the scorpions alone would be able to bring anyone out of any and all unhappiness – and if it isn't that, then perhaps Margo's dramatic boat ride after her broken heart? Either way, the drama really suits me. I hope your mother enjoyed it as much as you and I did.

\- S

She was going to _burn_ the note. And her books. And anything remotely associated with herself.

She was exhausted by the week's end. She had lost her biggest super power: She was no longer able to move from room to room without once being noticed. If it wasn't Lily, who seemed to have taken her new found "attitude" as an invitation to have her hang out with herself and the girls more often, it was Sirius Black, who seemed to have no other friends or something.

She was being uncharitable, she knew. It wasn't like Black was seeking her out all times of the day, but she had to be even more careful if she was inconspicuously trying to watch him read.

"Williams," said Sarah, by way of greeting.

Here was someone else who seemed perfectly capable of noticing her now. June hated it.

"Hello," she said.

Sarah settled down next to her without another word. Flitwick was already in class, and was ordering everyone to take their wands out. June shuffled about, hunting for her wand, readying herself for a more practical lesson – which involved conversation and everything. As she pulled her wand out, there was the sound of a heavy thud nearby.

"Oh, Williams – you dropped your book. Hang on –"

Sarah scooped the book up just as June hurriedly said, "Oh, that's alright -"

"Is that – is that Georgette Heyer? _"_ asked Sarah.

_Fuck._

June tried to snatch it out of her hands, but Sarah held it out of her reach.

"Could have _sworn_ Sirius Black was carrying that a few days ago," added Sarah with a drawl, even as June's fingers barely brushed Sarah's wrist.

June fell back, breathing heavily. "It's not mine. I mean – I mean, yes it is. No, he gave it to me."

Sarah was surveying her. "You and I both know that that's not true. Now, explain, or I will explain it to him."

_Fuck!_

"No. _No!_ Please don't do that!"

Sarah began to smile. "Then _explain,"_ she said, folding her arms. Her smile looked particularly chilling – very entertained, and very ready to call Dumbledore himself on June's _small_ mishap.

"Can we do this a little later?" asked June desperately. "I promise to tell you _everything_ during lunch."

"Alright," said Sarah. "It amazes me that you didn't stumble even a little bit when you said that. This isn't the first time you're conspiring, I take it?"

June groaned. " _No."_

"By the by," said Sarah, grinning. "What book did you give him this time?"

June glared.

" _A Wizard of Earthsea,"_ she said, through gritted teeth.

"Le Guin," nodded Sarah. "You have good taste.

"So I've been told," said June, wishing with all her might that she could just disappear from this world in entirety.


	9. Papillon by Henri Charrier

June took a long drink of pumpkin juice before she began. Sarah watched her with some amusement. She shuddered as the cold pumpkin juice went down her throat.

"Do you drink, Williams?" asked Sarah.

"I'd like to start," said June, surprising even herself.

"Lovely," said Sarah. "Begin from the beginning."

June sighed. "I don't – I don't know how it happened, really. I ended up with his – erm, that is, his transfiguration book. Lucky it was transfiguration. He's good at that, doesn't miss it."

"Yes, because that was what we were all worried about," said Sarah. "God forbid Sirius Black is less than perfect at his transfiguration."

"You laugh, but it would be a proper tragedy for some of the girls," said June darkly.

Sarah looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"What?" asked June.

"Nothing," she said with a smile.

"Anyway. Why didn't you just take your book back, once you realised?"

"I wanted to, believe me," said June, with as much earnestness as she could muster. "I really am _not_ – not – not… one of the girls who… erm, _dreams_ after him. I don't! I just – he was _reading_ the book, and he seemed – I don't know – interested. And then – and then – the next thing I know – I left him a Christie."

This speech seemed to have taken something out of her. Sarah surveyed her critically.

"Alright."

"Alright?" asked June.

"I believe you. But you have to be careful, Williams. He could know it's you any time if he glanced at your handwriting."

"God, I know," groaned June. Her head dropped into her arms.

"There, there," said Sarah, biting a laugh. "It's not _terrible."_

"But it _is,"_ said June. "You know it is! What am I _doing,_ writing him notes, leading him on? What on earth is _wrong_ with me? Why would I want to strike up a friendship with him, of all people?"

Sarah's brows disappeared into her fringe. "What do you mean, notes? Have you been exchanging letters as well?"

June went pink. She nodded.

"Ah," said Sarah.

June moaned.

"No – it's not – it's not that bad. You were just doing something nice, Williams. You just have to avoid him, don't you?"

"Easier said," murmured June. "I used to be – I don't know – I'm good at – _wallflowering,_ do you know?"

June had never seen Sarah Freegood look so amused. "Yes."

"And now…"

"I will admit, if you are friends with him, it might even get worse," added Sarah sagely.

"What?" said June sharply. "Why?"

"Because you're friends with him," reasoned Sarah. "I don't know if you have noticed, but he doesn't have lot of female friends."

"What about – what about Lily?"

"If you think Evans is his friend, you really need to take stock of your observation skills, Williams," said Sarah.

"Fuck," said June. " _Fuck."_

"I have _never_ heard you swear."

"I do it a lot," said June, honestly. "In secret."

"Ha. I knew it."

"Shut up."

"No."

June glared at her.

"To think Warren was the good reason for me uncovering all this," crowed Sarah.

"I don't think he minded switching seats," said June absently, still preoccupied with her problems. "Julia Stinton has been going out with him last few weeks."

Sarah raised her eyebrows. "She has?"

"Yes," said June, lamenting the loss of her invisibility. "Didn't you know?"

"In any case," said Sarah. "You'd better switch your seats in other classes as well and sit with me. Your handwriting is a giveaway."

"Is it?" asked June.

"Oh, yes," said Sarah. "He's studying your handwriting like a cursebreaker from Gringotts."

" _Fuck,"_ repeated June.

Unfortunately, one of Sarah's predictions came true – June wasn't being watched or followed by his _fanclub,_ as it were, but she was being _noticed_ from time to time. Sometimes with a sense of curiosity, sometimes with open interest, and other times, just _because._

June – unused to being noticed, became very conscious. The lucky thing was, Sarah – in her own no-nonsense way – managed to protect her. She was there in most of her classes, and she didn't seem to be taking June's advice or opinion before she switched June from her seats. Having Sarah sit with her was a convenient way to avoid anyone noticing her handwriting too much – a thing she had to protect with her life now, it seemed. They sat next to each other in class, which is why they ended up walking to a lot of their classes together – and inevitably, people paid her less attention because she _was_ with someone, and that someone wasn't Sirius Black.

It also helped that she met Black mostly at the library lately, although the sanctity of her corner had been violated. She had noticed that thanks to Black, there were girls hovering near her spot – previously untouched by society.

"Oh, for crying out loud," she muttered under her breath, as she spotted the fourth person to wander in this section. It was a section about caring for _toadstools,_ so she had no idea why people were here to begin with.

"What's up?" asked Sirius, engrossed in his book.

"I know _you're_ used to it," said June, jabbing her thumb at the girl who was perusing the slicing of Asiatic toadstools. "But I – I _cannot."_

She was a _little_ more articulate around him, but not by much.

Sirius looked at the girl. "Oh," he said. "Well, she isn't close enough for me to tell her to shove off," he said reasonably. "But as soon as she is, I will."

"Alright," said June.

"You bothered?" he asked, his brows knitting with concern.

"Not used to it," said June, rolling her shoulders with discomfort.

"I guess I don't notice it anymore," said Sirius.

June glared at the girl, who was conspicuously peeking at Sirius through _South Asian Toadstools and Stem Care._ She wasn't typically a very violent person. But this was one thing too much for her this week. She didn't even have to whisper it – she cast the trip jinx nonverbally, and the girl toppled off.

June turned back to her Charms essay, her face hidden behind her bangs. Sirius seemed ready to burst with laughter, but he wrestled it down to a smile and turned back to his book.

The girl hopped off, clutching her book on toadstools. June finally glanced up, to find Sirius looking at her _proudly._

"Well _done,"_ he said.

She hated herself for it, but she coloured with pleasure.

Sarah found the time she spent with Sirius Black outside of writing letters and exchanging books _even_ funnier. She would not stop teasing June about it – and as the only person who actually knew the identity of the 'reader,' June could not even stop her. She bore it with as much magnanimous patience as she could – occasionally snapping back. But this just made Sarah _pleased,_ and more combative than ever.

By the time she got her next letter from Sirius back – detailing all of his questions about the world of Earthsea, about the way the story was written, about the history of fantasy writing – June felt comfortable enough to just _tell_ Sarah about the letter. It was a nice one, after all:

Dear Reader,

Do muggles often write about magic? It seems amazing to me that they could have thought up a whole world of magic, a whole world in which they don't exist – simply because. Do you think it's because we already have magic, that we don't have to imagine as much as the Muggles do?

If I sound excited, it's because I am. Six years of Muggle Studies has not been as much fun as it has been reading the books you give me. It keeps prompting questions in me – do we even have it in us to hide from them if they have the capability to imagine this much? The story she wrote was two steps away from being Hogwarts itself. How do we know if they have not imagined this story already? At times, it feels like it would be something of a boring story – what do we spend our time doing, except, perhaps, going for classes? I don't see why muggles would be interested in our Charms essay, but there you are. She spent all this time writing about Ged's classes, and I enjoyed it.

I could read your thoughts in the corner of the writing. It made me think, too. I had not considered some of the things you did – where _were_ the women of the story? Has she written more? It seems strange that she would write such a lot about boy's schools and nothing about women. Women have magic, but she says its inferior. I know what you thought of that, of course – you had written that you found it interesting that the more domestic magic is made lesser, but that is always by the male characters of the story. Do you think she did that deliberately? Does she ever bring it up again?

Thank you for the book, regardless. I sound breathless in this note. I will stop before I embarrass myself further.

Best,

S

She hadn't let Sarah read it – despite her being painfully curious about the contents. She had summarised it a little, and Sarah had laughed. "Trust you to make Sirius Black interested in reading."

"I didn't do it!"

"That will hold up in front of the Wizengamot, Williams," said Sarah, scratching out something from her essay. "'I didn't do it!'"

June glared.

"Anyway, do you have a copy of the new book, by chance? The Mills and Boon. It was an _Intrigue_ ," asked Sarah. "The one that came out this summer."

"No?"

"Oh. It's good. I'll ask mother to post my copy, you should read it."

Sarah said all of this as tonelessly as possible, which was what shocked June. She was able to discuss bodice rippers with the meditative calmness of a saint.

She had introduced Sarah to Hagrid. One of the nice things about having someone who knew her secret correspondence was that she could read around Sarah, and not have to pretend that she didn't know much about books. Sarah herself liked reading – she didn't read as much as June, but she enjoyed murders and romances in good measure. They discussed harlequins and bodice rippers – books that she would never, _ever_ admit to Sirius Black that she liked.

"I'm glad yer making friends, June," said Hagrid heartily, when she came alone to his hut once. "And I like this Sarah."

She nodded, carefully avoiding the topic of just _how_ she had become friends with him. Anyway, she was still using his cottage too often to sneak away for some reading time. Or, on this occasion, to write a long letter without being noticed by her dorm mates.

She wrote a reply to Sirius – with a long, slightly chatty letter about the fantasy trend in Muggle literature. Then, she spoke of a long history of wizarding literature, detailing the way the printing press had been used in wizarding history. She talked about the lack of a cohesive wizarding public before the twentieth century, and how that sort of thing seriously hampers the kind of writing that can come. She didn't know where she had found it in her to give all this information – but it was almost easy. It was easy to tell him about Tolkien, and Terry Brooks, and Ursula Le Guin. She told him honestly that she didn't have a copy of anything beyond _The Tombs of Atuan,_ but if he wanted to know how she wrote women, she could lend him that one next. She had given him _Papillon_ in exchange for _A Wizard of Earthsea,_ where she had responded to his letter about _My Family and Other Animals._ She would have to give this reply along with the next book – _The Tombs of Atuan,_ she promised herself.

She was surprising herself a little, by all these theories that she had of literary history in the wizarding world. She didn't _know_ she knew so much.

October was coming to an end by the time she had given him _Papillon._ The Ravenclaw and Gryffindor match had gone in Gryffindor's favour, and it was heard that James was making everyone practice endlessly for the one against Slytherin which was to take place in November. Thankfully, Sirius wasn't on the team – and hence not busy with Quidditch. She wanted to know what he thought of _Papillon_. This fact shocked her, and she had a meltdown near Sarah, who only laughed.

In the middle of this, the first Hogsmeade weekend was announced. June didn't usually care much about that sort of thing. She had never dreamed to make any plans with anybody whatsoever. She thought she might slip to the village and head to Scrivenshaft's, for some new notebooks and quills. She had also thought she might browse the shelves of Jobber & Knoll. She was well stocked for this year; she had worked very hard over summer, after all. But she enjoyed looking through the shelves.

She was unused to have friends. She didn't tell anyone of her plans, and no one told her of theirs. The weekend dawned, and June packed off to the kitchen to prepare a lunch for herself. She didn't _usually_ have enough to do anything more than buy some chocolates at Honeydukes.

She trudged off to Hogsmeade by herself. The sea of students heading to the village was jabbering amongst themselves – discussing some of the war, thinking through their assignments and classes. June was trying to get out of the crowd as soon as possible, because she really wanted to read for sometime.

She made a beeline for Jobber & Knoll, while almost everyone else headed to Zonko's. Some students seemed to be heading to the book shop as well, but they were few and far in between.

There was a variety of Wizarding fiction, but most of it was travel writing. That sort of thing had started in the 17th century, but the trend had continued – June didn't care much for travel writing. She had read _Werewolves in Albany_ and _Amongst The Fairies_ (Obscurus Books, 1789 and 1796) – but even the more recent travel writing didn't enchant her. Wizarding culture didn't seem to have developed writing trends as well as Muggle literature had – the more scattered nature of wizarding society was somewhere at fault, she knew. But magical publishers had printed some lovely editions of old Muggle books. She knew that the rarest first editions of Shakespeare weren't actually the Muggle publishers – but that of one of the first Wizarding printing presses' – then called Sterne & Scrolls.

She had frequently eyed the copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ by Obscurus Books that had moving illustrations. It was enchanting. Of course, she loved her Grandmother's copy too much to actually dream of that sort of thing too much – so she turned away from it firmly. She was fingering a copy of _Ghosts_ that was fairly out of her pocket when Sarah popped from behind the shelves.

"I _knew_ you'd be here," said Sarah.

June – easily spooked – jumped out of her skin.

"You are going to give me something of a heart attack," she said crossly.

"I dream of the day, Williams," said Sarah, stepping from behind the bookshelf. "What are you looking at?"

"Ibsen."

"Who?"

Even Sarah, who read some of Muggle literature, could not be counted on to always know what June was talking about.

"Playwright," said June, by way of explanation.

"Oh. Any good?"

Just as June was about to answer, a carrying whisper came from the other side of the shelf.

"… I couldn't find anyone who might have a copy of _Pride and Prejudice,"_ said the whisper.

June's heart stopped. Sarah's eyes were wide – she peeped from behind the shelf for half a second.

'Evans,' she mouthed to June, who nodded.

"On the other hand, there's a rumour that I have turned romantic and am clearly hankering for a date," groaned Lily.

"Fascinating story, Lils," drawled Marlene. "Why are we here?"

"I thought we might go to the bookshop and have a look at who all come here. Black says the girl is still exchanging books with him, so she must be something of a bookworm."

Ah, yes. June had forgotten Lily was smart.

"You go that way," said Lily. "I'll check this section. Marlene, try to get into the back."

"He has a cute nephew running the shop, doesn't he?" asked Marlene. "Leave it to me."

This was the fourth or third time June had wished for the earth to open up and swallow her whole. The bitch refused to listen to her prayers.

"You hide behind me," hissed Sarah. "Come on, we'd better go."

They padded softly through the store, but just as they reached the counter, they saw Marlene flirting with the boy at the register.

"You go," Sarah said, through her teeth. "I'll stand in front of her. Distract, if needed."

June nodded. She felt her heart pump into her throat itself, while Sarah stood behind Marlene, holding a book. She signalled June to leave, and June burst through the bookshop. She thought, for a second, that Marlene turned to see who had left – but Sarah blocked her.

She panted as she reached outside, doubled up – wondering if she should wait for Sarah in plain sight.

"Williams?"

Fucking _amazing._

Sirius Black and his friends stood in front of her, in all their glory. She was instantly aware of how tongue tied she was feeling.

"Um – erm. Er. Hi?"

"What are you doing?" asked James, looking at her curiously.

"I was – I was heading – I mean, I think I was – that is, I _am –_ Scrivenshaft's," she finished.

Sirius smiled without any tell-tale arrogance _._ "Come with us, Williams."

Sarah popped out of the bookshop just then. "I headed her off, Williams – oh."

"Freegood," said Black by way of greeting.

"What do you want, Black?" asked Sarah.

"We were inviting Williams to come with us to Scrivenshaft's," said Sirius.

"And why would she want to do that," she said. She phrased it like a question, but it really didn't sound like one.

"Um –" began June.

"Would she rather be with you?" asked Sirius.

"Of _course –"_

"That's enough," said James, in a very uncharacteristic move. "Why don't both of you come? And we were going to go to The Three Broomsticks after."

"Oh, I brought lunch," said June, blankly. Sirius and Sarah frowned, but the moment passed. "Let's go to Scrivenshaft's."

Sirius walked in step with June, while Sarah glared at him. She walked with Remus Lupin, but June had _noticed._ She wasn't entirely sure what had happened between her and Sirius just then, but it was certainly very strange.

"Hey," said Sirius, jabbing her with his finger. "Why can't you come to The Three Broomsticks? Rosmerta runs the place now, and she gives me discounts." He smiled at her in the most disarming way possible.

"Oh – well, I can't afford it, Sirius," she said. It didn't really bother her to talk about it. Of course, no one had asked before this. She had a feeling it would make people uncomfortable – it never made _her_ uncomfortable.

The situation with June's money was tricky. Living on scholarship was bad enough, but the scholarship rarely covered more than what you could get second hand. She didn't always have enough left over to do anything fun for herself – which was why she got summer jobs, took buses, earned her money to be able to buy books or chocolate. She never saved any to do – to do things _with_ people. She'd never really _had_ people to do things with.

But Sirius was frowning. Not in discomfort, but in perplexity.

"Why not?"

"Well," said June, feeling uncomfortable _now._ She was glad he was speaking to her separately – she didn't like giving away this much of herself to strangers. "My mum and dad don't pay for my education – or – or anything, for that matter. There's a little bit of a scholarship for students who can't afford to study here, but it's not really enough for – well – well, nice things."

She had considered asking Dumbledore if she could get a weekend job somewhere, but she knew he might increase her scholarship money. In any case, she didn't want for much more.

"It's alright," she added, reassuring him for some reason. "It's never – never bothered me. That is, I didn't – I didn't really have too many _friends_ for it to be a bother. I usually save money," she added, rambling for good measure. "But I spend it on – on other things, because I didn't have anyone to spend it with, ever.

Now he was looking properly irritated. June wondered what she had said.

"You have friends _now,_ Williams," he said gruffly.

"We're friends?" asked June, surprised.

She was having a hard time keeping track of his moods, but he looked annoyed.

"Yes," he said. "You're coming to the Broomsticks. You don't have to buy anything."

"Alright," said June, her heart swelling. "But also – I don't – I don't know _your_ friends," she said in a hushed voice. "Can I join you some other time? I'll eat with Sarah."

"You really are something, Williams," said Sirius. "Suit yourself. Now come – I need a new quill. What are you here for?"

"I need a new notebook," said June. "I know just the one – it's at the back of the shop, college ruled – green cover, and –" she stopped. "What?" she asked. He was laughing. _Mood swings of a girl on her period,_ thought June to herself.

"Perfect sentences, you _notebook_ enthusiast."

She blushed red. "You know you are -!"

"I know," he said. He held her by her arm and began dragging her. She allowed herself to be dragged. "Show me your perfect notebook."

"And I picked just the right one, in budget," added June, in a huff.


	10. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with the last AN I actually included, this one is also time specific. You can guess what prompted this one :))
> 
> ******Oh, I forgot to mention this in my last chapter but JKR can eat me. There is no space for transphobia in this house, and as far as I'm concerned whatever she is has little bearing to how I approach this story!******

November froze whatever remained of autumn. Everything was becoming cold and colder – their classes moving towards the Christmas holidays with a finality. Everyone was trying their best to finish their assignments to the best of their abilities to have a good holiday. It was not as easy as it used to be in their younger years – there was always far more work assigned over any and all holidays _now._

June was grappling with her work very well – thanks to Sirius Black, her reading time had been neatly cut into less than half. It didn't help that he always found her in the library and read _her_ books. There was some sort of irony there, but June wasn't going to spend time pondering it. It might drive her mad.

She was conscious of the fact that she was becoming more comfortable around him. When he teased her, she responded in kind. When he fought with her, she fought back. He had noticed a gleam when she did, but she couldn't place the feeling behind it.

His letters were becoming longer, too. He had finished _The Tombs of Atuan_ in no time – punctuated by a long letter about _Papillon,_ and how he would try to escape from a penal colony. She had just _known_ he'd love something like that – a wrongly framed prisoner escaping from a prison was just the sort of thing Sirius Black would appreciate and enjoy. He confessed in his letter that it had kept him awake for many days, along with a fool proof plan to escape from Azkaban. She couldn't help pointing out that with the dementors supporting You-Know-Who, Azkaban was not as impossibly secure as before. _Papillon_ was a long book, but he had finished it within two weeks.

By the third week of November, June had noticed a bigger problem. Since Lily had begun her discreet inquiries into the identity of Sirius' book supplier, rumours started to spread. About how he had spent his Hallowe'en date with Sally O'Connell talking about the books he was reading. About how he was in love with the girl who was supplying him with books.

A roaring trade started up – Hogsmeade post-office was flooded with orders from different girls for books. Jobber & Knoll had never seen an onslaught of shoppers – the owner remarked fondly to his nephew that perhaps the Youths were more interested in reading than he had anticipated. All of the fanclub tried to hand over Sirius books. He declined, as politely as possible – with Peter sniggering in the background and James biting his lip with laughter.

June found herself as an unconscious target for all of this. Since everyone seemed convince the point was to get Sirius to the books with their letters by any means possible – people had taken to slipping him books when they could. Gryffindor girls had an obvious advantage, but the rest of them resorted to trying to get a hold of his bag. If they couldn't get his bag – they would get to _hers._

"For you," said June, shoving a copy of _Jane Eyre_ into his hands. She fell into her usual chair in the library table, while Sirius flipped through the book.

"This isn't _hers,"_ he said.

"I _know,"_ said June. "Can you please tell the others to shove off?"

He started laughing. "You been getting a lot of my mail?"

"You _know_ I have," said June. "It was a copy of Dickens the other day, and someone had the amazing idea to hand over Dostoevsky."

"You know these authors?" asked Sirius, looking interested.

"Um – erm – that is, I haven't read them," said June, back pedalling furiously. "I have heard of them. Very common Muggle authors."

He didn't seem suspicious for _too_ long, thankfully.

"How come they don't slip these things in your bag?" complained June.

"The rest of us are too careful," said Sirius, assuming an air of wisdom. "You see – we're _used_ to it. I have never let my bag out of my sight since fourth year."

June groaned. "Well, I'm _not_ used to it."

"Trip jinx them."

"You trip them," said June.

"You."

"You."

"Me."

"Me – ah, _fuck,"_ said Sirius. "You _sly_ little –"

"Ha!" said June, sticking her tongue out.

She'd become too comfortable around him. Instantly self-conscious, she shrunk into herself.

"Now, don't do that!" he laughed.

"What?" she asked.

"You're retreating again!"

"Come off it," said June, feeling shy.

"Come on, Williams. Surely I've inspired a _little_ confidence?"

He had – that was the problem.

"You're being silly," she said.

He winked at her then. "How are you spending your Christmas, by the way?"

"Oh – I always stay in Hogwarts," said June thoughtlessly.

He had become – become _curious_ about her life. He was frowning in that way again, where she felt like he was trying to piece a puzzle.

"What about you?" she asked, in an attempt to deflect his attention. "I mean – the holidays are three weeks away, so I don't know why –"

"I always go to the Potters'," he said shortly.

"Do you miss home?" she asked.

"Do you?"

She chewed her lip. "Sometimes," she admitted. "I miss my mother. Sometimes."

He turned away from her. "I miss my brother. Sometimes."

She nodded. "I have this Transfiguration spell to practice. Can you help me?"

He pulled the book towards him, and they began working together. They did this more often – since Transfiguration was not one of her strong suits. She helped him with Herbology from time to time. She only asked for his help in the practical part of it – she couldn't risk him figuring out her handwriting.

They passed the hours companionably. He didn't always seek her out, or hang out with her. Most of his days were spent with _his_ friends. But when he had to read, he always came here. June had resigned herself to her friendship with him. It was unwanted, and largely very suspicious – but she couldn't _do_ anything about it.

Once they were done for the day, she gathered her books. He pulled his book out.

"You're done with that one?" asked June.

"Probably by tomorrow or something. I think mystery-reader is keeping a track of me. She always knows when I'm done."

June turned away to hide her face blanching. She'd better wait a few days before giving him _Madame Bovary._

She knew Madame Bovary was a little different from the stuff she usually gave – but she felt – she felt like she _could._ She didn't understand his taste completely, but she was feeling a sense of _rightness_ about this book. It was… something like a test in her head. It wasn't one she knew the meaning of – but she felt inordinately nervous about this book. About how it would be received.

"Can I tell you something I wouldn't tell the others?" asked Black.

She slung her bag across her shoulder. "Alright," she said.

"I liked _Pride and Prejudice_ most."

She blinked. "The romantic book?"

"Yeah," he said. "I like all this other stuff, too. But I liked that one most."

"You're very surprising," she said honestly. "I have to go now. Sarah should be here any minute."

Sarah peeped from behind the shelves just as June said this. "You coming, Williams?"

"Where are you both headed?" asked Sirius, his eyes narrowing.

"None of your _business –"_ – began Sarah – "We're going to Hagrid's," finished June.

"You know, one of these days, you are going to try my patience for the last time," said Sarah conversationally.

"It's late, though," said Sirius.

"We'll be back by dinner," promised June.

"And anyway, it's _none_ of your –"

June pinched Sarah.

Sirius was grinning. "You out breaking rules, Williams?" he asked.

June flushed. "No. _No!"_ she glared. "No," she added for good measure.

"Very convincing," he nodded.

"Oh go _away,_ Sirius Black," huffed June. She grabbed Sarah by the arm and headed off.

Sarah was surveying her carefully even as they walked out of the library. "What?"

"You're _comfortable_ around him." There was a hint of accusation in her voice.

June buried her face in her hands. "I _know."_

"Oh, good. Then I don't have to talk you out of it."

"I can't _help_ it, Sarah. I get his – his letters, he spends – all this – all this _time!_ with me. I can't help becoming – becoming _comfortable_ around him. I'm comfortable around you!" she pointed out.

"That's _different._ I know your dirty little secret."

June stared firmly ahead, even though her cheeks felt very pink. "I don't know why he likes antagonising me," she added, more to herself than anything else. Sarah laughed.

"What?" demanded June.

"You _are_ blind," she said. "It turns him on, June."

"What?" repeated June.

"Turns him on. He likes it when you fight back."

"That's – that's – that's not – you're absurd!"

"Oh, don't lose your articulation _now."_

"What the hell do you mean ' _turn on' –"_

"It excites him, sexually," said Sarah, her face expressionless.

June made a noise between a groan and a strangled scream. "Be _quiet,_ Sarah!"

"Suit yourself," she shrugged.

June put that sort of thing out of her head instantly. But it settled somewhere in the stomach, you see. Thoughts about love usually do that – they don't stay in the head, or the heart. But they remain in the stomach. That's how you get butterflies.

* * *

November moved without being noticed. The Gryffindor versus Slytherin match _also_ went in Gryffindor's favour. She had Sirius' letter about _The Tombs of Atuan,_ and she had perused it carefully. She had responded to all the excitement and things he said, she had written a response that was both enthusiastic and detailed. But she was really, really waiting for his take on _Madame Bovary._ Everything was already hurrying forward at an alarming pace: she moved through the days with an admirable sense of herself, taking stock of the world and everything in it.

She had to acknowledge something truly horrible: it was sort of nice to have people to spend time with. Sarah had become an actual – an actual _friend._ She was spending her Christmas away from Hogwarts, as well. December seemed as empty as life had been so far. The last few months had been the most exciting thing that had happened to her: she had made friends.

Only two, and only sometimes friends – but friends, nonetheless. She was very proud of herself.

She had been watching Sirius read _Madame Bovary,_ almost as anxiously as she had originally watched him read _Pride and Prejudice._ He didn't betray anything new, and if there was anyone who knew this was important – it was Sarah. She also watched, but from the corner of her eye. She didn't say anything, but June was observant enough to know that she was watching.

"Be careful, Williams," she said one day.

"About what?"

She nodded to Sirius Black, reading on the breakfast table.

"Why?" asked June, confused.

"Something's not right about this," said Sarah, frowning. "He's – he's too interested. You ought to be careful."

"But about _what?"_ insisted June.

Sarah blinked at her. "Are you being deliberately obtuse?"

"Obtuse about _what,_ though?"

"Nevermind," said Sarah. "Tell me when it clicks in your head."

June turned back to her breakfast. Sometimes, Sarah made _no sense_ whatsoever.

 _Madame Bovary_ was her sole focus, not Sirius himself. She watched as he turned the pages – she remembered what happened so clearly, so well, that she didn't have too much trouble guessing which part he was at. When she saw him approaching the end of the book, she felt her heart pounding. She had already planned to give him _Arabella_ by Georgette Heyer – as something that was a little easier, and a little more fun. As soon as she saw he was done, she felt herself square her shoulders in anticipation.

In a few nights, she changed the books. Her letter in _Arabella_ was a long response to his review of _The Tombs of Atuan._

There was a shorter letter pressed into _Madame Bovary._ She peeled it out of the leaves of the book, turned on one lamp in the common room and read:

You love her, don't you? She's you.

Best,

S

Her fingers touched the words. She had all these responses in her head – and she attempted to write them down – scratching them out one by one. She thought of defences, of arguments, counter arguments – long histories of literature which would prove conclusively that she did not have any particular attachment to Emma Bovary.

But when she slipped back upstairs – unable to _not_ respond to this note immediately – all that was written was:

_Yes._

\- _Reader_


	11. Olive by Dinah Maria Craik

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point forward you're going to find some of the elements of the older version of this story - I mean, I had scattered them here and there, with the kitchens and everything. But this one is very directly lifted from My Dear Fellow. Some of you might remember it, but I'm not going to spoil you early soooooo, here we go!

Sally O'Connell still seemed to be expecting him to ask her out, despite the fact that he hadn't seen her since Hallowe'en. He had no intentions to ask her out on the final Hogsmeade trip before the Christmas holidays, not when all of his plans involved heading to Zonko's with James.

It wasn't that he didn't _date –_ he'd had girlfriends before, but he only ever did it because it was convenient. He had never felt particularly strongly for any girl. Remus said it was because he never gave them enough time to grow on him, but he somehow doubted it. Even the sanest and least fangirly of girls didn't appeal to him beyond a point.

And now there was this girl.

He looked forward to her letters. He looked forward to hear her talk endlessly about wizarding literature, about the history of the printing press in history. He even looked forward to the books she sent. He'd finished _The Tombs of Atuan_ in no time – and there had been a long and chatty letter in the middle of that for _Papillon._ She really knew what would appeal to _him –_ a prisoner escaping from a French penal colony? It kept him awake for many days. When he wrote to her, he had detailed how he would escape from a prison if he had to. She'd pointed out that Azkaban wasn't as impossibly secure as before, what with the dementors off supporting You-Know-Who. She'd also said it wasn't fair if he was trying to escape from Muggle prisons, being a Wizard. They wouldn't even know what his wand meant.

She was always careful not to ask him about his life. She drew a line – a very strict one, he noted. She never asked about his classes, about his friends, about his family. He would have told her, too – there was a sense of comfort around her, which he didn't have with people who were not James. But she strenuously avoided talking about either of their personal lives, and he respected her decisions.

With nothing else to go on, he paid attention to her writing. He noticed her letters were becoming more comfortable, he'd noticed that she didn't seem to be thinking as much of whether the sheet was perfect and without any cut letters. Her more recent book had been – had been something of a curiosity. He could tell, even by the way it was given – that this one was important to her. As important as _Pride and Prejudice._

In the corner of the writing, he had wanted to read what she had written. Her books, normally peppered with her thoughts, normally telling him all of what she was thinking for him to decipher – made it easier for him to read what her relationship with the book was. This time, however, the notes and thoughts were scarcer. He had noticed that she had underlined many different lines. She had scribbled small hearts under the ones she liked. Memorably, sometimes some lines were underlined thrice.

This was… this was important to her.

When he wrote his note – all he had really asked her was: was this important to her? And she had said yes.

This, he didn't even tell Williams. Williams was fast becoming his confidant in all things related to his reader – but he kept _this_ bit to himself.

As Christmas approached, and the holidays became closer, he'd noticed Williams always hanging around her spot in the library, working away as earnestly as she always did. It was so much easier to be around her while reading – she never commented on what he was reading, she only ever asked him what it was. Sometimes, her eyebrows would be raised in a mark of her curiosity. It had begun to snow since the last week of November, too – and to his own surprise, he was beginning to understand the appeal of a good book in cold weather.

On the morning of the weekend at Hogsmeade, he was settled somewhere in the common room. The night had been long – it was a full moon. He had collapsed in the common room itself when he came back, covered in a blanket. He had a feeling Peter had been the one to drop that on him.

He woke up to the sound of someone scrambling in the common room. His eyes fluttered open – someone's face blurred into his vision. Blonde hair, diminutive size –

_Williams?_

He watched as Williams jumped across the sofas and to the window. She was watching the outside world with a kind of enchantment he had never seen. She smiled (it occurred to him briefly that she didn't always smile, and never without being self-conscious about it), her fingers touching the window panes and leaving their imprints on the cold glass.

Then she grabbed something that she had kept on her side and ran out of the common room.

He pulled out a piece of parchment and tapped his wand on it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered hurriedly. She was rushing to the grand staircase.

Unbelievably intrigued, he shrugged of his blankets and summoned some warm clothes. He kept an eye on the map, watching her scurry downstairs to the grounds – and head directly to… _the lake?_

 _Around_ the lake, he noticed. He put on his scarf and hat and ran after her as well – down the grand staircase, and into the icy cold. She was moving fast – who knew Williams was so _speedy?_

There were foot prints to follow now – the snow was deep, she had put on her snow boots. There were indentations and creases where she had moved. For such a small person, her boots were a little large.

Her foot prints were slowing down, but he couldn't spot her. He glanced again at the map – and it told him that she was beyond some of the trees – in what seemed to be a slightly hidden corner near the lake. Williams really _was_ a fucking curiosity.

He carefully peered through the trees.

What he saw really _did_ shock him. Williams was staring out into the lake, her feet in front of her – a book on her side, and _ice skates_ kept on the other. She was putting on one of the ice skates on her feet, but seemed to be constantly distracted by the breaking of the sunlight on the edge of the horizon.

He was so confused and so interested, he didn't even think to keep hiding. "What are you doing?" asked Sirius, breaking out of the forestry.

She would have screamed. As it was, she fell on her side, clutching her heart. "What are _you_ doing?" she demanded.

"I saw you come downstairs," admitted Sirius. "And I followed you."

She glared.

"Are you _reading?"_

She tried to grab the book, but Sirius was too fast. He snatched the book instantly, and read the cover. _Mansfield Park_ by Jane Austen.

He looked at her.

"Thought I'd see what the fuss was about," she muttered. "Sarah lent it to me."

Sirius laughed. "You really are _something,_ Williams."

"What are _you_ reading?" she asked, a hint of accusation in her voice.

" _Olive,_ by Dinah Maria Craik. It's good. You should read that next."

"Har-har," she said with a grimace.

He wasn't lying. It _was_ a good book. The heroine was a little oblivious to the hero's advances, and there was a lot of interesting stuff going on about artistry and genius – what does female genius mean and all that. He had read _her_ notes in the background of this – of what she thought of hard work and writing, of how she felt about the heroine's cluelessness and insecurity. As if Williams was going to read it, though – he was surprised to find her with a Jane Austen.

He ignored all that, and focussed on the second mystery out of three: "And what is with the size of your snow boots?"

"What about them?" she asked defensively.

"Why are they so large? I know your feet aren't that big."

"Oh – they're my mum's old ones," said June.

"It's dangerous to wear giant ones, you know."

"And you're the foremost expert on safety."

"You know I am. Now, before you explode -"- and she looked quite _close_ to exploding –"- What are the ice skates about?"

She went a bright orange. June Williams had a variety of complex blushes, all of which were enchanting to trigger.

"I thought I might skate," she said, chewing her lip. "It's gotten cold enough. This part of the lake is always thick."

He was looking at her with amusement. "Come on, let's get going then," he said. "Skate!"

"You skate too! I'm not putting on a show for you."

Sirius sighed long-sufferingly. "The things you have to do," he said. He conjured a pair of skates from thin air. "Now if these bite, it'll be _your_ fault."

June scoffed. She shrugged off her giant coat, which hid away her entire body. When she stepped on the ice, Sirius held his hand out.

"What?"

"I can't _skate,_ Williams."

She giggled. She actually could look pretty when she laughed that way – trying to smother away the bit of happiness. June rationed laughter, like if the world noticed, it would be gone.

She held his hand and dragged him forward. "Can you balance? It's like walking."

It was his turn to glare at her. "You realise it's a thin blade we're standing on?"

She pressed her lips together to hide her laughter. "Come!" she ordered.

She held both his hands – moving smoothly from side to side. Sirius tried copying her, but he slipped. "It's like you're skating! Haven't you ever roller skated?"

"Blood-purity fanatic parents, June," he reminded her tersely.

"Oh – right. Well, I think your problem is that you are too afraid to leave the ice. You can't drag the blade – you have to lift! Then when you land, you glide."

He frowned. The colour seemed gone from his face entirely.

"Lift your foot, Sirius Black!" she commanded.

Sirius did. They didn't move from the spot, just practicing lifting a leg and putting it down again without losing balance. "Do you have some balance?" asked June.

"I think so," he said. He was concentrating a lot to stay still on the ice.

"Leave my hand for a second," she said. "I'll demonstrate."

He did, but after a lot of pleading on June's side. Eventually, when he left her – the air blew. Her hair fluttered in the wind, and she stood straighter, facing the sun. Her eyes were shut for half a moment. When she opened them again, there was a strange sort of fire in them.

She went off.

Up, down, _glide –_ up, down, _glide,_ up, down, _glide,_ up-down- _glide,_ up-down-glide, updown _glide, updownglide!_

She was moving faster and faster, it was making him dizzy. He saw what she meant – when she lifted her feet and brought them down smoothly, they flew across the ice – as if they were meant to support her body this way. She was going faster, even, spinning a circle around him. She bent forward as she flew – her hands arching gently behind her – and then spun into a twist.

She turned to face him.

Her cheeks were pink with the exercise already – and she was _grinning._ She had this brilliant smile plastered over her face.

"You know," he said, surprised. "You look pretty when you smile."

Instantly, the smile was gone. She blushed red now, but did not smile.

"Can you copy my movement?" she asked.

"Not the way you are doing it exactly," he said ruefully. "Where did you learn this?"

"Mum and I used to skate every Christmas," she said.

"No wonder your skates are sized right," he said. "Alright, I can try."

Up, and down, gently. He had no intention to go as fast as her. But movement – that was something he understood. It was a cross between flying and running, he told himself. His feet slid across the ice – and she gripped one of his hands. "Come on," she said, half laughing. He held her small hand for support – and moved slowly across the ice. She was patient – even when he gripped her tightly and made them both topple into the ice.

"Sorry!" he said.

"S'alright," she said, her fingers raking through her hair as she shook some of the cold out of her head. "You don't know how many times I used to fall when I first started."

They kept skating – ice and flying, ice and flying. He was pink by the end of it, too.

"Much as this is fun," he said. "And it _really_ is. Would you like to eat some breakfast?"

She blushed and agreed. She hung her skates off her back through their laces, tied around her shoulder. Sirius' skates vanished, as conjured things often do. "I have some bites," he said. "But that's alright."

She smiled. "It's fun, isn't it? Mum and I used to – every Christmas until I was thirteen, maybe."

"What happened after that?"

"Ah – she didn't – well, I don't – things got – well, um – complicated."

"Oh, don't be that way," he said in dismay. "We went a whole morning without you being that way."

She laughed – open, not a bitten down giggle or half a laugh. "Okay," she said.

They went to the Great Hall, where people were milling about for breakfast before the Hogsmeade day. "What are you doing today, Williams?" asked Sirius, as he swung into one of the benches.

"Sarah and I were going to Jobber & Knoll. She – _she_ wanted some books. And I – I mean, if things – well, um, if they go well – have an errand to run – to run for Hagrid _._ "

"I had no idea Freegood was such a bookworm. Maybe she is the mystery reader after all."

June was studiously putting butter on her toast. "Maybe."

"I just don't see it, though," he said. "She's very no-nonsense. The mystery-reader is a little fanciful."

Williams bit into her toast. "Right."

"In any case. I'm heading out with James."

"No date?" asked Williams.

"I don't like Sally O'Connell that much."

"You normally aren't single this long."

"You been noticing, Williams?" he said with a wink. She went a furious red.

"No!" she said.

"Relax. I just haven't felt like it – not since my correspondence."

"Oh," she said. "Alright."

She was staring at him. He looked back – but in an uncharacteristic move, she did not turn away immediately. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said. "Just something Sarah said. It clicked."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, you know, I remember when I was sixteen and I was writing the ice-skating scene - and I really enjoyed writing it! I sort of really felt like including that here, and I changed it a lot. I think in the last one, its June who doesn't know how to skate and Sirius did. But in this one I figured I'd switch it up because it serves the purposes of the plot better - something I am MUCH better at from the last time I wrote this story!
> 
> Do review! I love it when I get reviews!


	12. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's going to be something of a short chapter. It's an intermission before some of the upcoming plot points, so this is just a breather chapter. A neutral zone for everyone to catch their breath.
> 
> And, in the interest of full disclosure, this is another... element? Plot moment? Well - it is SOMETHING from the original story, My Dear Fellow. And since this won't exactly be spoilery, when I was young and stupid, I had written the Christmas chapter of My Dear Fellow, titled 'Three Christmases' with three different point of views. The thing is, since I have grown, I know now that I don't necessarily subscribe to having as many POV characters as I did in that story. In this story itself, I usually only have two perspective characters, and sometimes I lapse into a distant third-person perspective for the sake of a) comedy b) plot. bUt, because I wanted to keep some of the elements of the original, I used a third character perspective in this one. You'll soon see why!

The kettle whistled sharply. Remus put his book down and turned off the stove, glancing at the clock as he did so.

"Late again," he murmured. He added tea leaves to the water, and considered throwing in a bit of lemon for good measure when there was a knock on the door.

Remus rolled his eyes before going to open it. "You're late," he said.

"You're an angel," said Sirius Black, standing at his doorstep in a leather jacket. He had that awful grin plastered all over his face.

"You're ridiculous," said Remus, standing aside to let him in.

"You have your lemon and ginger thing brewing?" asked Sirius, sniffing the air.

Remus nodded. He went to the kitchen and poured out two cups of tea, seasoned with lemon and ginger. "No milk?"

"None, thanks."

"How have you been?" asked Remus.

"Driving myself batty," said Sirius. "You won't believe this, Moony – James has started reading fucking _Pride and Prejudice."_

Remus _was_ surprised. He indicated this with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Ooh, the eyebrow raise. You must be shaken," said Sirius, flopping down on the sofa.

Remus scoffed, handing him his cup of tea. "Thanks," said Sirius.

Remus sat down opposite him. He gathered his legs to the sofa and crossed them. "Why's he reading _Pride and Prejudice?"_

"Guess," said Sirius, blowing at his tea. "Impressing Evans."

Remus was amused. "It'll work, too," he promised.

"You think?"

"It's working for you, isn't it?" he pointed out. It was always a little hard to keep the edge out of his voice.

"Ha!" said Sirius. "I doubt I impress her."

Remus frowned. "Then why are you doing it?"

Sirius looked cross. "I like reading what she sends."

"Bravo, mystery-reader. I've been getting you to read _A Christmas Carol_ for nearly a decade and she managed it in a few months."

"Aw, don't feel bad, Moony. You know you're my first love."

Remus _really_ wished Sirius wouldn't say stuff like that. "What's she having you read now?"

"It's this heavy thing," said Sirius, his brows knitting. " _The Source."_

"Michener?"

Sirius nodded.

"Ambitious," murmured Remus.

"Fucking, _right?_ I was getting really bored at first, with all the stuff at the dig and all that – but then the part about the Bee Eater started, and I think I was hooked. I dunno."

"She knows you well."

"She does, doesn't she?" said Sirius. There was something far away in his eyes.

Remus coughed. "Anyway. Do you want to read?"

"Let's do it, Moony."

It was what they did every time for lunch on Christmas Eve. _A Christmas Carol,_ and a cup of tea. Sort of like half a tradition – to give Remus some time away from his mother, for Sirius to not have to be around his family. They weren't terrible people – it just took a lot from Remus to always be reminded of how his mother saw him, and Sirius had started this when he was still living at home with the Blacks. Now… there were fewer reasons to do this, but it was tradition after all.

* * *

Silence settled into the cupboards and the holly. The Great Hall – although beautifully decorated with Christmas Trees, with the corridors lined with mistletoe – was quiet. June didn't mind the silence at all – it was almost lucky things were so quiet. Having finished all her homework, she had been able to give a lot of time to her books. She had reorganised her boxes, she had stacked out a series of books she planned on giving Black. She had read four books already – smaller ones, of course. She had raided the library and read even _more._

She carted around her books and her thoughts without fear of being caught. Lately, she had even started fingering the cover of _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration._ Not _hers –_ his. She had wondered at the scribbles in the margin, had thought (in moments of weakness) that perhaps she _ought_ to read it, too. After all, he had access to all _her_ thoughts. Besides, she had a strong feeling there were a few secrets in that book – some which she already knew, some which she might be able to decipher if she was observant enough. And no one was here to notice her – she was hidden away in her usual places, folding on herself as she read.

Her corners and secret places – those which had not seen her in all of this year – learned her name and body again. There were very few people left in Gryffindor tower. Lily had gone home (after an unsuccessful attempt at finding the girl giving Sirius Black his books), as had Marlene and Mary. Sarah had left, and so had all the boys from her year. Dorcas Meadows had stayed, and she at times badgered June into playing a game of Wizarding Chess with her. Dorcas was about the only other person who was as good as June.

Normally, this would be something June would do without wanting to. But now – without the company of Sarah or Sirius – to her own surprise, she was missing the regularity of human contact and conversation. She had begun to enjoy playing Chess with Dorcas, even being beaten by her some times.

She also went to visit Hagrid many times. They spent their afternoons together, drinking hot cocoa and chatting about the different books June was reading, or classes. Hagrid told her about all the creatures he had been visiting during the winter. "They need a little 'elp, y'know," he said easily. "Bein' winter and all. Food becomes scarce for the ones who don't hibernate."

June nodded, but told him categorically that her interest in Care of Magical Creatures aside, she was not going to come and help him leave extra meat for Thestrals. For one thing, she couldn't see them.

"Yer doing better, aren't ya?" asked Hagrid, raking his fire.

June's cheeks were pink, but she nodded.

This was a broad consensus. Even Dorcas had said something about this. "You seem more cheerful, Williams."

"Thanks?" asked June, examining the chessboard.

"It's good," she said. "You sound like you're happy."

She said it almost as if June might have been half faking it. Which she might actually have been.

It was a nice holiday – in that she liked having time to herself. But it also reminded her of – of being without people to be around. She missed Sarah more, since being around Black was still a little stressful. Christmas really _was_ made of miracles.

* * *

On Christmas day, she was surprised to wake up to two presents more than what she was used to. She only ever got presents from Hagrid – and her mother. She spotted her mother's letter and present first. She decided to not even try reading the letter until _after_ Christmas day; it would upset her too much.

Mother's present wasn't too terrible this year. It certainly wasn't half as bad as last year, when she had gotten an old handkerchief of Dad's. This time, in an effort to mend something – it was a woollen cap. Not a very nice one, but it was in a nice shade of red. Her father hadn't sent anything.

Hagrid's present _wasn't_ rock cakes or anything that she would have to be careful eating. To her own surprise, Hagrid had gotten her a set of really nice Herbology tools. They were really sharp and clearly well suited to her. She was glad she'd had the good sense to send him something he'd _really_ enjoy this time. She didn't think Hagrid would mind a present being delivered a little late.

Then, she picked the one that was obviously Sarah's. The card was simple:

_Dear Idiot,_

_It has been good to have you around this year. Happy Christmas!_

_Yours,_

_Sarah_

June felt a lump in her throat. It was an unfamiliar one – she hadn't felt something like it in a long time. Sarah had brought her a very large box of Honeydukes chocolates and candies. It was oddly thoughtful – June wondered if Sarah had been paying attention when she had absentmindedly mentioned not having money to buy too much at Honeydukes. She had sent Sarah a scarf, and she was again glad that she had the good sense to send Sarah something. It hadn't even occurred to her that Sarah might be sending something, until she had said goodbye to June before leaving for home and actually looked _sad._

The last present actually made June feel bad. She had not been expecting Sirius to send her anything, and as such, she hadn't sent him anything either. She hoped it wasn't something good.

When she opened the box, what tumbled out was – _snow boots._

June rolled her eyes. She opened the card next:

Williams,

Don't roll your eyes. It's dangerous to have boots too big for your feet, you know. And with all those visits you make to Hagrid's hut, too. Keep warm.

Best,

Your-Lord-And-Saviour

PS: I know you didn't even think to send me anything. I forgive you, but only if you promise to give me something magnificent when I return. Something befitting me in all my gloriousness. Maybe a crown. There, I gave you half an idea already.

Despite the order, she rolled her eyes. Now she had to think of something to give him – and it couldn't be books, because she was still harbouring the pretence that she knew little about reading.

But she had more important things to deal with. After breakfast, she picked up Hagrid's present from her dormitory. Lily had told her very strictly to take care that the present didn't destroy anything. June had been very diligent about that sort of thing – and had cleaned up well. Lily ought to have nothing to complain about.

She took her bag, her book, and the large box and trotted off to Hagrid's for lunch. He was expecting her. This was tradition.

"Hello!" she said. "I brought you your present!"

"Bit late, innit?" asked Hagrid.

"I had to fight with Lily to allow it," said June, pushing the box in his face. "It's unwrapped for a reason."

Hagrid narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The box must have moved. _Might_ have moved.

" _Merlin!"_ he said.

June had picked carefully. Hagrid liked monsters, but she didn't have the stomach to smuggle acromantulas. What she had gotten him was something far more trainable.

"June, he's _wonderful!"_

And he was. The small boarhound puppy didn't look like much, but he was clearly Hagrid's new favourite.

"He's cute, right?" asked June, glowing.

"O'course. Is this what you did during the last Hogsmeade trip?"

She nodded brightly.

"Yer a woman after me own heart, June Williams," said Hagrid, easily overcome with emotions.

June batted away his attempts to hug her and crush her – but he succeeded anyway. June felt her heart swell again.

"I think I'm going to name him Fang."

She grinned at the irony. "Perfect."

They spent the next hour getting things ready – preparing a small bed for the newcomer. June dug through Hagrid's kitchen to find him a bowl for his food. She also pulled out one of Hagrid's older blankets and performed a severing charm to cut it into a right sized blanket for Fang.

Once Fang was curled up in his bed, and the blanket had been thrown on top of him, June settled into Hagrid's large chairs again. "Ready?" she asked, reaching inside her bag.

He smiled mistily and sat down as well. The first thing she accidentally pulled out was _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration._ Momentarily embarrassed, the second thing that emerged was _A Christmas Carol._ It was tradition, after all.


	13. The Source by James A Michener

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since ao3 is all caught up with this story, I am going to start including author's notes from this point forward! 
> 
> And, I have a confession. I completely forgot that in sixth year you are supposed to have apparition classes. Fully slipped my mind. I plotted fairly meticulously for the rest of this story, so why did I have to forget this? WHo knows. Anyway, I hope you don't mind that I have hamfisted Sirius getting his license.
> 
> Also, this part of the story borrows from a very standard trope in OCxSirius Black fanfics - that of the Black fanclub. I didn't want to give them too much importance, because looking back, it seemed a little unreal that so many girls would be this obsessed with one boy. I mean, it's been known to happen, of course, but I've toned it down anyway.
> 
> Have funnnn, hope I didn't forget any other crucial element or whatever.

New Year was a quiet affair for most everyone. By the time twelfth night had passed, Sirius Black had shocked both the Potters by reading a heavy book for much of the holidays. James Potter had shocked them equally for doing the same. Lily Evans returned to Hogwarts, looking cheerful and irritated at the same time: a consequence of sharing a home with her parents _and_ her sister. Sarah Freegood didn't smile when she saw June, but June _did –_ which was enough for anyone.

June still had concerns over her status in the dormitory. Lily had returned, and she knew that before the holidays, Lily had tried a new tactic to hunt out who Sirius' mystery reader might be. She had checked all the school owls that may or may not have been borrowed in the last few weeks. It was a lucky thing June wasn't using school owls at all – but she had nevertheless prepared for something new that Lily might throw at her. However, Lily seemed preoccupied with other things – from what June overheard, Severus Snape had tried to corner her again during the holidays.

"I swear, I think not bothering me for the first half of term was a tactic to have me calm down," she heard Lily telling Marlene and Mary. "After the relentless summer spent with him trying to get me to talk to him. Petunia and I have never really agreed on much, but on this even she was with me."

June slunk away, because it felt like it was going into a more personal territory. Anyway, she wanted to meet Sirius.

Sirius found June when she was in the common room, reading by herself. They didn't have any homework yet, so she had opted for a magazine. She wasn't going to take a chance with any of her normal books – and although she had spent a large part of Christmas poring over the notes written in the margins of Sirius' _Advanced Transfiguration,_ she didn't want to take a chance with that either. The bliss of being able to read was gone – Sirius was back, and she had to be careful once again.

He sat down next to her without a greeting. She rolled her eyes and flipped through the pages of her magazine.

"Unbelievable," he said. "Freegood gets a smile, and I get an eye roll?"

She coloured. "Shut up," she said. "Happy Christmas," she said after a pause.

"You too," he said. "What did you do all by yourself? Wept over the loss of my company?"

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Are you _five?"_ he asked.

"Heavy, coming from you."

"Very cheeky."

June grinned at him.

"I missed you too, Williams," he said.

Her heart thumped. She wished he wouldn't _say_ things like that. This was hard enough without him exacerbating things. Unable to respond adequately, she shook her head and turned back to her magazine.

"How was your Christmas?" she asked.

"It was good," he said. "I got my apparition licence!"

"You did?" she asked. "I forgot you turn seventeen this year itself. I didn't bother with the classes since I wasn't going to be able to get the licence."

"You didn't miss much," he informed her. "I can hardly remember them, apart from the three D's – a concept which is a lot less lewd than you'd imagine it to be."

June giggled. Things between them and the world had become a little softer. Even Sirius' fanclub, placated with many helpings of turkeys and mashed potatoes – did not bother anyone that evening. June glanced at a girl who had handed her the Dostoevsky, amiably chatting with her friends.

"I've never seen them leave you alone for this long," remarked June.

"It's always like this, after Christmas," said Sirius, taking out a book of his own.

June frowned. "What are you reading?" she asked.

Sirius looked up, blushing – _actually_ blushing! "Georgette Heyer," he admitted.

June had to school herself from not giving anything away. "But – that's the romantic writer?"

He nodded. "Peter lent it to me. He's a fan, apparently."

She really did have to stop herself from reacting.

"It's alright, you can laugh," said Sirius moodily.

"No, no!" said June, her mouth betraying laughter.

He glared at her. "You laugh now, but _she's_ going to love that I read even more," he huffed.

June's heart sunk. "Of course," she said, ignoring her heart.

"It's not for her, though," he confessed immediately, lest she believe he liked someone. "I liked the Heyer. Figured I could read some more. And the book the mystery reader gave me is a little heavy this time – I read a lot of it over Christmas, but I still have a third left. I wanted to wash it down with something light."

At once, June felt like laughing again. She rolled her eyes fondly. As soon as she was aware of what she was doing, she shut down again. "I'm going to bed," she said.

Sirius had already buried himself in the book he had. It was a good one, too. _These Old Shades._ June wondered if she could pull off telling him that there was a sequel to that thing. Despite it's problems, she liked _Devil's Cub_ more.

This wasn't something she could tell him at all, but it made a pleasant dream. It sometimes surprised her that she was able to be around Sirius Black, talk to him and everything – and _never_ about books. Around Sarah and Hagrid she was fully capable of talking about her opinions on _To Kill a Mockingbird_ just to make sure she didn't have to talk about herself. Even the few conversations Lily had snagged with her over the years had been about what she was reading. Without the convenient crutch of hiding behind her preferences in reading, she was surprised to find that she had… _more._

She found it hard to pinpoint what that _more_ was – but it certainly felt more tangible than it ever had before. She had been vaguely aware of the fact that she had a personality and depth and complexities – but she had pressed them into books and sheets and writing, never trying to explore them. And now, because Sirius Black was asking for her opinions in person – she had to _talk_ to him. She had to tell him what she thought of the Herbology essay, of why she liked ice-skating. She was a _person,_ not a Frankenstein's monster of all the books she had read.

It wasn't like they spent endless time together – they often had two or three evenings together in the library, and maybe lunch sometimes. They weren't more than reasonable friends, nowhere close to his friendship with his best friends. But it was… not unpleasant. No one was more surprised about this than her.

Unfortunately for her, there were others who had noticed this. The softness in the castle wasn't something that was meant to last, in any case. June was a little unused to being conscious of people… noticing her. In her own imagination, she was never the object of any sort of scrutiny. Which was why it came as a shock to her when she _became_ one. And within a week after the Christmas holidays were over, too.

Too many people – finally having cottoned on to the fact that she was somewhat _friends_ with Sirius Black had come to their senses. What was considered something that wasn't worth _much_ had suddenly become the object of jealousy for a number of the girls in the castle. Too many people had noticed his preoccupation with books, too many girls had regarded the fact that there was nothing really new in his life apart from the fact that he was spending time with this nobody from _nowhere._

June had _no_ experience with this. When her hair was turned blue one morning during breakfast, she thought it must have been a spell misfire. By the time the morning had become evening, she found herself with suspiciously large beaver teeth (for which she had to go to the Hospital Wing), her bag ripped in half, and what she was certain was a spell to grow her nails that she dodged with some presence of mind. Unfortunately for her, Marlene noticed her having ducked swiftly in the corridor. They'd both been leaving for their Care of Magical Creatures class – June had been walking ahead and had felt the hex come her way when she ducked.

Marlene grabbed June's hand and helped her up. "Oh, hi Marlene," said June breathlessly –

"Quiet," ordered Marlene. "Up ahead, isn't it?"

"Oh, _don't –"_

"I didn't ask for your opinion, sweetheart."

She dragged June with her, and came to what looked like two fifth year girls who had their wands out and were standing at the corridor's turning.

"Oi!" said Marlene at once. "You sending hexes at my friend?"

The two girls looked at each other. "None of your business," said one of them, pretending a kind of confidence. June flinched.

"I hope you know that I'll _make_ it your business, you scrawny little fifth years," said Marlene, with more menace than June had expected. "You have maybe half the good sense of a flobberworm and some of the skill of a hippogriff, and that gives you the audacity to be sending hexes in the middle of corridors?"

"Well it's not _fair!"_ said one of the girls. "How can she just waltz in here and become _something_ to Sirius? I've sent him a Valentine's card since my second year!"

"The tales of your desperation and stupidity do not interest me," said Marlene. "Now _off_ with you. And tell your friends to leave June _alone!"_

They didn't need much more warning. Both of them scampered down the corridor.

Marlene turned to June. "Little trollops. They really haven't changed. Not even their tactics or originality. I can't say I'm surprised, of course. They're threatened by any girl who so much as _speaks_ to him."

"You've – you've, um. Seen this before?" asked June.

"They made life _miserable_ when we were dating," said Marlene. "Had my bag turned into a toadstool once. And I'm _terrible_ at transfiguration, so I had to ask McGonagall's help."

June giggled. They began to walk together. June hesitated, but she didn't think there was any possibility of getting out of a walk with someone who had just saved her.

"You'll be careful, won't you?" asked Marlene. "They can be _vicious_ when they want to."

June nodded. "Could you – could you, erm – not – not _tell_ – that is, not – not _say_ anything?"

"To _whom?_ Your boyfriend?"

She blushed. "He's not my boyfriend."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Okay, June."

"He isn't," she insisted. "But anyway – could you… could you – avoid telling – _anyone?"_

Marlene sighed. "Alright. But you're going to have to be careful if you don't want people to know. I understand the impulse, of course. I didn't want anyone to know either. Except, perhaps, Sirius."

"Definitely not _him!"_ June said, suddenly articulate.

Marlene seemed exasperated again. "Alright, Williams. Your funeral."

June didn't want to test Marlene's theories about just how vicious Sirius' fanclub was, but she didn't have to. Over the next week, it seemed that their strategy was to make June miserable, to whatever extent they could. It was bizarre that people could come up with so many different and new ways to bully a person, thought June to herself. She didn't have the _instincts_ for this sort of thing anymore. Three years of invisibility has spoiled her – she no longer operated with as much suspicion as she used to.

It was a good thing Marlene had experience with this specific brand of bullying. She had a presence of mind better than June's – if she noticed it happening, she would confront the people involved and soundly tell them off. It kept people laying low for at least a few days. She was also the one to give June a bunch of different remedies and spells to what seemed to be a relatively unoriginal pool of ideas from Sirius' fanclub.

June was able to keep everyone else out of it. She didn't think Sirius had noticed. Sarah seemed suspicious when her hair had turned to algae, but June was able to hide most other incidents by performing the wide variety of counter charms Marlene had supplied.

And It wasn't just the fanclub that had noticed her relationship. Three weeks into January, when June climbed up to the dormitory, she found Lily hanging upside down from the foot of her bed, and Marlene and Mary sprawled on the floor. "June!" she said. "Come join us. Mary brought the _prettiest_ nail polish."

June hesitated.

"You _cannot_ be friends with Sirius Black and not be friends with us," Marlene informed her in no uncertain terms. "I will not _have_ it, Williams, I promise you that. I'll make your life a living hell."

She giggled. "Alright," she said. She sat down at the foot of Lily's bed. Mary sat opposite her, while Lily was sprawled upside down on her bed, her head hanging down from the side and near June. She grinned at June. "So!" she said excitedly. Her hair fell like waves below her.

"So…?" asked June.

Mary grabbed her fingers. "Perhaps a lighter shade for you," she murmured, wandering off. Marlene slid into her place instantly. Lily got up in the bed, and clambered down to the floor as well.

Marlene raised her eyes heavenward. "You really are _obvious,_ Lily."

"I am _not,"_ said Lily at once.

June hesitated again. "What -?"

"What's going on between you and Black, Williams?" asked Marlene directly. "Don't think we haven't noticed your airy little head bent alongside him, doing your homework."

"That's… that's _all,_ though," promised June.

"Really?" said Mary, sliding back into place, and grabbing her hand.

"Yes," swore June. "I wouldn't – you remember – you remember what he was like…"

She noticed Marlene and Lily exchange a look, while Mary studiously painted her nails.

"That was years ago," said Lily.

June shrugged. "I dunno. He's nice and everything now, but I dunno…"

"You're having fun cooking up a storm in your head over this, aren't you?" asked Marlene shrewdly.

June blushed. "Only a little."

"Invite us to dinner sometime," said Marlene. "I'd love a sampling of the nonsense going on in your head."

It was one of the reasons she didn't want to say anything to Sirius about all the bullying – she knew he was beginning to notice. He had looked perplexed a few times when something odd had happened to her around him – but hadn't said anything. She worried about what he would say, and she _really_ couldn't guarantee her reaction if he said something insensitive.

"It's not – it's not –"

"Marlene, you really are –"

"There!" said Mary. "You're done. Well, this is as good as it gets."

June stared at her nails. They were now a nice, periwinkle blue.

"All of you get too upset too easily," huffed Marlene.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Weren't you the one that started crying when Alice Fortescue told you off in front of everyone?"

"Crocodile tears, Lily dearest," sneered Marlene. "I wasn't actually that upset. I was just doing it to get off detention."

"I don't mind that you did that, but I _am_ offended that it worked," said Mary. "You were out kissing Abbot by evening. I don't know how you do that, Marlene – you were kissing Gudgeon at the breakfast table and Abbot by evening."

"Just because you haven't kissed _anyone,"_ said Marlene.

Mary didn't contradict her. This June found very confusing. She was very certain that even if you discounted the few dates Mary had been on during her fourth year, she had been seeing _someone_ in third year. June had no idea how they had snuck into the dormitories – and she was sure that the others hadn't noticed, but this was her speciality. She didn't want to pry into Mary's affairs, however, so she didn't say anything. Besides, Marlene was going off again:

"… Alice Fortescue has no business scolding me for kissing anyone on the breakfast table!"

"God alone knows why you were kissing Davey Gudgeon," said Mary, now painting her toenails. "He's an awful kisser."

"You told me that and I just _had_ to test it out, as you very well know, Macdonald," said Marlene.

June was beginning to feel unnecessary to the conversation.

"Anyway," said Marlene. "June would agree with me. Alice was wrong to tell me off for a kiss, isn't she?"

"Well…" said June. "I wouldn't – that is, I wouldn't want to be kissing anyone – erm. At the breakfast table."

"Oh, you're useless. I'll have each and every one of you kissing at the breakfast table by the end of the year, and tell all of you off. Even Alice."

"That wouldn't require much, though," said June absently.

"It wouldn't?" asked Lily.

"She's… she's seeing Frank Longbottom, isn't she?" June said. She was looking at her nails again, not at everyone else, or she would have spotted Lily's shock.

"She's _what?"_ demanded Marlene at once.

June looked up at her tone. "Frank… Longbottom? The Head Boy?"

"We know _that,"_ said Marlene waspishly. "She's dating him?"

"Um… I think so?" said June. "I mean – either that, or that time I saw them kissing in the bookshop in Hogsmeade was just a very… erm… enthusiastic agreement on the principles of divination."

A pause. "What were you doing in the bookshop?" asked Lily. Thank God June generally had her wits about her.

"I'd gone to have my copy of _Advanced Potion Making_ repaired. It's falling apart."

"No one cares about that," said Marlene.

"I do," offered Mary kindly. June smiled at her, but she wasn't entirely sure why.

"- I cannot believe Alice had the gall to tell me off when she's dating the head _boy._ She's the head girl! How gloriously unprofessional."

Marlene was grinning from ear to ear at this indiscretion on Alice's part. June wasn't sure what she had done exactly. She didn't _know_ it wasn't common knowledge that they weren't dating.

"I didn't know you didn't know," she said. "I thought you'd have noticed. I knew before I walked in on them snogging – his pupils are _always_ dilated around her."

"What?" asked Mary.

"Um – when you like something – your pupils… dilate."

Lily blinked. "Okay…"

"It's… it's a thing!' said June. "I promise. I noticed way back in fourth year, when Potter's pupils –"

She bit her lip, looking at Lily. Marlene toppled off in laughter, while Mary looked amused.

"Potter really is ruining my life," murmured Lily.

"Anyway," said June, having had enough of talking. "I'm going to go to bed?"

"Goodnight," said Lily, watching her get up. She crawled to her own bed. "I think I'll sleep as well."

"You don't get to brush, June," Mary said strictly. "Let that polish cool."

June sighed. She didn't brush her teeth that night, but she had no intention to sleep. It was late: eleven at night, and getting later. By the time she went back to the dormitory, Marlene and Lily were already in bed. Marlene was flipping through a magazine, while Lily wasn't even pretending to be industrious. She had fallen asleep already. Mary crawled into bed after June was already tucked in. She was reading the notes in the corner of the _Advanced Transfiguration_ again.

The lights flickered off one by one. June stayed awake, eventually turning her lamp off and pretending to sleep. When there was nothing more than the soft snore from Mary's bed left, she stood up. She hunted out a book from under her bed – nearly dropped something, and grabbed the book again.

She crept to the boy's dormitory. She never stayed long – only enough to see the boys sleeping, making sure no one saw her, and switching the books. She padded outside softly as soon as the transaction was completed. As always, instead of heading to her dormitory – she went downstairs first, to read the note.

Dear Reader,

It was a good thing you gave me this for over Christmas. It was… denser than the other things you've given me. Even the historical fictions. I don't know what to say about this one – I had so many thoughts. About history, about writing, about the stories we find from times gone by. It was a good book – I took my time with it, because it was clear that you did as well. I could see it in your thoughts.

Hope you had a good Christmas, and a better New Year. I'm… really enjoying all your taste. This one in particular had been pausing many times, to rethink everything I knew about history. I suppose we get so busy with Goblin wars and Troll battles that we forget that our history is far more entwined with the Muggles than we'd like to imagine. I would like to… one day, maybe – talk to you about what you think of how our stories have been written.

Best,

S

June hugged the book to her chest as she read the letter. She sighed when she was done. It _was_ a dense book – heavy in concept and idea, in thought and feeling. She was glad he had taken his time with it. With nothing else to contemplate but the unnatural speed of her heart and the mix of dread and excitement at the concept of meeting him – for _real_ , June decided to go to bed.

A few minutes after she was settled in her bed, Marlene tossed in her own bed and her eyes fluttered open. Nothing seemed amiss, however, so she turned over and tried to fall asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do review! I really doubt anyone on ao3 is reading this, but if you are, I'd love to know what you are thinking.


	14. Old Man Goriot by Honore de Balzac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am a bit tired and sleepy at the moment, who knows why. I still figured I'd put this up before I tried to rest.
> 
> Many thanks to my new beta, junieyes, who's amazing! :D 
> 
> Okay I am too exhausted to remember what I had to say exactly, but I wanted to point to the fact that this is another element from the old story. The dance that happens in The Three Broomsticks was something I was particularly proud of when I wrote it, mostly because I had circumvented the problem of having to recreate a Yule Ball and still held a dance! So here we go.

Of course the book had changed by morning. It was on his sidetable when he woke up. Sirius flipped through the new one. _French._ Well, a translation of a French book. She was really branching out, was she not? He ignored his heart, which was thrilled at the thought of another letter and pulled the telltale note out.

_Dear S,_

_I know_ The Source _is a lot heavier than what I usually send, but I really love it. For many of the same reasons that you liked it – it's got a lot to say about how we do our histories, about how we write the stories of our people. There was just something so incomprehensibly large about some of the moments in that book. When God is prayed to, when they start doing agriculture. Sometimes when I read – I feel this…_ giantness _in the stories we read. Something so big and inescapable that it takes over everything I'm thinking and feeling. It happened so many times when I was reading_ The Source, _I had to share it with you._

_This book isn't incomprehensibly large, though. It's kind of small in it's scale – detailed, it's a smaller story about a smaller person. Nothing giant gets resolved, as our relationship with God. It's a story about an unlikely friendship between a young student and an old man. I hope you like it._

_Best,_

_Reader_

"Oh, this is a good one," said Remus, approaching from behind. "I really like it."

"You do?" frowned Sirius. He flipped the book over to read the blurb.

"Of course. Balzac has written some really good stuff. I wish I knew enough French to read it in the original."

"I think she has a thing for the French," said Sirius dryly. "I should really think again about this whole thing. Can't have a girl who likes the French stuff this much. Even _Madame Bovary…"_

"She made you read _Madame Bovary?"_ asked Remus, returning to his bed and hunting for his shoes. "Merlin, she's a brave one to give you that."

"Shut up," said Sirius, but he was smiling. "Anyway. Oh –"

He stared at the book. There was a bit of blue on the cover. Something light – sky blue, or periwinkle.

He hoped it hadn't come from him. He didn't think she'd take kindly to having anything spilled on her books. But he checked all his belongings, and he had nothing which was periwinkle blue.

* * *

Several new developments occurred once January started petering to an end. Sarah became aware that June was becoming the target of a rather vicious set of groupies. Unfortunately, so did Sirius. The fanclub avoided doing anything to her while he was there, for fear of his ire – but she had seen him looking a little angry and glaring at her when her bag ripped for the third time or something.

Secondly – the interest in Sirius Black's correspondence and reading habits had died down. Even Lily, who had been trying to find the person very earnestly – had somewhat given up. "She's clearly decided to be a secret," June heard her confiding to Marlene and Mary. June was really impressed with herself – none of them _once_ thought of her – someone they'd spent six years sharing a room with? She had to commend her powers for invisibility.

Thirdly, the pretty barmaid in The Three Broomsticks had announced a dance. The tickets for this dance were inexpensive and affordable, and most people were excited at the prospect of a party that was not half as exclusive as Slughorn's dinners. Excitement began to build up for the February dance, since it was only about two weeks away.

June was roped into this whole thing by forces beyond her control: Sarah had demanded that she come. Lily had tried scolding her into it as well – but Sarah was more effective. "Do you _really_ not want to be there to see who Sirius is going to dance with?" she asked, while they sat in their usual spot in the library.

"I," said June, mustering up a shadow of dignity, "Could be least concerned –"

"Pack it off, Williams, I'm not your dorm mates," said Sarah, flipping through her essay. "I know you want to be there. You like fun things as much as any of us, and I'll protect you from unwanted social interaction."

June went pink. "I have nothing to wear," she said, handing Sarah the tape measure.

"Lucky thing is we don't need dress robes for this," sighed Sarah – she measured her roll of parchment. "Or even I wouldn't want to come."

"Well, what do we wear?"

"Muggle clothes would do, I would guess," said Sarah. She snapped the tape measure shut, and shuffled her papers. "Not a formal thing, is it? And dress robes are very formal. I think everyone is going to do dresses – from the girls."

"Well I have none of those either," said June, alarmed.

"Shouldn't be a problem," said Sarah. "Do you want to go shopping?"

"I don't have… erm – money, either."

Sarah gave her a long, hard look. "Alright. Borrow one of mine."

"Really?" asked June, brightening up.

"Yes," said Sarah.

"Don't we need dates as well?"

"This isn't a ball, Williams," she said. "We just need tickets. Tell me you have the galleons to spare!"

"I do, I do," said June hurriedly.

"We'll go together, unless someone asks us," said Sarah, putting her essay back in her bag. "We'll dance, drink butterbeer, and have some of the no doubt spiked punch."

"The punch will be spiked?"

"Why do you think there's a roaring trade in firewhisky currently? Some of it is being organised by your boyfriend, you know."

"He's not my boyfriend," said June, glaring. "But fine, I catch the drift. And no one is going to ask me, so you might be stuck with me."

Unfortunately, Lily was of the same (wrong) opinion that June had to come, date or not. James Potter had – to _everyone's_ surprise – not asked her. Unworried, she had been asked out by Tom Wilkes, and had said yes. He was a seventh year, not in Slytherin, of reasonable height, and reasonably dreamy eyes. Not much more was needed.

June also noticed another development as the dance came closer: Lily and her friends had just started demanding her company. Ambushed in the common room one day, June was listening to all three of them discuss what they were wearing.

"You don't have to think so much, Mary," said Marlene. "You have that silver necklace your mother gave, don't you? Wear that with the red dress you got over summer. You'll look good."

"And make up?" asked Mary, sitting at June's feet as June neatly did her hair into a plait.

"Something smoky, maybe," said Lily, bent over her homework.

"You have a date, Williams?" asked Marlene.

June was _not_ worried about being asked out at all, she didn't think anyone had even noticed her as a person long enough to ask her out. She shook her head. "I think Sarah and I are going together."

Marlene groaned. "Going with Sarah Freegood would be infinitely preferable to going with Jonathan Sterne."

"Then why are you doing it?" asked Mary.

"Because unlike _some_ people, I didn't get asked out by Terry Sims."

"Shut up, Marlene. Jonathan is cute," said Lily.

"And also _so_ stupid."

"There," said June, finishing Mary's plait. "Lily?"

Lily abandoned her homework and sat at June's knees. June deftly began to separate her hair. She had done a French braid for Mary, so she thought she might do a fishtail for Lily.

"And what are you wearing, June?" asked Lily.

"Sarah said I could borrow something from her."

"Freegood is a good influence on you," said Marlene.

Lily nodded a little too vigorously. "Here's hoping for a good evening, without being bothered by Severus!"

"Hear, hear!" said Marlene. June grinned at Lily in approval. And then, the _most_ bizarre thing happened:

James Potter hopped over the headrest and fell into the sofa next to June. "Good evening, Ladies."

"What do you want, Potter?" asked Lily.

"Actually, I was making good on your promise," he said somewhat formally.

"What promise?"

"I read the book. I wanted to ask you a few things."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Book?"

" _Pride and Prejudice."_

Lily's eyebrows, already halfway to her hairline, almost seemed lost in her hair by now. "You read it."

"Yes, and I have _many_ questions," said James. "Is this the only thing she wrote? How come Elizabeth doesn't realise Mr Darcy likes her? Why the _hell_ does Austen write it the way she does – like, why does it end –"

Before James could continue, the other three girls had a quick conversation with their eyebrows. "Okay!" said Mary, springing to her feet. "I have to go now, Lily."

"So do I," said Marlene, grabbing June by the arm and helping her up. "And so does June. We have to think of something for the dance, you know –"

"Hang on –"

"Have a good reading session!" said Mary, and all three of them turned their back on her. Their last vision was of Lily fuming at them.

As soon as they were out of earshot, all three of them started laughing.

"Oh my _god,"_ said Mary, gasping for breath.

"I cannot _believe_ James Potter's tactics have become actually good," said Marlene. "I figured he'd pine for another year."

"Why _Pride and Prejudice?"_ asked June. She was watching carefully – Mary and Marlene exchanged a quick look.

They weren't very subtle, thought June, with wry amusement.

* * *

It was a few days away from the dance, and she and Sarah had rummaged through all her things and picked out something pretty for June. It was a white dress, lacey and A-cut. She thought it suited her very well, so she had carried it back to her dorms, where Lily and the others had generously donated earrings and a necklace to go with. Marlene had thrown in a denim jacket, and promised June that she would look good.

Lily had tried insisting on wearing heels, but here was where June drew the line. She was as excited (by which she meant – a combination of dread and anticipation) as any other person for the dance, but she didn't think she had it in her to wear heels. She could manage in flats, she promised. Then Mary gave her a pair of sneakers which somewhat went with the whole thing – so June obliged. As long as it wasn't _heels._

She promised everyone to be early and get ready. Lily was being particularly strict about this sort of thing – she had very strongly reprimanded June, before June had broken any sort of promises. June got away from the dormitory only by giving many, _many_ excuses about her potions essay.

After she got away from everyone else, she made her way to the library. She knew Sirius would be there, and she hated herself for looking forward to it somewhat.

Before she could get to the library – and largely because she was in a good mood at having found something to wear – she was _again_ caught unawares.

 _"Fuck!"_ she swore, as the trip jinx hit her, and she toppled over. She counted till three, and the jelly legs jinx hit her.

"This again," she sighed. "Almost not worth it, going to do my homework… anything could be a violent attack."

"Williams?"

_Fuck._

"Um – I'm – erm – It's not what it looks like!"

Sirius approached her menacingly. He bent over her, and grimly performed the counter curse. "Really?" he asked. Then he looked up, and before June could stop him – crept forward, into the corner where two girls were still (idiotically) hiding.

"What's this?" he thundered, having finally encountered them.

June, still suffering from the after effects of the jelly-legs, tripped after him. "It's _nothing,"_ she promised, dragging him away by his elbow.

The two girls, slightly terrified, nodded.

Sirius looked angry enough to do something properly dangerous, so June gripped his arm.

She dragged him away with some effort, and he turned his glare to her. "Stop," she said. "They're stupid, but they're nothing special."

"I _know_ this has been happening a lot. You think I don't know their handiwork when I see it? _God,_ Williams, and you never do _anything –"_

June coloured, unable to meet his eyes.

"Williams, you really _are –"_

"That's enough, Black," said June, with more confidence than she was feeling. "We're going to the library, yes? I have a potions essay I want to work on. Things are hard enough without you making them harder, you know? I mean, I have to go for a _dance._ I know nothing about dancing."

He deflated, but only just. Perhaps it was the use of his surname, but he calmed down, and allowed himself to be lead. June was still holding his forearm, and instantly dropped it when she realised she was.

"What?" she asked. He was staring at her hand.

"Nail polish?" he asked, teasing.

June went red, immediately hiding her fingers. Whatever was left of the nail polish was already a chipped and messy remnant. "Mary – she – I don't – I mean, it was her –"

"It's pretty. Blue suits you. I feel like I've seen it before – it seems familiar."

She had no idea _where_ he could have encountered periwinkle blue nail polish, but she took his word for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love reviews as always!


	15. Dance in Society by Frances Rust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry I'm a day late, I had a massive submission today and my fantastic beta junieyes had given me some edits to work on. I didn't want to publish before I had a moment to work through them, so here I am - a little bit late, but I promise the next chapter will be up in time :D
> 
> Ah, the Hogwarts school dance. Back when I was fifteen, this trope was so all-pervasive I almost forgot that the Yule Ball doesn't happen every few years in Hogwarts just because. I really wanted to include it in this fic, because it was there in the last one as well - and we all know how I feel about indulging yourself with the tropes you love.
> 
> Oh, also, about the chapter titles/the books Sirius and June are reading. I know it can be a little confusing if I don't give descriptions of what is happening and it's a lesser known book, so I'm going to try weaving in the description as organically as possible. This particular book is actually something I was reading when I was writing a paper on dancing in Pride and Prejudice!
> 
> ANYWAY I hope you like the chapter let's GO

Mary had muttered under her breath as she removed the last of the nail polish from June’s fingers. The other three were getting ready together, and in the spirit of camaraderie, June had joined them. It wasn’t as if she was given much of an option. Marlene had told her, while holding a hairbrush that looked dangerously like a weapon: “It’s not much of a _choice,_ sweetheart. Now, hurry. People to see, things to do.”

June had resigned herself to this. She wished Sarah had had the good sense to call her to _her_ dorm to get dressed together. But things like this didn’t occur to Sarah any more than they did to June.

Therefore, with a few hours left to the dance, she found herself settled down on a chair in front of a mirror while Marlene painstakingly did her hair. “It’s all in the framing,” said Marlene. “I promise, you won’t feel uncomfortable in what you’re wearing by the time we’re through. And we won’t do much make up, either.”

“You promise?” asked June, unable to keep something like worry from her voice.

“I do,” said Marlene uncharacteristically. “Now, stay still.”

And June did. She watched Marlene carefully as she combed her hair neatly, did a few strategically placed thin plaits, and left the rest. She tried convincing June to put on a clip, but June firmly said no to that sort of thing. She also firmly said no to removing the small cross that was looped around her neck. She wasn’t particularly religious, but her cousin Margaret had given that to her, she argued passionately. Everyone decided that it was a battle best not fought, and instead focussed on her clothes. She wore her white dress – which flared from below her waist, had long, loose sleeves and a hem that reached her knees. She wore some silver necklaces that Lily had donated to the cause, and her sneakers.

Marlene looked lovely, as well – she wore black, while Lily had chosen a nice green blouse with jeans and wedges. Mary _had_ opted for her red dress. All of them looked decidedly Muggle.

“You look good,” said Marlene cheerfully. “Now put some of this lipstick, and we won’t even need to do any eye makeup.”

June took her word for it. She didn’t really want to attract attention – she just wanted to have a nice time. Lily told her that she would, even as the other three went to find their dates.

“Oi! Williams!”

Sarah ran up to her. She was wearing blue – a shade that didn’t clash dramatically with her carroty hair. “You look beautiful!” said June, surprised.

“No need to sound so shocked,” laughed Sarah. “You clean up well yourself. Coming?”

June accompanied her, and without any sense of foreboding, too. It should have been a sign.

The evening started out nicely enough. June knew as well as anyone else that she had only come because Sarah had been so nice about it. If it had been Lily insisting, she might not have come. Sarah seemed to understand just how to bring June to do the things she sort of wanted to, but would never muster up the courage to do. In equal parts scolding and teasing, June had come.

The Three Broomsticks had never looked this pretty – Rosmerta had decorated the back of it, with lights everywhere. Some sort of warming charm had been cast on the enclosure – despite being exposed to the elements, June was not cold at all. The trees were covered with fairy lights and decorative jars. On the tables, what was the definitely spiked punch, and a buffet. It didn’t have as much variety as Hogwarts would have – it was only chicken, rice, vegetables, fish, chips, and a few other fingerfoods. Some professors had been invited and stood in a small part of the enclosure – no doubt to make sure no funny business took place during the dance. Professor McGonagall had caused something of a sensation – being young as she was, she had dressed rather fetchingly in black, with her hair a little looser (although still pinned up, in something of a stylish updo).

“Here,” said Sarah, handing her a glass of punch, clearly watching Professor McGonagall.

“But you said it was spiked!” said June.

“It _definitely_ is,” she promised. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

She grinned at June wickedly. June, seized with something, sipped it. It really _did_ taste awful – but she swallowed some more.

“Good girl!”

June made a face. “You’re a terrible influence, I hope you know.”

“I depend on it,” said Sarah.

They spent some time giggling on the sidelines. Even when the band finally started up, they stuck together, and June gave Sarah far too much gossip. “You’re a fucking treasure,” said Sarah when June told her about Wendy Mockeridge and her best friend Laura being more than friends. “I love having an observant friend.”

“I’m observant?” asked June.

“You do know whatever you tell me isn’t common knowledge?”

June blinked. “You know, I had never really thought about it that way.”

Sarah snorted into her drink. June, also a little tipsy thanks to the punch, wandered off to get another glass. “Get a plate of chips,” ordered Sarah. “You ought not to be drinking on an empty stomach.”

June nodded obediently, and headed off. When she picked up a quarter plate of chips and two glasses of punch, she found Sirius Black.

“Whoa – _Williams?”_

She swayed precariously. “Hi, Sirius!” she said, with more excitement than she had ever expected herself to have.

He might have been laughing just a little. “You drunk?”

“Shh,” she said. “It’s a secret. Besides, it was only a little. Sarah said I ought to eat something.”

“Boy am I glad you have Freegood,” said Sirius. “Who did you come with?”

“Sarah,” she said. “I wouldn’t have come otherwise.”

“Not very big on change, are you?”

She shook her head. “I don’t like… other people. Particularly boys. I didn’t even like _you.”_

He didn’t seem to be laughing, even though she was finding everything enormously funny. “I know,” he said. “You like me now, don’t you?”

“Conditionally,” she said, swaying again. She bit into some chips. “I like you when you’re being friends with me and talking to me.”

He winked at her. “Be careful,” he advised her. “People see us talking, and some of the boys might actually ask you to dance.”

June coloured. “You’re cursing me, Sirius Black. I was so nervous about this whole thing, I even read a book on dancing.”

He guffawed. “So tell me,” he said, stealing a chip from her. “Which book did you read?”

“ _Dance in Society,”_ said June, batting his hand away before he stole another chip. “There’s so little on modern dancing I could either go for conduct books that taught me the quadrille, or this one that detailed a comprehensive history of dance in British society.”

Sirius’ laughter was almost offensive. “Williams, you’re a treat, you know? Did it tell you much about dancing?”

She glared. “For your information, I was inspired by _you._ Since you read so very much!”

He bowed humbly.

Agitated, June had the urge to toss the rest of her chips at him. “You’re…”

“Your lord and saviour?” he teased.

She swatted him with her free hand. “Get me more chips, since you’ve been stealing.”

He made a move to muss her hair, but she dodged him. He then headed off. She had another chip, and waited for him to return.

Sarah was charging towards June, trying to move people out of the way. “You’re taking your time,” she said.

“I met Black,” said June.

“Oh,” said Sarah, finally pausing to take some chips for herself.

“Freegood!” said Sirius when he returned. He handed June a fresh napkin with chips, which she promptly overturned on her quarter plate.

“Evening, Black. Where’s your date?” said Sarah neutrally.

“Ah – _fuck.”_

Sarah sniggered. “God knows how you got Anne Thomas to come with you when you treat her like this.”

Sirius gestured broadly at his body. Both girls rolled their eyes.

“I can see Freegood is picking up your habits, too, Williams,” he said. “You ladies have fun. I’m headed off to find my date.”

As soon as he disappeared, the _wildest_ thing of June’s life happened. A boy approached her for a _dance._ Curse Sirius Black.

It wasn’t even a horrible boy – it was the seventh year, Bertram Aubrey. “Would you like to join me for a dance?” he asked, in a formal, slightly pompous way.

June gave a panicked glance to Sarah, who only grinned and encouraged her. She sighed. It was a strange night, anyway. “Of course,” she said, absolutely horrified with herself. She joined the boy on the dance floor, despite having no idea what to do with her body.

It didn’t even stop there – by the time the song was over, Sarah had gone off with some boy and was dancing away. Then Billy Corner asked her, and June said yes. She had more chips, and more punch. Sarah returned, laughing. “You awkward thing. You looked cute on the dance floor. Although against that hulking Aubrey, I suppose you can only ever look good.”

June pushed her playfully.

“Come and dance with me,” said Sarah.

It was the best dance of the evening. She laughed so much, the song was lovely, and she wasn’t awkward around Sarah at the very least. Midway through the dance, there was a commotion as Bertram Aubrey seemed to have sprouted a head twice as large as he ought to have had. Everyone made space for Professor McGonagall to come through and stop the swelling. “He looks better with that, doesn’t he?” Sarah muttered to June. June stifled a giggle.

After that, the song came abruptly to an end. Sarah was asked to dance by some other boy, so June left her, having had enough for a while. She decided to go to Marlene and Mary, but was held by a pale hand.

“You – you came with Sarah Freegood, didn’t you?”

Dawn Forester was wearing a silver dress that went beautifully with her platinum blonde hair. She certainly looked lovely. June could only dream of ever looking this pretty.

“Yes -?”

Whatever she was about to say was certainly not good. She was sneering like she meant it.

Before she could say anything, however, Mary called for her. June turned abruptly – but even as she did, Dawn’s hand left her wrist – pushed away by a crowd of people walking to the dance floor.

June blinked, and decided it was better to head off. She joined Marlene and Mary at their table. Their dates had gone to bring them drinks.

“Having fun?” asked Marlene, a glint in her eye.

June elbowed her.

“I think Terry and you ought to get a room,” Marlene addressed Mary, her voice just a touch hard. “If this was Hogwarts, McGonagall would have pulled you by the ear.”

Mary blushed. “Don’t be crass, Marlene.”

“I’m not,” said Marlene.

Lily swung by their table – to their surprise, with James Potter.

“You have to understand, Potter, that she’s coming from a time when there’s little to _no_ physical contact,” she argued. “Hi girls,” she added. “So dancing is like – is like –”

“Ecklectricity, I know,” said Potter knowledgeably.

Lily burst into laughter.

“Where’s Tom, Lily dearest?” asked Marlene, with another, sharper glint in her eye.

“I don’t know,” said Lily, without a trace of shame.

“I bet it’s because Evans is such a terrible dancer.”

“I am _not,”_ said Lily, horrified.

“I’m definitely better than you,” said James.

“You aren’t! Tell him he’s not, Mary.”

But Mary had headed off with Terry. Marlene was right, noted June. They ought to find some privacy. Lily, meanwhile, looked to Marlene.

“I’m not getting into your lover’s quarrel,” said Marlene, taking a swig from her drink.

“I’ll have you know, I’ve been dancing since I was six,” said Lily.

“Well, I’ve had _lessons_ since five.”

“You know _what,_ Potter – come, we’re dancing.”

They went off, still arguing. Marlene and June looked at each other, and instantly burst into laughter. “ _That_ girl is supposed to be the brightest witch in our year,” said Marlene.

“And James Potter played her like a fiddle,” finished June. “Ah – Marlene, Snape is staring again.”

Marlene glanced at the boy in question. June had never seen him look as bitter as he was in that moment. She shuddered.

“Probably because Lily is spending time with James,” muttered Marlene. “Try not to pay attention to him.”

In that much time, Marlene’s date found her again. They joined everyone else on the dance floor. That was when the thing that she should have been careful of happened: Sirius approached her.

“Come and dance,” he said.

June smiled shyly. “I’ll be awkward,” she confided.

He laughed. “S’alright, Williams. Only me.”

She nodded. “This is the first time I’ve ever danced, you know?” she added in a whisper, as they headed to the dance floor. She knew he was keeping himself from laughing, but she allowed it because it was him. The song was a slow one, so she was momentarily flummoxed, until he guided her hands. She felt –

 _Ah_ , she thought to herself. _Ecklectricity._

His hand was on her waist. Everything was chaste, of course, but –

She really _had_ found herself in a predicament, hadn’t she? It wasn’t something she had so far admitted to anyone, not even to herself. Mostly because it was a bad idea, a stupid consequence of stupid actions. She didn’t need half a brain to know that this was possibly the stupidest thing she had done so far. It was one thing for her to be writing letters to him in secret, quite another to have real life – _feelings_ with him.

They didn’t say anything during the dance, and she just _knew_ all of the electricity was only from her side. She almost couldn’t wait for the song to be over.

As soon as it was, she stepped away from him. “You won’t dance another?” he teased.

She shook her head. “I’d better go eat something,” she said, with an artificial smile.

He looked half ready to escort her to the buffet, when Anne Thomas made a very timely reappearance. She had never felt angrier and more relieved by her presence.

That was the thing she ought to have been worried about: _everyone_ had seen her dancing with Sirius, and some people had made the connection with her – the girl he spent his time with, doing homework – and her, the girl he was dancing with. She really _ought_ to have known.

She was eating with Lily and James – humouring what seemed to have been an argument on whether dancing was feminist – when it happened. Her mouth went dry, and her stomach did a back flip. She felt an overwhelming nausea, and gripped Lily’s hand. “What’s up?” asked Lily, turning to her.

“I don’t feel good,” said June. Her palms felt sweaty, too. The world spun.

“Is something not agreeing with you?” asked Lily, alarmed.

James was looking extremely concerned, too, and June _really_ didn’t want to make a scene. She had already spotted Sirius looking suspiciously worried – and she didn’t want to bait him into saying something he might regret.

“Lily, can you take me to the bathroom?” she gasped, barely able to force the words out of her.

Lily clutched her hand and hurried her to the bathroom. June was vaguely aware of her surroundings when she entered the stall and seemed to have thrown up what felt like her weight. After that, everything went sideways. She was sweating badly when she emerged, to find all of her dorm mates, Sarah, and Sirius surrounding her. She bent forward even as she came out, and everyone seemed a little too _tall._ She brought her knees together and sat on the floor.

“She didn’t have enough alcohol to throw up,” Sarah said, for some reason addressing herself to everyone but June. She bent next to June, patting her on the back.

Her head was still spinning somewhat. “Well, unless what came out was _supposed_ to be blue, it wasn’t the alcohol,” said June tiredly. “I think one of those – Zonko’s treats, I think?”

She really ought to have known. There had been a suspicious looking girl near her when she had been getting her food. Zonko’s treats were far too easily disguisable, and she had a strong feeling that the person had misdiagnosed the amount needed to have her keeling over. They’d definitely given too much for someone her size.

Sirius instantly crouched as well. “Do you know who came near your food?” He demanded.

He looked properly angry. She didn’t fancy the chances of his fanclub, of which some were hiding behind the door to the bathroom, watching anxiously. She’d have warned them if they hadn’t just effectively poisoned her.

“You’re crowding her,” said Sarah, her eyes flashing. “Back up!”

“So are you!” said Sirius, equally angry. He jumped to his feet. “June – tell her to –”

“Both of you shut up,” said June, dazed.

She just knew he was going to say something that she wasn’t going to like. There was a reason why she avoided this conversation with him for so long – it was going to upset a very delicate balance between them. And acknowledging it was going to take something out of her.

“Give her some space, Black,” said Marlene quietly.

“Yeah – this isn’t the _time –”_ began Sarah.

“Bollocks,” swore Sirius. “You can’t let people _walk_ over you, Williams.”

He’d said it. That thing she had been expecting him to say, but had prayed he really wouldn’t. What was his _problem?_ Why couldn’t he be quiet and not be annoying and let her do her thing in peace, without bringing up all of her bad memories from years one to three of Hogwarts?

“That’s _rich,_ coming from you,” replied June, looking up at him. She still felt oddly dizzy and vaguely nauseous, but she would not stand for this sort of thing. “Back off _,_ Sirius, before _I_ lose my temper.”

If anything, this made him angrier. June _really_ didn’t appreciate anger, especially not from boys like Sirius Black.

“Save it for someone who deserves it, Williams,” he stormed. “You are such a coward –”

June went white. She felt numb, and distinctly aware that her wand was stowed away in the pocket of her dress. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to reach it, no matter how angry she was.

That was when Sarah stood up. “Be _quiet,”_ she ordered. “Now, we’re going to take June to her dorm, and you aren’t allowed to have any objections to it.”

“Fine,” he said. “You protect her.”

“No _one_ ,” June emphasised, “asked for your protection.”

Sirius Black could jump off the tallest tower for all she cared.

She stood up, glaring. Before he could say anything, she swanned off, as gracefully as possible for someone who had puked her guts out. As soon as she stepped outside, the swarm of girls congregated at the bathroom dispersed quickly. June ignored them and went to pick up her jacket.

Sarah opened her mouth briefly as June headed to their cloaks and jackets.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” June mumbled.

“I wasn’t asking,” said Sarah.

“Let’s go,” sighed June. She grabbed her jacket, her dignity, and her anger. “Come on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing that happened with Aubrey is actually a callback to something that did originally happen in canon! In the sixth book, when Harry is serving detention for Snape, he's copying large Hogwarts records of wrongdoing in the castle. There was a reference to James and Sirius casting a spell that made Aubrey's head swell twice his size, and I just had to include it.
> 
> As always, I love reviews :D


	16. Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I REALLY enjoyed writing this chapter, since it again has so many elements from the original. Also - one thing I wanted to mention was that in the original June was a very observant person. This was something I did want to carry forward, along with her chronic shyness and fear of moving outside of her comfort zone. That's why you see it here and there.
> 
> Anyway, hope everyone's having a wonderful day and that you enjoy this chapter :D

A few things happened in the immediate aftermath of the dance: first, Sirius' fanclub – something that had been annoying him for _far_ too long – finally simmered down. A combination of his anger, some of his hexing, and his glaring had clued the girls in to the fact that their strategy had not been well received. Second, McGonagall gave him detention for what he did to Aubrey. No amount of wheedling around the technicality of having swollen his head outside of Hogwarts grounds would convince her of his innocence.

Third, Williams was too angry to speak to him. This he didn't understand in the slightest, and he was too proud to ask her why. She turned away from him the moment she saw him, and any belligerent "I did nothing wrong!"s fell on deaf ears. At one point, so angry she had turned white, she shoved a book in his hands and said icily, "Since you like reading so much." It was a children's book, which was insulting – and about a boy who seemed to be enjoying destroying things in his vicinity.

Sirius, furious with this trick, didn't feel like bothering more after that. And he _certainly_ was not going to give _Where The Wild Things Are_ more of his time than necessary. Weirdly, Lily and the rest weren't on his side of this. As her friends, he had expected them to agree to the fact that she needed an _ounce_ of spunk more.

"You're really not seeing it from her perspective," said Remus, slamming a thick book on top of an ever growing pile of thick books. He carried that to his table in the library, and opened the one on top. "You need to ask _her_ why she's so angry – not explain why _you're_ not wrong."

"Well, I'm too angry myself," grumbled Sirius. Remus looked cross.

James hadn't been able to contribute to any of this, since he was floating on the cloud of Evans' approval. He hadn't seen them do much after the dance, but she clearly had a more favourable opinion of him since she had given him a copy of _Jane Eyre._ Sirius was still getting through _Old Man Goriot,_ but he was eyeing Evans' copy of _Jane Eyre._ Seemed to be the sort of thing his reader might like.

But then he found James discussing the finer points of Mr Rochester's house and he found himself sickened by their flirting. They were seated in the common room, with Marlene on the carpet, peeling through a newspaper. Mary seemed least concerned with any conversation, busy as she was with her essay. Sirius wasn't even sure if Lily's friends had found himself and James first, or if James had found Lily's friends and gravitated there, taking Sirius with him. Lily and James were on the sofa, oblivious to everyone else.

"You _can't_ think that's reasonable of him, though –" Lily was saying animatedly, just as James said, "But he was just trying to find out if she liked him – I mean, _I've_ done worse."

"You're _nothing_ like Rochester, Potter," said Lily.

"I mean – I've _tried_ to find out if a girl likes me in weird ways –"

"This isn't _weird,_ this is manipulative. You're not manipulative, Potter. You're a right arrogant clodpole, sure –"

"Girls, _please,"_ said Marlene with a sigh. She turned a page of her paper. "You're both pretty."

Sirius looked away. It wasn't that he hated Jane Eyre – he would just like to talk about it, too. Not to Evans, of course – but to whoever his reader was. He had never asked her for more, but something was prickling uncomfortably in his chest since his fight with June. He hadn't been able to finish reading _Goriot._

Obviously, that was when she chose to enter. Her eyes swept across the common room and rested on the corner where Sirius was sitting with James – and _her_ dorm mates had encroached on their territory. Nose in the air, she walked off.

Mary glanced at Marlene. Sirius caught the glance, slumping in the sofa. "Agrippa, I don't know what her problem is."

Marlene stared at him, long and hard. "You… don't?"

Lily and James had stopped arguing to look at him as well.

"Look, I'm not going to apologise for saying what I think," said Sirius, jutting his chin out. "She's shy – and that's nice and everything, but if someone is bullying you, you should _say_ something, right?"

"And you don't know… why she might have been so shy?" asked Mary, treading with caution.

" _No!"_ declared Sirius. "I haven't the slightest why she's so upset."

Marlene scrutinised him further. "Put simply, Black – she isn't someone who's had the best experiences with bullies."

"That's not much of an excuse," he snarled. "It's been going on for weeks. Why didn't she put a stop to it?"

Lily, Marlene and Mary shared A Look. As soon as James saw it, he swallowed. There was some sort of agreement between them in that moment, and it was very clear very fast that someone had to take the lead. Lily leaned forward, took a deep breath, and James made a silent prayer. Then:

"You were horrible to her growing up, Sirius," she said in gentle voice.

"What?" he said, stunned. "No, I wasn't."

"I'd argue you were the worse of the rest," said Marlene shrewdly. "You really don't remember?"

"Remember _what?"_ his eyes were flashing.

"Do you remember that notice you put out in third year, with a list of girls who shouldn't be wearing skirts?" Mary said.

"Oh," he said. "She was on it? But she wasn't the only one –"

"You called her 'that blonde girl that rooms with Evans and McKinnon, it does her no favours because Evans is much prettier,'" supplied Mary.

Sirius looked vaguely ill.

"You burned her notebooks in second year. She was just in the way," added Lily.

He could feel the blood leaving his body. He felt frozen and thunderstruck. And he _knew_ just how important her notebooks and books were.

"Do you really not remember?" asked Marlene. She didn't seem to be holding back at all. "You were awful to her, Black. She came back crying on five separate occasions during third year."

"Oh, _god,"_ he groaned. " _Fuck."_

There was an uncomfortable pause as this information settled.

"She can't think I would still do those things, do you? I mean – I must have been thirteen!"

"Look – you weren't alone," said Mary, with as much kindness as possible. "She had a fair share of people who were hurtful simply _because._ Marlene and I got away because we were friends with Lily, and since you boys were the biggest bullies in the school…"

"We weren't _bullies,"_ began James. "We were sometimes –"

"James, you levicorpused _anyone_ Slytherin in your vicinity," said Lily, her mouth a hard line.

"I – well –" he massaged the back of his neck with a hand.

"And don't you _dare_ claim you didn't do anything to people who didn't deserve it," continued Lily. "June's one example, but I know you did something horrible to Sarah Freegood's hair, comparing it to mine. She cried for a day in the girl's bathroom in second year."

He was looking increasingly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't apologise to me," said Lily in a business-like tone. "But it's good to know you are. Sorry, that is."

Sirius, meanwhile, was having something like an existential crisis. He stood up and paced around the coffee table. "So when she said 'that's rich, coming from you,'" he began, turning to Mary.

She nodded, but only just. "Look – she – she likes you _now,"_ she said. "She does, she really does. I've never seen her so cheerful."

"And Williams isn't known for cheer," Marlene said in reluctant support.

"God – that's – that's not enough. I'm going to go find her."

"She's in the dorm," said Lily.

"Can you get her? Please?" he said, this time addressing Marlene.

"Why me?" said Marlene, hackles instantly raised.

"She listens to you," said Sirius. "I know she does. More than Evans. Or Freegood, for that matter."

"It's honestly offensive – but he's not wrong," sighed Lily.

Marlene got up. "I'm only doing this because Mary is pleading most earnestly on your behalf behind your back," she said. "Personally I think June ought to have castrated you the minute you tried to be friends with her, but that's all for nought."

"I love you!" he called after her as she stalked off.

There was a silence. Sirius began pacing dizzily around the coffee table again.

"Lily?" said James.

"Mm?" hummed Lily, through a curtain of her hair.

"I really am. Sorry, I mean."

Lily sighed. "I know. But I can't very well forgive you for something that never hurt me. Go apologise to Sarah."

"You won't make me apologise to Snape?"

"I think apologising to Severus would just put you in harm's way," she said candidly. "But you may try."

A few more moments paced in silence. Sirius didn't seem anywhere close to calm. "Settle _down,_ Black, you're making me nauseous!" Mary ordered.

He made a face at her, but sat down. As soon as he landed on the sofa, June appeared from the stairs.

He immediately jumped to his feet.

She glared at him as she approached them. "I only came because Marlene said she might kill you if you kept annoying them. She made a very persuasive case for how it would be on my head should she end up in Azkaban. I don't want Marlene to end up in Azkaban."

"Thatta girl," said Marlene, floating past them.

Sirius shook his hair with his hand. "Look – I – can we take a walk?"

She seemed unwilling, but from behind Sirius, Mary's face pleaded. "Fine," she said.

They were watched by the others as they took to the portrait hole. Mary sighed happily.

"You are _such_ a romantic," said Marlene. She seemed displeased by the thought, but melted when Mary sent her a flying kiss.

* * *

June didn't say anything as they walked. Sirius was unable to pierce the silence. Five minutes passed. Ten. Fifteen.

"Where are we going?" she asked, finally.

"The bridge?" he said, perking up at the sound of her voice.

She nodded, her lips thin. He instantly deflated.

The rest of the way went with no speaking whatsoever. Sirius didn't know how to broach the issue at hand, and she wasn't giving any entry points. Once they reached the bridge, she leaned against the railing and looked out at the grounds.

"Williams?" he said.

No sound.

"I'm really sorry."

Half a chuckle of a sound.

"I – I mean it. I'm sorry I was so hard on you, I didn't – I didn't realise –"

"What?" she snapped, turning to him. The last of the sunlight flashed in her eyes. They glowed hazel-yellow.

"I didn't realise I was such a terrible person to you," he said. "Your dorm mates told me – the things I did to you. I didn't – I was thirteen, and _very_ stupid – I know – I know that's not an excuse –"

She continued to stare at him. Somehow, without the hair and everything she hid behind, it was hard to look at her eyes.

"I didn't… remember, which is worse. I have nothing to offer in my defence. Only that I am sorry, and I won't insist anymore."

It was still winter, so they were overlooking the sun setting over a cold Hogwarts. The insects weren't back yet, so there was really nothing but silence.

"Alright," she said.

He stared at her. "Alright?"

"Alright," she repeated.

She turned away, but he couldn't quite stop staring. The sunset washed over them, like a bath. Everything looked golden.

She became conscious, and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"What?" she asked.

"Um," he swallowed. "You – your eyes."

"Is there something in them?" she asked, her fingers near her eyebrows. Her lashes were gold.

"You – you look pretty," he said.

She blushed, turned away. Her eyes were gone, he knew instantly. She had hidden them behind her hair again – she wasn't looking at him _properly_ – she was back to her half glances, half watching.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he asked.

She laughed sarcastically. It came from somewhere in her hair again. "I don't know if Mary told you –"

"I know what she said. I know what I said," he said, his voice hard. "You look b- pretty, Williams."

He felt her roll her eyes from behind the hair. The sun dipped closer to the horizon, the gold fading fast.

He gripped her wrist.

"I mean it," he said.

He was forcing her to look at him, he knew. She matched his eyes – even as the sun melted, and the yellow seemed to be a lot lesser. But he knew her eyes were hazel-yellow now. There was no hiding _that._

"Okay," she said quietly.

She was a little close, he realised. He dropped her hand.

She turned away from him. "Um," she said. "We should –"

"Yeah, you're right," he murmured, looking away as well.

There was something strange that happened between them, he realised later. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but it felt like something unsaid had been in the air. It had been heard by the sunlight and no one else. For everyday after, it felt like the world gossiped about them during sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things that happened in the original was that the first time Sirius looks at June's eyes, he's a bit arrested. The inner fifteen year old in me really wanted to do that again, so I think I have copied the emotional beats of that moment almost exactly.
> 
> The second thing that borrows from the original story beats is Sirius being a bit of a bully. I figured I could do that with him being thirteen instead in this version, and I have left a few hints about it here and there in the rest of the story.
> 
> As always, love reviews!


	17. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER break chapter. This one is actually something I loved writing, because SARAH. And yes, you guessed right - this one is going to be a Sarah Centric Chapter. Hope everyone is ready!

"Come on, Williams, you know it wasn't fair."

"I think it was very fair," said June, reading her book. He was sitting opposite her, and she wasn't even bothering looking at him. "You were behaving like you were twelve."

"That book was for five-year-olds!" he said, reaching across and putting a hand on her page.

Her eyes flicked up to him. He met her gaze. Grey to brown.

"That just means I have less faith in your reading comprehension," she said loftily.

"You _little –"_

He'd snatched the book out of her hand, and put it to the side. "There," said June. "Now you're behaving like you're five. My case rests."

He narrowed his eyes. "You really are having fun, aren't you?"

"Only a little," she admitted.

He leaned back in his own chair.

June let out half a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Things had settled down. Lily and her friends seemed to have completely forgotten about doing anything about Sirius' mystery reader. Stuff between herself and Sirius was… strange. His letter about _Old Man Goriot_ was oddly stuttered – over thought, over considered. And hardly very eloquent, _or_ long. Some of it rambled on about friendships (since she _had_ introduced it as a book about a strange friendship between a young student and an old man), weird or otherwise – at one point, he had even said, ' _I'm not clear always on how one is friends with girls. Do you think it starts becoming weirder as time progresses?'_

She didn't know why – but his interactions with the more real her were strange, as well. They weren't over thought, but at times she found him frowning at her, thinking of something she didn't have access to. She also found something _strange_ had happened to _her._ She could look at him.

She didn't have that much of a problem with eye contact, but she always shied from it. After that evening at the bridge, however, she found him demanding her gaze for a lot longer. And he was always… drinking it in, in a weird sort of way. Lily seemed to have noticed, too – she smiled to herself when she saw them talking.

Thankfully, she kept whatever she was thinking to herself. Besides, Lily had bigger things to worry about. All of the school was gossiping about it: James Potter and Lily Evans were seen together in a non-professional and non-angry capacity.

No one was entirely sure how it had happened, but Mary filled June in. Apparently, the rumours of Sirius being besotted by someone exchanging books with him were true, and James had taken a leaf out of this unknown person's book as well (June did her best to look _surprised)._ Lily swore that it was really nothing – apparently James had come to her to talk about some of the things he had been thinking of in _Pride and Prejudice_ and made good on his promise to read it. June wasn't surprised in the least – but then, nothing really surprised June when it came to this sort of thing.

"I swear, he's not being weird," said Lily as they walked to class together. "He's just asking a lot of questions about Muggle life."

"Mhm," said June, chewing the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling. She could feel Severus Snape's eyes on them, but for Lily's sake, she was studiously ignoring him. Spending time with Lily seemed to just _mean_ putting up with this sort of thing. She'd noticed Marlene and Mary didn't even blink when Snape was watching any of them.

"Oh, _shut_ up," said Lily, tossing her hair behind her. "Not like you have much to say. You still meeting Sirius this evening?"

"That's _different!"_ said June, indignant. "We're doing homework!"

"And James and I are doing a bookclub," said Lily.

June could swear she was blushing, but Lily would deny it. It was interesting to see them interact: Lily herself was frequently surprised that he didn't seem to get her angry and upset – but they would argue or debate _constantly_. James was being a perfect gentleman in all this, she was almost impressed. Marlene and Mary raised their eyebrows and said nothing, having known for a long time that Lily harboured a soft spot for the boy in question. June had also always known, but she'd known for longer than them.

To nobody's surprise, James Potter and Sirius were put in detention for making all the suits of armour chocolate on the sixth floor. June couldn't help feeling exasperated but amused – this sort of thing was _actually_ funny. They hadn't done anything cruel in sometime anyway, so she didn't have much to worry about – but she sometimes worried, even now. She had a feeling Lily did, as well – and strongly pretended not to.

Neither party had to fret, however. Sarah had reported, horrified, that James Potter had _apologised_ to her.

"The _audacity,"_ she said, in shock. "That boy! Just because he wants to impress Evans!"

"Mhm," said June, who had heard this for the third time that week. They were heading back from Care of Magical Creatures, and she was distracted by some owls flying to the owlery.

"You aren't listening."

"No, this is the fifth time you're complaining," said June, exaggerating for good measure. She watched a black owl with a mouse in its mouth disappear.

"You know it's not that many."

"It _feels_ like the fifth time."

Sarah shoved her. June shook her head, dazed.

"You and your boyfriend doing okay?" asked Sarah after a moment. She looked around and cleared a small patch of stones under the beech tree.

"He's not my boyfriend," said June automatically. She crossed her legs and settled on the grass. "But yes, we are. Things are… better. I'm not good… with boys." This Sarah snorted at, but didn't comment on. She sat down, leaning against the tree trunk.

The sun was still out, and since it was getting a lot warmer – it was nice to sit outside. Besides, they were both wearing warm winter robes. June opened her mouth and shut it again.

"What?" asked Sarah.

She blanched. There was that prickling in her chest again, so she simply said, "I'm glad you're here."

Sarah threw her head back, her eyes closed. "I'm glad Sirius Black misplaced his book and I became friends with you."

June hesitated once more. Sarah opened one eye.

"Spit it out, Williams."

It was said with no preamble. June didn't think she had it in her to _spit it out,_ so she tried to approach the problem slowly:

"Why are you friends with me, Sarah?"

"If you're fishing for compliments –"

"No," said June. "I mean it. I'm your observant friend, aren't I? I have observed you as well, you know. You aren't someone who is completely unsociable, like me. You weren't invisible, people know you. You had friends, too – for some time. By the sixth year, people usually have firm friends, and don't have time to waste to help idiots who misplace their books."

The loud ringing of the bell sounded across the castle. Some of the ravens that hid in the clock tower flew out, sweeping across the sky.

"It's a fair question," said Sarah. "Been gathering up the courage to ask, haven't you?"

June shrugged.

Sarah swore a little under her breath. For someone so direct, she was really nervous about this. It made June nervous. "You have to promise not to be weird."

She nodded. It was an admission of vulnerability that she had not expected from Sarah.

She took a breath. "You're right, I had friends. I even spent some summers with the Foresters – I was really good friends with Dawn Forester. Even her sister – idiot though she was."

June waited.

"Dawn and I fell out. You think you're bad with boys? I have never cared about them enough to find out whether I'm good or bad. I'm not interested in them. I'm more interested in women, and people like Dawn don't take kindly to that sort of thing. She had it in her head that I was interested in _her,_ despite the fact that I wouldn't snog her if someone paid me." All of this was said quickly, with absolutely no emotional turmoil whatsoever – but June could tell that it was something of a test. If June didn't react correctly, Sarah would be gone.

She paused for a second and began again. "So here I am. I had time to spare for idiots who misplaced their books, without any other very good friends. Friends with you because of a ridiculous series of circumstances and Sirius Black, apparently."

A set of ravens swept the sky a second time. June swallowed. "What's wrong with Dawn Forester?"

"Ego the size of a mile, those stupid shoes she can't – wait, what are you asking?"

"Why not Dawn Forester?" asked June. "She's… fit?"

Sarah stared. "…fit."

"That's how Lily and the rest talk about boys," said June, rolling her eyes. "I don't really understand it, either."

"You have to be out of your mind to find Dawn fit, June," said Sarah.

"No, I'm not!" said June, earnestly. "I'm not just saying that or anything! She's got nice blonde hair and everything. And a nice laugh."

"I am _not_ going to sit here and consider Dawn Forester as an option," said Sarah, brokering no argument. "I taught her how to snog. I _know_ she uses far too much of her tongue."

"I think you're limiting yourself," sniffed June. "You ought to consider her. Otherwise you'd end up like David Abbot. He's seeing Jill Goldstein, and you _cannot_ tell me you'd prefer her."

"What's wrong with Jill?"

"She's so mean!"

" _I'm_ mean."

"No, you just don't take nonsense."

"God alone knows why I put up with you, in that case."

"I take it back. You _are_ mean."

Sarah laughed. Loudly, guffawing. Almost too loudly. June smiled at her laughing, and seriously considered pinching her out of it if she didn't stop.

"I refuse to talk to you about who is or isn't attractive when you have such terrible taste."

"Just because I said I didn't like Jill Goldstein –"

"Not _her,"_ laughed Sarah. "But I'm glad you went there."

"Then who?" asked June with a huff.

Sarah stopped laughing, even though she was clearly amused. "You really are blind, aren't you? What of Black?"

"What of Black?"

It was said a little _too_ quickly. Sarah noticed. "Even if it isn't _you_ that's the problem, you ought to be careful. It's getting a bit strange."

June bit her lip. She had been so many times on the brink of just _telling_ Sarah just what she was feeling. She always stopped herself.

"It's… it's not."

"It is. You have to be blind not to notice, June," said Sarah, in a there's-no-two-ways-to-look-at-this tone. "I know you're almost blind, but you _really_ have to be blind, you know? He's always – always reading those notes, always studying your handwriting. Merlin alone knows how you've managed to get away with everything so far."

"I… you're… not wrong."

"You can't contradict me – hang on a tick. What did you say?"

"You're not wrong," repeated June.

There was a long silence.

"And you're _aware_ of what I'm talking about?" asked Sarah sceptically.

"I'm not _blind,"_ said June. "I _may_ be stupid, but no. I can _see_ what you're talking about."

Sarah surveyed her. "You – you can see what I'm talking about."

"Yes," said June. "But you know – his notes have been getting a lot shorter. Look at this one about _The Hobbit."_

She fished out a note and gave it to Sarah, who looked even more surprised if it was possible. June knew what it said, of course but she scanned it quickly anyway:

Dear Reader,

I know we avoid talking about our personal lives, but I really needed this book at the moment. The number of dragons was pleasing, even if it was nonsensical that they spoke in riddles. I like the concept of being a dwarf. I think I would be good at it. And I'd get to have an axe. I needed some of the distraction.

Thank you… for giving me some of you. It's a strange time right now, I'm a little confused in my head about some things. I hope your next book will be just as good for me.

Yours,

S

She didn't tell Sarah she had stared at the "Yours" for far too long. She didn't tell Sarah anything, she just waited for Sarah to… react.

Sarah's eyes went from left to right on the note. Instead of reacting, she put it away, took a breath, and stared at June.

June, uncomfortable with the look, tried to turn away. Sarah continued, even coming closer – as if trying to _sense_ something. When Sarah was about two inches away from her cheek, June snapped, "Wha _t?"_

"You like him."

The world cracked open, finally listening to June's demands, and swallowed her whole.

It didn't, but June really _felt_ like it had. It felt like the most horrible truth had been revealed, the worst of the story, the forest was burning – that sort of thing.

"Do _not!"_ cried Sarah, falling back. "Do _not_ deny it, June Williams. Fess up. Fess _up!"_

"Okay, _fine,"_ wailed June. "I do – I hate it, but I do, and it's terrible, and I would willingly rip my heart to shreds if I could."

"Oh my _god._ You – you fucking – _moron –"_

"I _know."_

"You absolute –"

"Incomparable –"

"Bizarre –"

"Idiot!" they both finished together.

And then, inexplicably, Sarah started laughing.

June stared at her for a few seconds, but she did not relent. Before she knew it, she was laughing as well. They went to pieces under the beech tree, clutching each other as they _kept_ laughing.

"Oh _god,_ Williams – you really are a magnet for trouble, aren't you?"

"I really am not," said June seriously. "I was most invisible for years. I don't know why the world chose to pay attention to me again."

"It's good it did," said Sarah, nudging her with her shoulder. "I like you."

"I'd honestly prefer if the world found easier methods to pay attention to me," grumbled June. "The current strategy is very exhausting, not to mention awfully painful."

"Why painful?" asked Sarah.

"I… don't know which one of me he likes," confessed June. "I know that's a strange something to be worrying about, and I don't even think he likes either the reader or this version of me – and I get confused between them, too. There's also the only too factual knowledge that Sirius Black is nowhere near my league – or my _galaxy,_ for that matter. To top it all off, I have… no experience with men. Boys. Whichever. I haven't been kissed, I haven't been on a date – and I had no intention to, either. I can't… do this. That's not even – even _comprehending_ that sort of thing sets me off into a frenzy, I can't imagine ever being on a – on a _date._ This is just a very ridiculous circumstance, and I keep expecting myself to wake up any minute now."

Sarah blinked. "That's… a lot."

June breathed deeply.

"You don't have to – imagine up everything, I mean. Stick to the facts. You like him. You don't know if he likes you – all the rest is just complication."

"Complications with real possibilities of blowing up," June responded.

"I know, but just to humour me," said Sarah. "You like him. I don't think he's oblivious to you, either."

"Yeah, _I_ have a chance with Sirius Black," she snorted. "I thought we were sticking to facts?"

"He's not insensible to you," pointed out Sarah reasonably. "He spends time with you. He even flirts with you."

"He'd flirt with a teapot."

"But he does with _you._ It gets him going, somewhat. Gives him a rise."

"Anything that could challenge him gives him a rise," said June, her voice flat. "If it was a thestral, it would give him a rise."

"Now that's just monstrous," said Sarah, exasperated. "I'm trying to be the nicest version of myself for this conversation, and all you can think of is Sirius Black getting it on with a thestral."

June pushed her with a laugh. "Anyway, things have been… weird between us. Something about it feels skittish."

Sarah's eyebrows went up. "Tell you what, Williams. You're going to be eating your words one day, and when you do, I'm going to laugh."

"If I _am_ eating my words, you have to ask out Jill Goldstein."

"You just said you hated her."

"I'd make an effort if you liked her."

"I don't," laughed Sarah. "But I'll consider it."

"Oh, this is actively cruel," said June. "You know as well as I do I have not a chance with Sirius Black, and you're only doing this to encourage me."

"Of course I am," said Sarah, leaning back again, throwing her head up. "I want to see you make an effort at flirting. I'd pay money for that sort of thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, we love reviews :D


	18. Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running a little late and chasing multiple multiple MULTIPLE deadlines at the moment, so I am a little frazzled. I almost forgot to publish this. Don't worry, though, I have all of the chapters for the foreseeable future written if not betaed! On that note, thank you to my beta junieyes, and I hope you like this chapter? I am doing something of what JuggernautJJ had wanted, but there is actually a To Kill a Mockingbird chapter in the works. In the meanwhile, we will all have to settle for Miller.

"Here," said Hagrid, handing her a mug. June gripped it, smiling as Hagrid sat down on one of his armchairs. "Yeh haven't been 'round a lot."

"No," said June regretfully. "I've been a little busy."

"It's good," nodded Hagrid, throwing Fang a biscuit. The puppy yapped it up within seconds.

"Treats are _wasted_ on that one," said June, being the one who had brought Fang this treat. "He doesn't _taste_ it. He just swallows it."

Hagrid laughed gruffly. "'Ee's a dog, June. It was good of you to bring 'em, but that's as far as it goes."

June sighed. "I should have known. I'm sorry I've been away for such a while, Hagrid."

"S'alright," said Hagrid. "I'm kind of glad, if I'm honest. I like seeing you with people. Even that Sirius Black."

June went pink.

"Just don't forget me, eh?" he said.

"No one could forget you," she said.

Hagrid smiled a slightly watery smile. "You and Black good friends now?"

"Um," said June.

Hagrid had said it nonchalantly, but she had her suspicions. She knew Hagrid well enough to know he didn't just… _ask._

"Sort of," she said.

He was determined to cut up the fruitcake, but even she noticed the slight gleam in his eye.

"He's not – we're not." She took a breath. "We're friends."

"O'course."

"You might have – seen us –"

"Sometimes." The gleam was now a glitter.

"Not lately, though!" she continued digging her grave.

"No," he shook his shaggy head.

"He's in a bad mood," said June irritably. "I don't – we're not _that_ close."

Hagrid looked at her now, with the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes. She sighed, burying her face in her hands. "Oh, Merlin."

"Careful June," said Hagrid. "Tea's still hot."

* * *

She trudged up the castle, her mood a mix of feelings. If _Hagrid_ was beginning to notice things…

She tugged her cloak when it got caught in a thorny bush. The sound of something tearing just a _little_ bit was very distinct. She sighed and prayed to God to deliver her from the world. It was _exhausting,_ the mortifying ordeal of being known. Why did Hagrid have to know how much time she was or wasn't spending with Sirius Black? How was Hagrid clued in to the fact that Sirius was not happy?

That last one wasn't really Hagrid's doing, thought June with reluctant charity. Practically _everyone_ knew Sirius was in a… a bad place?

Whatever uneasy sort of middle ground they had found with each other after their fight was in jeopardy again. Although classes moved with a steadiness that provided comfort, something happened to Sirius as February's third week came to a close. He seemed moody, angry, and aggressive – and hadn't shown up at the library for half an age. On top of all that – she had no way of knowing whether he was reading her copy of _Death of a Salesman._

June didn't want to have to think of this – but she was beginning to feel the problems that came associated with the mortifying ordeal of being known. It wasn't just that Sirius Black's bad mood and bad situation was something that held her copy of _Death of a Salesman_ hostage, it was also the other, added problem: she was _worried._ She cared about him, so even as she walked to the castle after her tea with Hagrid, she fretted. She wondered whether he was alright, whether he needed an ear to speak to, whether he'd like some of her homemade fudge.

Unexpected, she knew. She hadn't ever considered what happened to you if there were people you could worry _about._ It was a novel experience, and one she didn't like replicating – but it also felt… like she could no longer do without it. She could not do without worrying for him, or for Sarah for that matter, and even for Lily and the rest. Therefore, even as she headed to the library, she wondered whether she ought to head to the kitchens and ask Robby for assistance and make some fudge.

She saw Remus leaving the library when she entered. Their eyes met, and he only nodded. It was an unsaid something between them.

The other three idiots he called his friends clearly seemed to know something was up – because she noticed them converging, preventing people from asking questions – and protecting him from the concerns of his fanclub. June, without any of these defence systems already in place, had to face a number of different "worried" girls who were trying to have her tell them whether he had okay. One of them ambushed her this minute, even as June made a big show of being wholly involved in the water plants section in the library.

Badgered though June was, she didn't give _anything_ away. "I really don't know," she sighed, exasperated. "We aren't best friends, as you very well know."

This girl was particularly persistent. "But you must know _something,"_ she insisted.

"No, I do not!" June said, pulling a thick book on seawater plants from the shelves and heading to her corner. "And if I did, I'd hardly tell you."

With this, she flounced off, hopeful of having made her point. When she reached her table, she sighed again. She was missing him a little – but she didn't want to encroach on his space. She didn't know _how_ to be there for him, since all of this was very new to her. But even _she_ knew approaching him for conversation was perhaps the worst strategy when he didn't want to talk.

Time didn't pass as easily. She felt stuck on her essay, and she didn't like underwater plants enough to commit to them properly. She was collapsed on her parchment, her eye level with the second paragraph of her essay. He's have teased her, of course, which would have been nice.

A chill ran down her spine even as she imagined the conversation between them.

She knew he was nearby before he announced himself. She didn't have to look up to know he was standing next to the table. He looked tired, and sleepy – and like he hadn't eaten much.

She hesitated when she saw him. His eyes blazed, but he didn't immediately turn away. Instead, he… approached.

He fell into his chair. She was sitting on his right, next to him. Hostility radiated off him, waves of anger and more anger. June didn't know what the matter was, but she knew the rumours. She knew that everyone was wondering why he was in such a – such a black mood, right now. She didn't know how to ask him anything about it, and she had a feeling he would bite her head off if she did.

So she did the only thing she knew how to do – she placed her palm on his hand. It looked small against his – dwarfed by the size of his hand. She clutched it a little, held on.

The anger began to recede.

He turned his hand over, and she laced her fingers into his. She dared not to look at him, only tracing the patterns of the creases in his palm.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"No problem," she said.

They sat there for a few seconds, a thrill running through her heart when he didn't withdraw his hand at once.

"It's my uncle," he said finally. "He died a few weeks ago. My family didn't have the decency to tell me. Found out because he left me money."

"I'm sorry," she said. She knew she sounded automatic.

He shrugged. "Even Regulus didn't tell me."

She continued tracing the patterns of the creases.

"He really frustrates me, do you know?"

"I know," she said, pausing her tracing of his hand. She gripped his hand tighter. "He's alone, Sirius. You have many people. He's not used to relying on anyone outside of his family."

"I'm family," said Sirius under his breath. "He could rely on me."

"You and I both know that's not always the easiest path to follow," said June.

Sirius didn't look very convinced. "Fuck, who cares about Regulus. I liked Uncle Alphard."

This June had nothing to say to. She allowed him to stew in silence for sometime, wondering how best to tackle the problem. Then, she had a burst of inspiration. "I have the Herbology essay to finish," she said out of nowhere. "But I wanted to get a snack, first. Will you come?"

He seemed surprised, but he agreed. He was still not meeting her eyes at all.

She stood up, gathering her things before circling the table to grab her bag. As soon as she left his hand, she felt an inexplicable sense of disappointment and relief at the same time. When she turned around, he was standing, too. He was looking at her, and she really couldn't place the look. He still wanted _something –_ she really wasn't sure what it was.

She hesitated. Put her bag down. Put her arms around his neck.

He was stiff for a second, but so was she. She hadn't realised how – how _unused_ to touch she was. She hadn't been hugged in _years._ But he melted, just as she did. He held her tighter, but she found she didn't mind. It felt like a – like a perfect moment, until she gently untangled herself from him. "Come on, let's eat."

It was just too much. Too much of a reminder of what couldn't be hers.

He followed her in silence as they both headed to the kitchens. Sirius showed her a shortcut she hadn't known, and they arrived in half time. She hesitated when they reached the portrait with the pear.

"What?" he asked her.

"Um – will you go along with something I do to feel better?" she asked with caution.

"How stupid is it?" he asked suspiciously.

"Not much stupider than reading _Pride and Prejudice_ thrice," she shot back.

He laughed, his first laugh since she had seen him. She ignored the trill of her heart and smiled back. "Fair enough," he said. "Lead the way."

June entered the kitchen, and Robby instantly made his way to them. "Yes, Miss Williams?" he asked. "Would you like some food? An éclair for Mr Black?"

"Er – no," she said. "Could you – you remember that oven I used a lot a few years back? Could you bring all of this there?"

She surreptitiously handed him a small slip of paper. Robby nodded and dashed off, while Sirius crossed his arms and looked at her with amusement.

"Do this often, do you?"

She was pink. "I – erm, I used to come – well, you know, when you feel low…"

"I _really_ thought we were beyond this, Williams."

She pushed him playfully. "I came here a lot when I was in my third year," she said by way of explanation. "I – you know."

His face turned grim.

"Anyway," she said, brushing past. She took him to the oven – it was in a small enclosure, away from the rest of the kitchens. The ingredients were assembled, as well as the pots and pans. She began separating everything, and handed Sirius a large tin.

"I like – making fudge, when I'm low. I'm not very good or anything, but it's calming. Did this a lot during my summers, too. Especially after third year, because then I was earning my own money so mum couldn't complain. And the exchange rate for muggle money is very good…"

He was listening intently. "Right," she said, with another blush. "Could you – the flour?"

He gave her the flour, and she snipped the packet with a scissor. She measured out far too much for two people.

"Who are you making all this fudge _for,_ Williams?" he asked.

"Um – Lily and the rest?" she said. "I don't do it as often anymore, and I've never had any friends to make it for."

"You know, if you were less pathetic, this would be more fun," he said with a roll of his eyes.

She elbowed him. He flicked some flour on her face.

" _Sirius!"_ she sputtered.

But he was laughing. June sighed. "Oh very well, whatever makes you happy."

"Does that mean I have a pass for anything?" he asked, his ears visibly perking up.

"No!" she said irritably, wiping her face off the flour. "Now, hand over the butter."

"Pity," he said, sliding her the butter.

June huffed, crushing the butter into another bowl. They began to cook in earnest, with June asking him to hand things over, mixing butter, sugar, milk, eggs – all the things that go into making a baked good. She chatted with Sirius about things as she went along – ("everyone _loves_ biscuits, but I prefer fudge, you know?), and he told her some of the things he had been thinking of as well ("Never been that keen on the Bent Winged Snitches. Always felt like their music was a little derivative."). They didn't talk about his uncle much, except a few odd mentions ("I used to go to his place during Easter with Andromeda. She's my cousin – the only cousin I can bear." "You didn't go for Christmas?" "I always spend Christmas at the Potters."). June had to keep him away from the bowl of batter far too often, even as he pretended to listen to her opinions on the lack of a musical or artistic education in Hogwarts (why do we care so little about our cultural education? Just because the wizarding community has been so much more scattere– _Sirius!)._

Eventually, with the fudge packed off in the oven, they both settled down on the small table placed in the corner of the enclave.

June saw his hand resting on the table and took a breath.

"I didn't know you liked cooking."

"A lot you don't know about me," she said.

"Like?"

June rolled her eyes. "What do you want to know? That I was raised catholic?"

"You _were?"_

She laughed. "Yeah. Now you know."

Sirius seemed to be earnestly contemplating this. Just as June was about to ask him what he was thinking, he said, "I haven't ever cooked, you know?"

"No?" asked June, frowning.

"Yeah – at home, it's always the house elf who cooked. And Mum would never let us sully the Black family name by performing the menial tasks of the house."

It was said with bitterness.

"So… I'm better at you than this?" asked June. This was probably not the take away he expected, but it made him smile.

"Enjoy lording it over me," he said.

"I have so little to look forward to, after all," she sniffed realistically. "What with my pathetic life and no friends until year six."

Sirius' eyes widened. This time, _she_ laughed.

"Oh, ha, _ha,"_ he said. "Very funny."

"Come on, you do it to me all the time," said June with a grin. "I'm _always_ on my toes."

"And don't you forget it, Williams," he said. His eyes flicked across her face, and for a second, she wasn't sure what he was thinking. He looked – he looked odd.

"You've been doing okay last few weeks?" he asked.

She nodded. "Would have loved a warning before you dropped off the earth," she said. "All of your fanclub descended upon me like I held some sort of key to your emotions. I don't understand them."

He barked a laugh. "Sorry," he said. "I forgot to keep you in the loop."

"S'alright," she said, and she meant it. "Since I had nothing else to go on, I have to say, they are a _good_ source of information. They'd come weeping about how you hadn't eaten your food at the dinner table or hadn't shown up for Transfiguration, and I'd have to reckon with the fact that I'm a bad friend for not noticing any of it."

He laughed again, louder. "You _are_ bizarre, Williams."

She blushed pink with pleasure. Again there was that weird look in his eye, one that she couldn't place. He seemed to be aware that she had noticed it.

"You been reading?" she asked, trying to cut the tension.

"Oh – well, not as much," he said. "It's a good book – _Death of a Salesman._ A play, I should say. It's… so small. I mean – that's what she said about it, too. That it's a story of a small person and their small life, and that's what makes it big. And it's got such a lot… going on? She's right, there's a lot of large feelings in the book, pressed in a small life."

"Then what's the problem?" she asked.

He smiled wanly. "It's not the book. It's… her. I don't… I think I ought to meet her. I feel like my connection to her is slipping, and I don't like it."

June had nothing to offer. Before she could really ponder the implications of this statement, really think it all through, he asked:

"Do you like cooking?"

She nodded. "Mum and I would cook a lot when I was smaller. It was easier… being around her when we were in the kitchen."

"Can I ask you something?"

She waited.

"Why did it change? I know why it changed for me," he said.

"No – I… don't know."

He paused. "Does pure blood fanaticism mean nothing to you?"

"You and I both know that's not how it… works," she said. "I know you weren't born knowing right from wrong. Those things are taught, and your parents must have taught you _something._ How did you… stop learning that?"

The sound of kitchen knives chopping and the oven humming were the only things she heard.

"For me," June ploughed on, "There was a… moment. I had a moment, where I realised that my father's cruelty may not extend to me now, but it might. Whenever it was convenient."

He brooded. "I would have been eight or something," he said quietly. "My parents were screaming their hearts out for the hundredth time, and I remember thinking that this couldn't be love. She'd never hug me, my mother. And I saw someone hugging their kid once, on the street. I felt fucking exhausted, of course. It's tiring, right?"

She nodded. "The first time is always related to you. Mum aimed a nice soapy pan to my head once, for burning dad's dinner. That's when the other shoe dropped: she'd defend him, even when his cruelty would extend to me. They can be a little Christian, you know. That's why we don't get along much, either. Witchcraft is the devil's work, and it's as bad as saying I don't believe in God, or that I'm interested in women. That's not all, of course. Later you see all the other things – the racism _feels_ worse, since it's so much more… public. Like how my father couldn't look at the Indian family in the street without a sneer. They were horrified when a black woman came to stay on our corner."

He winced. "That's…?"

"Muggle blood purity," explained June tiredly. "I won't pretend to be able to tell you a lot about it, but I've read _To Kill a Mockingbird._ And some of Morrison. But you know – you know how it is. Once you know that their cruelty is wrong, the people they were being cruel to probably…"

"Don't deserve it," he finished. She nodded.

"I won't pretend I'm a saint," she said. "I think – well, I don't like thinking about it, but I must have caused some pain to others. Especially Shankar."

His fingers drummed the table. "I did something to a Muggle Born, too. And I don't like thinking about it, either."

She understood. She knew too well what he was talking about.

It occurred to her then that she'd given away the fact that she liked reading something that wasn't classwork. Luckily, he didn't bring it up. She waited a few minutes for the moment to pass before she continued the conversation.

"You feel so tired," she murmured. "Like it's on you to fix the family and the world."

"Isn't it?" he said bitterly.

"Eh," she said with a bright smile. "We can't fix our parents. I try not to take them too seriously."

He laughed again. She smiled with him.

"You could leave, you know? I've got a fortune now, thanks to my uncle. We could live together." He said it quietly, but there was that ring of truth in it.

Her heart trilled again. "Oh, be quiet," she said. "I can't believe your family sob story ends with you getting a fortune. I'd like to be rich."

He mussed her hair even as she batted him away. "You ought to marry me," he said seriously. "You'd be rich, and without the family, too."

She pretended to consider it. "Do you leave your laundry undone?"

"Yes," he said.

"Then no," she said, lacing her fingers together.

"Merlin help us _,_ Williams."

"Well, _fine,_ I might budge on the laundry, but you have to promise to do it."

"And just what are you going to be doing?"

"Cooking, since you're awful at it."

"I never said I was awful at it," he said, stung. "I don't have practice. Besides, you could do the laundry and I could _learn –"_

"I refuse to eat burned food."

"I want a divorce."

"Me first."

They both burst into peals and peals of laughter. The oven dinged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love reviews.


	19. Quidditch Through the Ages by Kennilworthy Whisp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for being late! I was earnestly trying to finish my dissertation, a project that has taken half my life and all of my soul. Thank you all for your patience, and this is another chapter with very many elements from the original. Out of respect for spoiler policies, I will refrain from saying anything until you guys finish. 
> 
> Yikes, this academic jargon is really seeping into my life. Sorry guys.
> 
> I forgot to mention! I might be a little late in the next update. I am just having a little trouble with the next chapter, that's all.

It was a good thing Sirius was in a better mood, June thought as she climbed the stairs of her dormitory with a batch of fudge. The Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor match was coming, and there was no way Sirius would want to miss that in good spirits. She didn't think it was her fudge that did it, but she was hopeful.

The fudge however, had other unfortunate repercussions. James Potter descended upon her during breakfast, with Peter in tow. "You!" he said, pointing a dramatic finger at June.

She promptly dropped the fork she was holding up. She looked sadly at the sausage that had rolled off and back at James Potter. "What?" she asked

"You have been making _fudge!"_ he said, sliding into the bench.

"And?" asked Sarah, flipping a page of her newspaper.

"You be quiet," said James. "You probably got half the share of fudge."

Sarah folded her newspaper neatly, putting it away. She laced her fingers together and tucked them under her chin, elbows on the table. "I did," she said triumphantly.

James Potter looked mutinous. "We want to know why we don't get any, while the _enemy_ does."

Peter nodded vigorously.

"She's not…"

"Because she's been passing your Quidditch secrets to me," said Sarah. "I'm in with Davies. I'm telling him everything about your new strategy."

"She's joking!" said June with a nervous laugh. "She is! You are! Tell him you are."

James looked ready to kill.

Sirius appeared from nowhere. "He's been complaining since you gave me the fudge, Williams," he said with a grin. "If it wasn't for the match, I'd have heard no end of it."

"Cripes," murmured June. She shut the book she had propped up against the orange juice jug. It was _Quidditch, Through the Ages,_ and she was reading it for no good reason apart from the fact that she wanted to care more about Quidditch now that she was friends with people who cared about it. "Well, you see – I made it for my friends."

"And I'm not your _friend?"_ asked James in a wounded voice. June was just preparing a speech in her defence, which would go into the finer points of both fudge making and friendship, when Lily and Marlene entered the Great Hall. Instantly distracted, James looked away.

Lily slid into the table beside Sarah. "Here," she said to James, handing him a small, foil wrapped something. "You can have the last of mine."

"I could kiss you, Evans," said James fervently.

Lily blushed red. Marlene rolled her eyes and settled down next to Sirius.

"So, match tomorrow?" asked Lily, trying to brush past the whole thing, in a way that very closely reminded June of her asking Sirius if he was reading anything new.

"We're not going to talk about it with _her_ on the table," said James, glaring at Sarah.

"Yikes, with the house pride," said Sarah.

"Are you coming for the match?" Sirius asked June.

"Yes," she said.

"Fantastic," said Sirius, satisfied. "I'm going to go early to get seats for everyone. Evans, you in?"

June paused. "I thought I would – well, Sarah –"

"June," said Marlene patiently. "I understand you're new to this friendship thing, but you _cannot_ sit with the enemy on a match day. If she was a Slytherin, I'd understand."

June looked at Sarah, who looked unbelievably entertained. "No, Williams, I am not sitting with you while your team pummels us. I have _some_ house pride."

"Ha!" said James, piling tomato sauce on his eggs. "That's _right,_ Freegood."

"I know, Potter," said Sarah irritably. "Don't worry, it's not like we magically became another team overnight. I'd have noticed."

"You never know –"

"Everyone be quiet," said Lily. "Black, will you save one for Mary, too?"

"I thought it was obvious I would," said Sirius, scarfing down sausages. He stole one from June.

"Hey!" said June, narrowing her eyes.

"You're disgusting, Black," Marlene declared, her nose wrinkling with disgust. "Oh – _ha!_ Lily, _look."_

All of them turned to see Alice Fortescue quickly peck Frank Longbottom. "I didn't know they were dating," said Peter.

"There's a lot to be gained through a friendship with Williams, Pettigrew," said Marlene sagely. "Thank you, June, for making sure that I got to see Alice snogging someone's face off at the breakfast table –"

"I didn't _do_ anything–" began June –

"I'd hardly call that 'snogging someone's face off,'" countered Lily.

"Quiet, both of you," said Marlene. "Williams, are you heading out, now that Black has stolen half your breakfast?"

June grinned and got up. "I'll see you after Arthimancy, June," Sarah called after her.

She waved before leaving. Oddly enough, Sirius jumped after her. Marlene wrinkled her nose. As soon as they reached the Great Hall, she waved goodbye and headed for Arthimancy. "I'm actually free right now," said June.

"I know, I am too. Muggle Studies isn't until later. What were you going to do?"

"I have some Transfiguration spells to work on," she said absently. "I suppose if I do them now, I'll have the evening off. I could even make a batch of fudge for James, since he's so upset…"

She wasn't really looking at him. When she did, she noticed that look in his eye again – that specific one, that had happened when they were in the kitchens. She wasn't sure what he was thinking of when he looked at her that way.

"Good idea," he said, waking himself out of it. "James has made life miserable, did you know?"

She laughed. "Will you come? I'll need help with Transfiguration."

He agreed. She really did try not to think of it too much, but it was hard to push that expression out of her mind.

* * *

She made it back to her dormitory that night, but only just. She was still floating on the thought of Sirius asking her to the match. She had to continuously snap at herself to bring her mind back to the ground – the cold, hard, ground that told her that she was daydreaming for nothing. Again and again that _look_ flashed in her mind's eye, the one that Sirius had given her from time to time.

Lily was curled up in her bed, while the other two were sleeping. "Oh, hello," she said, surprised. "How are you?"

"Um," said June, taking to her own bed and taking her shoes off. She fell from her knees up into the bed.

"Late evening?" she asked humorously. "Or were you just partying the way I am: with my Herbology essay."

"I finished that," said June, lifting herself up and holding out a box. "I made you more fudge."

"Oh – wow," Lily took the box from June. "Thanks, June!" she said, touched.

"No problem," said June, flopping back down.

"Something bothering you?"

She groaned, putting her hands on her face.

Lily collapsed on the bed as well, grinning. "What's up, June?" she said.

"Has… has a boy ever looked at you strange?" asked June.

June could _feel_ the slow smile growing on Lily without seeing it. "Define… strange."

She sighed. "If a boy was just listening to me say something. And he was looking at me very… intently, I suppose? Like he's listening to what I'm saying very carefully, but he's not really thinking about what I'm saying?"

June's eyes slid over to Lily, who was looking properly perplexed. She opened her mouth, and then shut it again. "June –"

"He wants to snog you."

It came from Marlene's bed somewhere. She didn't even turn over to face them.

"What?" squeaked June, getting up at once.

"Snog," she repeated, voice muffled by distance and blankets. "He wants to snog you."

There was the horrifying moment of realisation settling in, and before June could react, Lily beat her. "You could have said it more _tactfully,_ Marlene," she said, also sitting upright.

"What's there to be tactful about?" demanded Marlene, finally turning over. Her eyes glittered in June's lamplight. "Whoever the bloke is – he wants to snog you, Williams."

"I didn't say it was me!" said June, her voice shrill.

" _Shh_!" hissed Lily, nodding to Mary's bed.

"Oh, give it up, Lily," said the bleary voice of Mary. She got up in her bed, looking at them with half lidded eyes. "No one is asleep."

"Sorry," said June, contrite.

Mary rubbed her eyes. "What's the problem? Who wants to snog whom?"

"Some bloke looking at June," said Marlene, not bothering to get out from under the covers.

"I'm sure he doesn't want to snog you," said Lily reassuringly. "Maybe he was just –"

"Contemplating the fudge I made?" June helped. Or hoped.

Lily blinked, opening her mouth. When she said nothing, June sighed.

"Oh, fuck it," said Marlene, struggling out of bed. "Hand over the fudge."

June gave her a box of fudge.

"Marlene McKinnon, you've already brushed!" said Mary.

"So?" said Marlene, her mouth filled with fudge.

Lily threw a pillow at Marlene. "Give it back! It's mine! June said so!"

"How dare you, June Williams," said Marlene, in a thunderous voice.

"I meant it for all of you!" said June hurriedly.

Lily gasped in mock betrayal. "Brownnoser!"

June elbowed Lily, who threw another pillow. Mary tried to get at the fudge, only to have Marlene holding it at an arm's length, falling into the bed with her. June was laughing again.

* * *

It all started innocently enough: she didn't wake up early, but Sirius and his friends had already saved them seats. Wedged firmly between Lily and Peter, she had watched the game with interest. This wasn't the first time she had come for a match or anything, but it certainly was the first time with a friend. Lily and her friends had taken her along during first year and second year – before she clammed up entirely. That was different, of course – before, she had only ever gotten mildly stressed out by the energy of the school.

Now, however, she was curious about the way Sirius shouted, or yelled up and down. Remus glanced at her once, while James was awarded a penalty shot; their eyes met.

It was something… of an understanding. She knew what he was thinking, and he knew what she was thinking. She hesitated for half a second before nodded briefly, with a smile.

He sighed, even as Sirius looked gripped by one thing and one thing only. Then he smiled back.

Of course Gryffindor won – it wasn't even up for debate. Hufflepuff's team was terrible. To her surprise, she saw Sarah shouting her head off when Hufflepuff scored – but they really were _pummelled._ June was almost grateful when Andrea Beaumont caught the snitch whenever she did.

As soon as the game was over Sirius disappeared. Lily looked at her sympathetically, but June wasn't sure why.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" asked June, confused.

"Well – it's a pity he didn't sit with you," she said, her voice low. She put on her Gryffindor scarf.

"Um – was he supposed to?"

"Let her alone, Lily," said Marlene from behind them. "She's so clueless, I almost want to see how the night goes with Black pumping firewhisky in his veins."

"Marlene!" said Lily, scandalised.

"What do you mean?" demanded June.

"Oh, nothing," said Lily. "Oh for heaven's sake – let's go from the other stairwell. Severus is making his way here."

She followed them as they walked off the stands. Marlene seemed to be observing something very carefully, because she was lost in thought even as they reached the stairs. Surrounded by people chittering away, Marlene held June by the elbow and said in a love voice: "Word from the wise, Williams. There's going to be a party."

"Oh," said June. "I know. I promise I won't invite Sarah –"

"Not that, dearest, although it's adorable that your mind went there," said Marlene. "You want to be careful during a party without any supervision. Almost everything is going to have firewhisky in it."

June stopped in her tracks. "It is?" she asked.

Marlene nodded grimly. "And Bobby Jones isn't well known for keeping his hands to himself."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"And," continued Marlene. "I know it's not my place, but Black will probably be drunk."

"That really has nothing to do with me, but I'll take care of him," promised June.

Marlene surveyed her. "You really are oblivious, aren't you? Fine, have a good time."

June wished she could tell Marlene that it wasn't obliviousness as much as it was cold, hard sense. She didn't want to dream of any hopes that she might have, not even if someone paid her.

As soon as they reached the bottom of the stairwell, Peter scuttled close to them. "Party in the common room!" he hissed.

"He's such a strange one," sighed Mary. "Let's go, girls."

They walked slowly, with no intention of coming before the food had been nicked from the kitchens. So they went and congratulated the team first thing. Lily was a little pink in her cheeks when she told James he'd done a good job. James looked like he had ascended to the heavens themselves. He was sweaty and disgusting, but June had a strong suspicion that none of this was registering to Lily when she hugged him.

Marlene nudged her in common understanding. June smiled, shaking her head a little. Even Remus caught her eye then, and they both matched their amusement.

Once James and the team disappeared to take a shower, they trudged upstairs. Remus was the only one left with them. Sirius and Peter had gone to organise things.

By the time they reached the common room, the party had somewhat started. Everyone was helping themselves to the butterbeer that had been generously loaded on a table, while Peter had managed to bring what seemed to be the Gryffindor house's weight in food. "Merlin help us," said Marlene, as she saw Bobby Jones holding two bottles of butterbeer. "Stay close, ladies."

They did for most of the evening. James and the team arrived, and the common room burst into applause. Andrea Beaumont was instantly surrounded by four or five different boys. James, on the other hand, made a beeline for Lily. Very soon, they were engaged in yet another slightly argumentative debate on nothing and everything. Lily had very strong opinions on toothpicks and pockets, learned June.

"But you _know_ that your pockets are bigger," Lily insisted. "You _know_ it. It's sexism, that's what it is –"

"You're going to call smaller pockets sexism -?" laughed James.

June stopped listening around the same time that Lily launched into a long speech about the history of pockets. She had already done her duty, and handed James a box of congratulatory fudge. He looked ready to kiss her, which was also when she thought it was time to politely excuse herself from Lily and James' conversation. She spent most of her evening with Marlene, who pointed randomly at people and looked to June for random, accumulated bits of gossip. Mary disappeared for some time when Terry Sims showed up, but returned almost immediately. She shook her head when Marlene raised her eyebrows. "No," she said. "That ship has sailed."

June pretended not to see Marlene look as pleased as a housecat.

Someone had started up some music, and a few people were dancing. The party was beginning to become increasingly rowdier, someone had spilled a large batch of chocolate frogs. They were hopping everywhere, some had been mercilessly crushed under the weight of dancers. Everyone was getting steadily drunker – except for June, who didn't want to touch too much of the firewhisky since last time. She knew her vomiting had been the result of a prank, but it still left something of a bad taste in her mouth. Sometime by eleven, the younger students had disappeared.

Marlene had disappeared to the bathroom when June noticed Sirius. He was swaying a little. June looked around, and noticed none of the others were anywhere in sight. Lily was dancing with James, which she _really_ didn't want to disturb.

She rushed to Sirius. He held her hand, and focussed on her face. "June?" he asked.

She nodded briefly.

"Could you take me outside?" he said. "Merlin – don't worry, I haven't had that much."

She'd be the judge of that, of course. But even as she brought him outside, she noticed he was just a bit disbalanced. He was nowhere close to out of his mind, and his speech wasn't slurred either.

"Oh, Agrippa," he said, sitting down on the stairs outside the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Headache?"

"No, just a lack of balance," he said. "I _am_ fine, I promise."

"I know," she reassured him.

"You seemed to be having fun."

"I was!" she said brightly. "Marlene and I were gossiping."

He chuckled. "About what?"

"Um – did you know that Vincent Holmes has a crush on you?"

Sirius blinked. The moonlight slanted on his face, dripping from his eyelashes.

"No," he said.

"Well – he – he does," said June, momentarily befuddled. "Amongst others."

"There are others?"

"Many," she nodded.

"Merlin and Agrippa."

"Not them." she shook her head. "I don't think they have crushes on you."

He laughed. "You're a riot, Williams."

She cracked a grin.

He was quiet again. "What's up?" she asked, as gently as possible. The sound of the party was a muffled buzz in the distance.

He was looking at her again – with that look on his face, that look that Marlene had said was – but she shook her head of the thought. Something fast was playing in the distance – people were probably dancing up a storm.

"What are you thinking?"

"Something stupid, Marlene said," she said, trying to focus. "It's nothing – she didn't –"

He was closer now. If she lifted her hand, she'd touch his cheek.

"What did McKinnon say?" he asked.

"Nothing important," she whispered.

His lips pressed on hers. He was gentle, gentler than she had been expecting him to be – it began slow, soft, and then pressed into her more and more. His hands held her wrists, creeping up to her elbows. His teeth caught her bottom lip – she sighed into his mouth. Sirius was – he was loud, he was noisy, and he kissed her like he had never known the peace of silence. She felt herself being drained of it – her ears ringing more and more, the roaring sound of the wind in her head.

And then he stopped.

"I'm – June – I'm sorry," he said.

He got up. June, feeling oddly bereft, looked up at him.

"I need – just give me a minute," he said, rushing back to the common room.

There was nothing left, but the darkness of the room and the ringing in her ears.

"Ah, fuck," murmured June. "Marlene was right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, in the original version of this, I distinctly remember writing the fact that he took away her silence and she could hear so much noise in her ears after their first kiss. I felt like doing that again this time, so I borrowed that a little. 
> 
> The other thing I borrowed wasn't really mine! Sirius Black kissing the OC character after a drunk party is so instituted in fanfic, it's almost as bad as the Yule Ball. I wanted to do something similar, because I respect my roots. I know where I come from. 
> 
> Anyway, love reviews as always!


	20. Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maude Montgomery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! I really didn't mean to take such a long break after the last admittedly cliffhangery chapter, but this chapter came at a very difficult time for me in that - it genuinely required way more editing than any of the others (everyone say thank u to beta junieyes, who went through this draft TWICE, if not thrice). On top of that, I was also in the submissions week in that I was trying, desperately, to write my MA dissertation.
> 
> Again, very sorry for the lag in publishing, but hopefully I'll be back to my previous update schedule - with minor hiccups, maybe.
> 
> I had a lot of fun with this chapter when I was writing it, particularly because I used some more old tropes with fresh new twists. I'll explain right at the end.

He hadn’t moved from his bed – he tossed a rubber ball up and caught it, again and again. No one had really approached him since the party – in fact, people had given him a wide berth – including his reader. He hadn’t finished the book she had given him, either. He didn’t care to read it.

He was having a headache.

Not a very strong or painful one, just a very persistent one. Alongside the headache was the guilt – unceasing, coiling in his stomach like a snake, and pricking up every time he saw June. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to do about it, so he snapped at everyone and anyone – Peter had squeaked when Sirius sounded him off for leaving his socks on the floor.

Without getting up, he looked outside the window. Everything felt confusing and irritating and painful. His heart had not stopped hurting for three days.

June had looked like she wanted to say something to him at breakfast, but he had steered clear of her. She had opened her mouth, and almost seemed ready to speak before she stopped herself. She might be wondering what he was doing, he thought bitterly, turning over in his bed and punching his pillow. He fell face first into the pillow and groaned into it loudly.

“Padfoot?”

It was James. Sirius looked up to find him blinking owlishly. Sirius turned away with a snarl.

“Look – what’s the matter?” asked James. He sat down at the foot of the bed and laced his fingers, beginning in his straightforward manner: “What happened? You’ve bitten everyone’s head off for a week straight and Remus is beginning to think you might be going through puberty or something.”

Sirius gave a frustrated sigh, and got up from his bed. He paced the room, kicked Peter’s shoes out of his way and turned to face James. “It’s June.”

“Williams?” asked James, nonplussed.

“The very same,” he said, glaring.

“What did she do?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I… kissed her.”

James didn’t say anything for a second, so Sirius slowly lifted his hand to glance at him.

James’ eyebrows were lost somewhere in his hairline. He blinked. “You kissed her.”

“Yes.”

“ _And_?”

Sirius returned to his bed and fell back into it. He rubbed his face, groaning loudly in frustration. “I don’t know. I don’t _know.”_

“What do you not know?” asked James.

“I – look – the thing is, it’s not that I don’t like her. I like her… too much. I’ve never liked a girl like this, mostly because I’ve hardly ever been friends with a girl before this. And she’s a good friend! She’s dependable, and she seems to understand instinctively how she ought to be during times of troubles – all of those good things.”

“But?”

“I thought I liked this other person.”

James frowned. “The book girl.”

“I really liked her, James,” said Sirius quietly, getting up again. “I know I was hiding it behind all these other things – saying it was her taste, it was other things. But I – I somehow understand her. I _know_ her, through her writing and her thoughts and words – I kept falling for her, again and again. But the closer I got to June, the more I seemed to forget her – the more confused I got. I liked her enough to feel a thrill whenever she wrote to me, I analysed her words. I don’t –”

“Take a breath, Black,” said James without a trace of laughter.

Sirius did. “What – what do you think –”

“You should be honest. With both of them.”

“This is _really_ going to backfire.”

“Very likely,” said James. “Chances are you lose both. But you have to be honest.”

Sirius sighed. “I really hate that you’re right.”

He probably should have asked for some pointers on how to go about it, he realised in retrospect.

* * *

It was night time when he came to her, fully expecting this to be the easier one of the conversations. June was curled up near the fireplace, and seemed to have buried herself in _Mansfield Park_ again.

Four more days had passed with Sirius trying to get a hold of her – but this time around, _she_ seemed to be avoiding him. Not overtly, but he hadn’t found her anywhere at all for four days – she melted into the background and disappeared, and he was left thinking that he was _sure_ he had spotted her during Transfiguration.

But if he was being honest – he hadn’t really tried. Talking to James helped, but it hardly gave him the courage he needed to have this conversation. And he walked back on his decisions, too – what if James was _wrong?_ What if instead of talking to the people involved, he just had them against him for all of time? Didn’t it make more sense to decode what his heart was saying?

But after four days of hearing his heart say nothing that wasn’t a flutter of dread, he gave up. He wasn’t being able to make sense of what he wanted, what he needed, who he should speak to, or what he should do. He had never been much for romance – it was something to do when he had time off. He had only ever enjoyed dating Marlene, somewhat, and that was because she was more like him than any other girl he knew.

June was not Marlene. June was small, and shy, and sarcastic, and she blushed all the time. She always had her bangs in her eyes, and always looked like she was trying to disappear from this world entirely. She was funny but she didn’t try, she made brownies when she was sad, she smiled and became conscious of it afterward. She sometimes tried to be brave, but she wasn’t very certain she was good at it. She was his friend.

But she wasn’t his reader either. His reader was thoughtful, she was sharp, analytical, and clever. She knew so much about writing, she had read practically every book on the planet, and she was cautious about how much she shared about herself. She was reserved, and he could read every moment that was written into the curves of her handwriting.

God, he sounded like a sap. And one of them was sitting in front of him, painfully unaware of his existence. He didn’t _do_ romance, or love, or _Pride and Prejudice_ at all well – but the one thing he felt like he had a handle on was friendship. June was his friend. She deserved an explanation.

He wasn’t someone who really thought about his words. It was a mistake – this was one time he should have really thought about it before going into the bullfight. He wrote a note to his reader and left the book where he always did. The day passed with him avoiding looking at her – ignoring the slightly tired expression on her face.

“June?” he asked tentatively.

She looked up. She wasn’t smiling – her eyes looked strangely puffy. He swallowed.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.”

“What’s up?”

“Can I sit?” he asked.

She nodded, but he noted the split second of hesitation. He nudged her legs to the side, and she immediately folded them under her. He sat down carefully.

“I’m… sorry,” he said.

She waited. He balled his hands into fists and looked at the floor.

“I’m sorry I kissed you during the party last time,” he said. “I’m very confused right now, in my head, and I really don’t know what made me.”

“‘ _Made_ you’?” she asked.

He rubbed the back of his neck, oblivious. He was focussing on the fraying edge of a couch cushion, avoiding looking at her entirely. “I didn’t mean to, really. I mean – I have the book reader, and I’m not saying she’s perfect or anything, since I don’t actually know her and I know you. Plus, she’s been… distant for me, lately. I might have been lonely, I don’t know –”

Her lips were a thin line. “‘Lonely’?” she repeated.

“I don’t know,” continued Sirius, still oblivious. He wrung his hands for a second, nearly bruising one of them in the process. “I need to sort out my head. I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright,” she said coldly.

Something about her tone was off. He looked up. “You seem angry.”

“I wonder why,” she snapped, shutting her book. “Have a good evening, Black.”

And she was gone, leaving Sirius even more confused. He watched her sashay to the dormitory and cursed under his breath. “Women,” he said, immediately regretting it. It felt uncharitable and wrong, especially since he had a bad feeling he had messed up this conversation in some way, shape or form.

* * *

Fantastically, it took a whole night for him to find out what was wrong. In a turn of events he had not been expecting, the book he had left on his table with the note he had written was gone – with no replacement. His heart sunk, but he felt confident that the reader was only contemplating what he had written in the note.

Lily filled him in. She found him at breakfast, when he sat down next to her not knowing that she was on the warpath. She began with no preamble, “What the _fuck_ did you say to her, Sirius?”

“Good morning to you too, Evans,” he said, still sleepy. It was bizarrely early, since James’ Quidditch practice had been the one to wake him.

“Did you actually say you kissed her because you were lonely for someone else?” she demanded, her toast abandoned on the table and leaned forward, almost as if she was cornering him.

Sirius blinked. “I didn’t – I didn’t mean it that way – I mean – that’s a deliberate misconstruction!”

“It doesn’t seem like a misconstruction,” said Lily severely. “She gave a word-for-word dictation of your conversation.”

“Do girls just discuss _everything?”_ he replied, defensive. “ _And_ remember everything?”

“Now is not the time for that sort of thing,” said Lily, taking her arm away from the table, only to jab him on the shoulder with it. “Fix this!” she added, allowing her fork to clatter on her plate. With that, she flounced away, and Sirius was left to contemplate the general state of womankind.

With the directive of fixing this, Sirius went to find James to figure out just where he went wrong. Unfortunately, James, with new insight into women thanks to his budding friendship with Lily, actually elaborated very carefully what he had done wrong. But it wasn’t the only thing he had gotten wrong that day. As it turned out, he really ought to have done a sensitivity read on the note he wrote for his reader.

* * *

When she had woken up the next morning, her only plan had been to avoid Sirius Black. She had no idea how to do it – but she knew one thing: if there was one thing she was good at, it was being invisible. She could slip by most people without anyone noticing. Once out of the common room, she dashed downstairs, near the kitchens, and waited for Sarah. Absolutely no one noticed June when she didn’t want to be noticed. Even Sarah – yawning and coming out of the Hufflepuff common room, didn’t pick up on the fact that June was sitting on the floor near her common room, reading.

June scrambled up. “Sarah!” she called.

“Oh – Williams!” started Sarah. “What are you doing down here?”

“I need – I need your help,” it came out in a rush.

Sarah frowned. “What’s up?”

“Look – Sirius – I’m-”

June took a breath.

“You’re scaring me, June,” said Sarah.

“He kissed me!” she burst out.

Sarah’s eyes widened, and then narrowed. “Come here –” she said, dragging her to the kitchens.

June allowed herself to be guided. Sarah steered her into the kitchen, took a small table in the corner while the house elves swarmed them with food. She asked for a good breakfast, and two plates of pancakes with assorted toppings had already presented themselves.

“Start talking,” said Sarah.

June took a deep, deep breath. “Last week. During the party.”

“Oh, nice of you to tell me!” exclaimed Sarah.

“I’ll apologise later,” said June, frustrated. “I promise! I’ll even take you out to get the new Mills and Boon next week or something. What do I do _now_?”

Sarah frowned. “Was he drunk?”

“Drunk enough to be questionable. Not drunk enough to be out of his mind.”

“Fuck, that’s a mixed signal.”

“I _know_.”

“So, how was it?”

Sarah was smiling. June wanted the earth to open up again, something that she had given up wishing on. She pushed her pancakes away and buried her head in her arms. “Wonderful!” she said in a muffled voice.

“Was he really good?”

She nodded into her arms.

“I always figured boys were not as good at kissing,” mused Sarah. “But then I’ve only ever kissed girls. Dawn wasn’t very good at it either.”

June lifted her head up from her arms. “Practice makes perfect?”

Sarah laughed, and laughed, and laughed. “ _Up,_ Williams. Tell me everything!”

June got up. “Well – right after he kissed me, he apologised.”

Sarah blinked. “For what?”

“Christ, who knows?” said June, knowing very well that she was using the Lord’s name in vain. The moment deserved it.

“Oh, Merlin.”

“I know.”

“Maybe he meant it in a good way…” Sarah said helpfully.

“Yes, it’s always a good sign when a boy kisses you and says he’s sorry,” responded June, her voice flat.

Sarah grinned.

“Well – then what? What did you say to him?”

“I didn’t say anything,” said June. “He said everything that had to be said.”

June told her of everything that had been said last night – of her anger, of her inability to look him in the eye, of her anger, and how she’d cried a few times. Sarah’s grin dropped and her face looked grimmer and grimmer as she continued. “Black,” she murmured under her breath – and it wasn’t in praise of _anything_. June continued her story by telling Sarah of how she had escaped from the Gryffindor common room, and arrived here. Finally, she finished it off with showing her the note she had received shortly after the conversation between herself and Sirius:

Dear Reader, 

I’m sorry I am returning this book to you without reading it, but I would like to know – to know if you would like to meet me. I have… liked you, for a while now. I don’t know if you feel the same way, which is why I think it would be good if we met. I’m a little confused at the moment, and I would really like to meet you. 

\-  S 

“What do you need?” asked Sarah, her face a mask of emotions. “Should I truss him up like a chicken?”

“No!” exclaimed June.

“So – what are you going to do when you talk to him?”

“I’m not talking to him,” said June firmly. “I am not meeting this demanding man who is willingly confessing to having kissed me because he was _lonely._ I have made the executive decision to avoid this problem by not dealing with it. I am taking off. Perhaps Hagrid will let me be his assistant. I can be a groundskeeper.”

“June, you hate a change in the weather, let alone taking care of the grounds,” said Sarah. “Don’t be a coward. Come on, you have it in you.”

“No, no I do not!” said June, standing up in an expression of her indignation. “I am a coward, I do not have an ounce of courage in me, I was misplaced in Gryffindor, and you can’t make me face my problems. I’m taking off to the highlands.”

“We’re already in Scotland,” Sarah pointed out.

“ _Higher_ lands.”

“June, _come_ –”

“No!” said June. “You _cannot_ make me talk to him. Either you assist me in running away from my life, help me change my name, and disappear into the mountains, or you are no longer my friend.”

Sarah cursed under her breath. “Finish your breakfast,” she said. “Then we have to figure out a way to get you out of your classes. You’d better pack food, Black will be looking to see me deliver you a meal.”

“Thank you,” said June with some shreds of dignity.

She scarfed down her food, even as she calculated in her head how long she could avoid him. It was Thursday, so if she could avoid two days of classes, she would make it to the weekend. After that, she’d decide whether or not she was running for the hills or staying in and using the passage of time to have this incident entirely forgotten.

She had had the good sense to take some of her favourite books in her bag. When she and Sarah finished breakfast, they ransacked the kitchen to pack a variety of foods. June took chicken sandwiches, a slab of cake, some crisps, a large bowl of chips, and a bundle of fried chicken drumsticks. Once done, they went upstairs to think of a way to avoid Sirius Black (“maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing and fake an illness.” “Madame Roberts will see through that without thinking twice.”). Unfortunately, while they were near the Transfiguration classrooms - June spotted him. They were nowhere near the Great Hall – but the boy seemed to be stalking the corridors, seeking her out – a bit like a hunting dog. It was lucky it was so crowded.

Sarah gripped her elbow hard. He was in the corner of the corridor, far away from them, a crowd of students in between.

Sarah dragged her and June scarpered behind.

They shot down the corridor, hopping between people (“excuse me – pardon, sorry – oh fuck _off_ Bobby Jones!”). Sirius seemed to have noticed something, because he advanced towards them – hidden though they were by many students.

Sarah held her by the elbow again, and shoved her into a classroom somewhere. “I’ll head him off,” she hissed. “You go in.” She took off, slamming the door behind her.

June panted against the frame.

“Miss Williams?”

_Fuck._

“Professor McGonagall,” said June, patting down her hair in a desperate attempt to look less like she was escaping to higher lands. “I’m – you – they – I mean –”

“Conduct yourself with some alacrity, Williams,” she said severely. “And it isn’t Transfiguration yet. Please leave so that I can prepare for my next class.” She lifted her wand arm – presumably to open the door -

“No!” shouted June.

“I’m _sorry_?” said Professor McGonagall, indignant. “Miss Will –”

“Professor McGonagall, you don’t understand!” June exploded. The words were spilling out of her before she could control them, and they seemed to have no regard for how rattled she already was. “There is a boy! Who is determined, and is closing in on me even as we _speak._ If I can’t avoid him during class today, I’ll be doomed to spend the rest of my life sorting out his issues – and do you _know_ how many issues he has? He ran _away_ from home – no boy who ran away from home is exactly correct in their head, as I’m sure you know. Is that what you want from me? To deal with the fact that _he_ kissed me, and _he_ seemed convinced he wanted nothing to do with me – and now he suddenly wants to have a _conversation –_ what’s a girl supposed to think, Professor McGonagall? Apparently, he already said what he had to say – so _why_ is he bothering me now? _”_

June took a deep breath, her cheeks flushed red. Had she been warned that she was going to have a meltdown, she might have timed it better so that it wasn’t Professor McGonagall facing it – because _she_ was looking increasingly like she might put June in detention for the rest of the year.

McGonagall’s lips were a thin line. “Go to my office,” she said without preamble.

“Um,” said June. “Okay. Okay.” She meekly went to her office, unhappy and sure that she was going to get detention. She had never really been to McGonagall’s office with the promise of punishment. June sat down on a chair, and waited for God to deliver her.

“No, Black, she’s not here.”

Professor McGonagall’s voice carried. Instantly, June jumped out of her chair and hurried to the door. She pressed her ear to the keyhole.

“But Professor –”

“She isn’t here,” repeated Professor McGonagall. “It isn’t time for Transfiguration, so I fail to see why she would be.”

“Oh – alright –”

June let out a soft whoop of celebration. She virtuously sat back in her chair, waiting for Professor McGonagall to come back. The door opened, and in a voice that conveyed as much irritability as possible, Professor McGonagall said, “That is the last time this happens, Williams.”

June nodded so fast, she felt like her skull might pop off her spine.

“Here,” added McGonagall, handing her a note. “Give it to your friend and stay out of classes. I don’t want to see you, or hear from you. Or Black, for that matter.”

June stared at the note. It gave her permission for the day off, as she was put in an all-day detention, helping Professor McGonagall organise her files.

“Oh, Professor –”

“Just be quiet, Miss Williams. This is only for today. I expect you to have sorted out your love life by tomorrow, and be in class. Now get out of my sight.”

June took her advice, scuttling out of the room.

Sarah was waiting at one of the desks. “You were in her _office?”_ she demanded, jumping out of her chair. 

June handed Sarah the note. “Professor McGonagall is the only _real_ ally,” she said.

Sarah blinked when she read the note. Shock was written plainly on her face. “Oh, fuck, this makes it easy. I’ll manage telling the profs you’re gone – where will you hide?”

“The dormitory is out of the question,” said June. “Unlike Professor McGonagall, all of those sneaks will out me in a second.”

“Astronomy tower?”

“Owlery?”

“Hagrid’s.”

“The forest.”

“I need somewhere comfortable,” said June. “All of these places don’t have – I don’t know, a bed, or whatever.”

“You can’t have everything, June,” said Sarah. “You’re on the run, remember?”

“Oh – I know,” said June. “You know that large unused classroom in the North Tower is? You have to pass by Sir Cadogan’s portrait to get there.”

“Oh, _yes!”_ said Sarah. “It’s really high up, and nobody ever thinks of it. _I’ve_ never thought of it.”

“Exactly!”

“God knows what that classroom is going to be used for.”

“Not the problem right now, Sarah.”

“Love has made you bitchy,” sniffed Sarah.

June blanched. “I’m not in love!”

“You’re right,” said Sarah. “Going on the run by hiding in an abandoned classroom in the North Tower – braving the mad Sir Cadogan in the process – is behaviour that sane people, not in love, undertake.”

“You’ve never been sane a day in your life,” muttered June. “One last thing! I need you to leave this on his bedside table.”

Sarah stared at the thing June had given her. “You’re sure about this?” she asked.

“Positive,” said June. “The password for the Gryffindor common room is _Applefresh._ No one should be in the sixth year boy’s dormitory during the fifth period. I checked.”

“How did you –”

“I’m observant, remember?”

“Remind me never to cross you.”

June flashed a toothy grin. “Here’s a map,” she added. She explained the instructions to Sarah. “You can do this?”

“I’ve actually… been to your common room,” said Sarah. “Never seen your boys’ dormitory though, but I can find it. Won’t be a problem.”

“Why have you –”

“Bye!” waved Sarah.

June huffed, but Sarah had disappeared. The corridor outside was not empty. She had to be careful – she blended well, but she needed something to blend _into._ She dashed off the corridor, and headed northwards. She took a few bad turns into passages that were almost certainly south (she could spot a bit of the lake from the windows), turned firmly in the opposite direction and headed onwards. Once she found Sir Cadogan, she knew she was on the right track – and kept climbing her way forward. It was a very unused tower – littered with the memories of ghosts. She had only ever come here once when she was exploring.

She clambered on and on until she reached the classroom she had been thinking off. She waved her wand, and the trapdoor opened, with a rope ladder extending downwards. She crawled upstairs – it was so, _so_ high up.

The classroom smelled musty and dirty. There were a large number of chintz armchairs and round tables dragged somewhere in the corner of the room. The first thing she did was open the curtains, allowing a lot of fresh light to enter the room. Dust wafted into the thin beams of light and disappeared again as it settled.

She dragged out one of the chairs, one of the tables, and siphoned them off of the grease and stains. Then she folded up her legs and curled into the arm chair, and pulled out her copy of _Anne of Green Gables._ All she needed was comfort reading right now.

“You were right,” she said to Anne. “You were right about Gilbert Blythe, Anne. He’s driving me spare.”

* * *

The consequences of Sirius’ actions fully hit him when he arrived at his dormitory in the evening: his copy of _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_ was lying on his bedside table, as if it had never left him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to be a wild ride from this point forward. And of course, honourable mentions to fanfic cliches I used:
> 
> The authority figure helping the OC get away from the love interest is a less utilised trope, but I love it wholeheartedly. I think I saw it being used in a very similar way in Commentarius by BC Daily.
> 
> And of course, we love a misunderstanding! That's key. We love to see it!
> 
> Do review everyone!


	21. A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration by Emeric Switch II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am back on schedule, thank god. I hope I can keep it up, but I know I have mixed feelings about a chapter that's coming up. Let's see whether it works.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for being so patient with me. I am glad you guys are liking the story so far. And again, I am everyday grateful to my beta junieyes.

He stared at the fire.

Remus and Peter were sitting on his right. He pretended not to notice all the nervous glances between James and the others.

June was missing all day. She didn't come for classes, she didn't attend anything. Sirius had turned up for everything hoping she would, too, but even he had given up around fifth period. She wasn't even in the dormitory. When he returned to the common room that evening, he had checked the map for all the usual places, scanned Hagrid's, the Astronomy Tower, and the grounds. Peter was bent over it now, engaged in the same pursuit. They'd seen Sarah Freegood in a corner of the library, but no sign of June. She'd found a good corner to hide in, wherever it was. Lily said she had no idea where she was, and Marlene told him straightforwardly that he'd fucked up. Mary was a little kinder, but that was just her prerogative.

On the other hand – he had no idea how to find his reader.

Lily entered the common room with her friends. She hesitated before making her way to James, sitting down next to Sirius. There was a quiet sort of consolation in the way Marlene and Mary sat down on the carpet, in how Lily pretended to not be paying attention to him.

This was… not fun. He had been confused and muddled, and he'd messed up both his relationships with the two girls he seemed to be actually interested in. There really was no proper consolation for this sort of thing – he only had all of his thoughts and nothing to sort them through with.

He was bent over, really feeling terrible. He knew Evans was looking at him with some pity. He didn't have it in him to tell her to fuck off, not when she was sitting next to him, not saying anything. Mary Macdonald and Marlene McKinnon weren't speaking either, but he suspected that it was because Evans had commanded them very strongly not to say a thing.

"I'm sorry, mate," said James, and he sounded both matter-of-fact and sincere.

"What's the matter, though?" asked Marlene. She had held back for as long as Evans could make her.

"Oh – that – that girl that Sirius was exchanging books with?" Peter said. "She just returned his book to him. The – the first one that got misplaced in the mishap."

"I don't – I don't understand," said Mary, exchanging a look with Mary.

"I got her copy of _Pride and Prejudice,_ she got my _Guide to Advanced Transfiguration,"_ said Sirius, his voice rasping. "She didn't return my book – she just kept giving me other books. She's given me _my_ book back. No more book exchange."

There was a silence.

"That's funny," said Mary Macdonald with a frown. "Didn't June have someone else's copy of _Advanced Transfiguration_ in the beginning of the year?"

A beat.

Slowly, almost menacingly, everyone's eyes slid to Mary. "What?" she said, instantly nervous.

"What did you say?" asked Remus, his voice soft.

"I – um – I think June had someone else's copy of _A Guide to_ _Advanced Transfiguration?"_ said Mary timidly. "I mean – she said something about it when she sat with me, and I told her it wasn't the time to look for the person, so we focussed on the lesson."

Sirius was staring at her. His mouth opened and closed, and then opened and closed again, before finally, "And you never had the good sense to say something?"

"I didn't know you were missing a transfiguration textbook!" said Mary, defensive. "You never told us! You only said you had a copy of _Pride and Prejudice."_

" _Fuck,"_ said Sirius, with feeling, jumping up to his feet. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_ It was _her? Her?_ His reader? _June?_ No _fucking_ wonder -

"Wait!" commanded James. "How are you certain it's her, Padfoot? I've never seen her reading anything that isn't classwork."

"Come to think of it," said Lily, a look of dawning realisation on her face, "Why did I not think of her before? All she _does_ is read. She has so many books in the bottom of her bed, it's insane."

"Fuck – you're right," said Marlene. "But she's not been reading as much lately."

"That's more damning," said Remus. "If she had continued reading all the same titles, it might have actually aroused suspicion. She probably stopped reading in broad view because she knew you were looking for her."

"Oh my _god,"_ groaned Sirius, his face in his palms. "You _room_ with her – how did you not think of her?"

"You're _friends_ with her," said Marlene defensively.

"This is _nobody's_ fault," Remus cut in. "She blends easily, Sirius, you know this."

"And she's changed her desks," added Marlene, with more revelations blossoming. "She doesn't sit next to any of us anymore. She didn't want anyone to be reminded of her handwriting. Oh, that _sly_ little minx."

"But she always sits with Sarah Freegood!" said Lily. "I thought they had become _friends,_ that's why I didn't say anything about that."

"I will bet you all of my birthday galleons that Sarah Freegood already fucking knows _everything,"_ said Marlene.

"Plus," said Mary quietly. "Remember Jobber and Knoll, Marlene? How Sarah Freegood accosted you out of nowhere?"

"Oh _god,"_ Marlene complained. "Oh _God._ She must have been covering for Williams."

Peter tugged at Sirius' sleeve. "I found her!" he hissed to him alone. "Blimey – she's in the North Tower. No wonder you couldn't find her, Sirius – she's holed herself up at the top, and _no one_ thinks of that tower."

"I'm going –" said Sirius abruptly. He mussed his hair, ready to be off and hunt down this _idiot_ before she could starve herself in the North Tower.

"Where?" asked James.

"I don't know. Wormtail – you said Freegood was in the library?"

Peter nodded.

"I'll find her first. I'd better confirm my suspicions before I hunt her down. Wish me luck!"

"Luck!" yelled Lily as he disappeared from the portrait hole.

James looked at her crossly.

"What?" demanded Lily. "He _needs_ it."

"And when I needed it two days ago in Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff, suddenly it wasn't your job to hand out luck to others," he said, folding his arms in a huff.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," said Lily, getting up. "I'm going upstairs. Essays to finish." She swooped down to James, kissing him swiftly on the cheek. "Luck," she said, her voice neutral.

Her hair danced as she disappeared upstairs. James couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Bring a pan, Mary," said Marlene dryly. "I'm going to make an omelette on Potter's face."

"Shut up, McKinnon," said James. But his cheeks were still red, and his heart was still beating a little too fast.

* * *

It was late when Sirius headed out to hunt for Freegood. It wasn't time for curfew, so he was speeding through the corridors. He knew that Freegood would be in the library – it was just the sort of thing she'd be doing without Williams.

Evans' wish of luck _must_ have worked, because he found her. He collapsed on the chair opposite her with no ceremony whatsoever, and she looked at him, unimpressed.

"I already told you," she began. "I'm not saying a word."

"It's a good thing I don't want to know where she is. I need other information. Right now."

"Or what, you're going to threaten me hamhandedly?" she sneered.

" _Dammit,_ Freegood –"

_"Shh!"_

Irma Pince blinked at them angrily from behind a few shelves.

"Apologies, Madame Pince!" he hissed. Then, he turned to Sarah again. "You come with me," he demanded.

They crossed shelves and shelves of books, heading into the corner where he spent most of his time with Williams.

"What?" questioned Sarah immediately, crossing her arms.

"Was she the one sending me the books?"

"What are you–"

"You'd better be straight with me, Freegood."

"I am not telling you anything until you explain, _and_ you tell me all your intentions."

Black ran a hand through his long hair. "Fucking _Merlin._ Alright. Fine, since you're such a fucking hag. Your friend – I like being around her, I like listening to her jabber, I like her smile, I like her eyes. I snogged her at the party – I want to do it again. I know she's the one writing to me all this time – fucking convenient that the two girls I wanted to kiss are the same person. Are you satisfied?"

Sarah's eyes were wide. She blinked once, blinked twice.

"Are you satisfied?" repeated Sirius, through gritted teeth.

"She's in the North Tower," said Sarah dismissively. "And yes, she has been the one engaging in your book club. _Don't_ think your speech convinced me. I'm tired of enabling her capacity to run into the highlands and change her name to escape you."

"Thank- hang on. What highlands? We're already in Scotland."

" _Higher_ lands," said Sarah with a roll of her eyes. "Don't _ask,_ Black. This is the girl you want to snog."

"Believe me, I've had second thoughts," said Sirius, getting ready to run out. "Top of the tower, isn't it?"

"There's apparently a trapdoor. I'm sending her an owl to tell her I'm coming to visit. She shouldn't be too surprised to have the thing open, then."

"You're a national resource," said Sirius. "Bye!" he said, and dashed off.

* * *

Sirius would have been furious to know that June's day went fantastically well. She spent most of her time curled up in the armchair, finished all of next week's homework, and reread _Anne of Green Gables._ She had crisps intermittently, and sandwiches for lunch. She saved the drumsticks for dinner, along with the chips. Sarah sent her an owl sometime during lunch, asking her if she was okay, and June sent one back promising that she was blissful, and she had no intention of leaving until tomorrow morning. Sarah disapproved, but didn't say no – which June took as tacit compliance. She then promptly conjured herself a blanket and pillows, made herself a bed in the chair, shut the windows, and started a fire in the old grate to warm the room. The moonlight peeped from the windows – everything was almost surreal.

It was late – well, later – when she got another note from Sarah's owl – one that said she was coming to visit. All by herself, June had become a little lonely – a circumstance that filled with some wonder. She had never felt lonely before this.

June waited. She still had some of her cake left, but she had polished off most of the other food. The trap door opened slightly. She took a deep breath and hopped off her armchair.

"About _time,"_ she said, dragging the trap door open. "What took you-"

Sirius Black looked at her, in all the moonlit glory of the North Tower.

June kicked the trapdoor shut and folded her arms. "How did you find me?"

"You aren't _invisible,_ Williams –"

"It was Sarah, wasn't it?"

"Not really, but she helped."

June stomped her foot. "Merlin help me, I am going to make her regret being born. And I thought Lily would be the sneak."

"Evans knew where you were?"

"No," said June. "But she's very cluey. She would have found me – I think."

"Oh. Yeah, probably. Evans can be a real bee in the bonnet."

"What do you want, Sirius?"

He frowned at her, and she was immediately uneasy. It wasn't one of his usual frowns – she had the strongest sensation of not really being on solid ground. June became very suddenly aware that he was taller than her. She was small by most standards – shorter than someone like Peter Pettigrew. The top of her head barely tickled his chin. He wasn't advancing on her or anything, but he tied his hair back with a hair tie.

"You tell me, Williams."

"I suspect you're here to tell me one more time that you _don't_ actually want anything with me –"

He took a step forward. She took one back.

"Guess again."

She swallowed. "You're here to annoy me about something your _reader_ said –"

He took another step forward, shoving his hands into his pockets. She took another step back.

"You're playing with me, Williams."

"I am _not –"_ she took a breath. He rubbed the back of his neck and stepped forward again. Automatically, she stepped back. Her back hit the wall.

"Macdonald said something _very_ interesting a while back."

"Did she?" asked June. She wished her voice didn't sound so breathy and frazzled.

"Apparently, you had a copy of _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_ that wasn't yours?"

"Oh – well, that's. That's interesting."

"Isn't it?" he drawled.

The silence was long, and the moonlight was far away. June's corner was dark, she was looking up at the most handsome boy of Hogwarts' face, and she couldn't even appreciate the fact that he had that _look_ in his eye again.

She hesitated, met his eyes. He stared back down. Grey met yellow.

"Sirius –"

He kissed her. She had been expecting him to be gentle, but this time there was an urgency – his lips fit hers, his teeth were gliding on her bottom lip, she could feel his hand touch her waist, bringing her closer. Involuntarily, her arms wrapped around his neck, her body balanced on her toes, her breathing hitched. His other hand spread across her hip, and with a squeak, she found herself on her toes. He was holding her up with nothing more than whatever his upper body strength was, which June could not _believe_ was this strong.

He stopped to look at her again. Her feet were still off the floor.

"Sirius, I –"

His lips were on hers again.

"Siri-mmf."

"Why didn't you say _anything?"_ he demanded, between breaths.

If he intended her to answer, he sure had a strange way of showing it. What was she supposed to say when she was being thoroughly snogged?

Sensing that she couldn't exactly say anything with his tongue down her throat, he stopped.

"Could you – could you put me down?" asked June in a daze.

He grinned, in that awful, arrogant way of his – and put her down. She held him by the elbows to regain balance.

"Hi," she said.

"Hello."

"Um. I understand you made some inquiries?"

His grin was even more arrogant. "I did."

"To clarify," said June, her formality somewhat undercut by the fact that she was still holding him by his elbows for support; "I didn't say anything because I did not know how. I was blindsided by our real friendship as much as I was by our correspondence. And after your poorly worded responses to both, I thought it was in the best interest of both parties for us to withdraw all semblance of closeness."

God help her, she sounded like she'd swallowed a dictionary. This was a new side to her she had not been expecting.

"You're turning me on, Williams."

She blushed pink. "Um – I – erm, that is – er – oh _fuck_ off."

"See, now I think you're doing it deliberately."

She pushed his chest ineffectually. She bit her lip.

"Why did you – which one of me did you like?"

It was asked with a lot of trepidation. His eyes were analysing her again.

"I liked _you,_ Williams. Whether that came with fudge or the history of print now seems immaterial."

"Then why were you so confused?"

"Because the real you happened. And the magical you could not always compare. It's a good fucking thing you're the same person."

She blinked.

"You mean that?"

He nodded.

"I – so – so _now…"_

He smiled slowly. "You should head to your dormitory."

"Right," she nodded. "But also -?"

"We have transfiguration tomorrow, first thing."

"Of course. But Sirius –"

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

Her shoulders slumped. "Okay."

She headed to the chair and began packing her stuff.

"What were you reading?"

" _Anne of Green Gables,"_ she said thoughtlessly, stuffing the book in her bag.

He held her wrist, and she looked at him again. "Most ardently, isn't it?" he asked with a gleam of his eye. "You free for Hogsmeade next weekend?"

"I – I suppose – I _think_ –"

"I'll pick you up in the morning?"

"Um – I – Okay…?"

"Fantastic," he said. He swooped down and kissed her soundly. June nearly fell off her balance and into the chair. "See you tomorrow!"

He floated out. June stared at the trapdoor.

"What the _fuck_ ," said June to the room at large.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you guys SUNDAY!
> 
> Honourable mentions for tropes I used: I think all of us read The Line Between Hate, Love, and Womanly Pride by Elliebaby once upon a time - and the kissing high up in castle towers, in an abandoned and moonlit setting was something that really had my heart beating back in the day. This scene is genuinely a homage to that story, it gave me such joy to read it. Even June's semi-formal speech is a homage to her OC Rose Logan's short speech, but I'll talk about that more later.
> 
> As for why I chose to put them in North Tower - I figured North Tower would be abandoned since canonically speaking, Dumbledore only hires a divination professor after Trelawney makes the fateful prophecy. I didn't want to stick June in the Room of Requirement, even though it would possibly be smarter - since it doesn't show up on the Marauder's Map, but I chose not to because I liked the setting of the North Tower more, and because (I know canon is the least of anyone's concerns) - but from what I remembered, when Neville used the Room of Requirement to get away from the Carrows they had a near impossible time finding the door again. I wasn't sure if Sirius would have been able to figure it out, or even if Sarah would have known how to? I don't know, I did try to write myself out of that technicality, but I worry that it might be a touch sloppy.


	22. The Odes of John Keats edited by Helen Vendler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm living for all your comments, they've been so entertaining. I'm also glad no one found the north tower too sloppy a setting and everyone had a good time?? We are vibing my friends. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your reviews, as always. Thank you to my beta again, she's worked on this despite being sick??? WE LOVE A QUEEN! 
> 
> Lastly, there's an error in this chapter title in that the works of Keats as edited by Helen Vendler didn't come out until 1981, around five years after the setting of this story. I'm really hoping you guys will let it slide, since I really like Keats and I could not find a pdf of an edition before or during 1975. All the other chapter titles are of books that were prior to 1975, with the exception of the spell books because Rowling is a hack who can't do worldbuilding with any sense of time in place and the wizarding world seems to exist in stasis. But anyway, just pretend the book existed five years prior for no good reason and we will pay no attention to the butterfly effect.

She stared moodily at her plate.

It was early. She had piled her plate with sausages and toast, but her heart wasn't in it. Every time she heard someone entering the Great Hall, she jumped. Anything could set her off: footsteps, chattering noises, anything.

This time a large crowd entered the great hall. June scanned the crowd for a second before she was satisfied that the person she was dreading wasn't there.

There was someone she _did_ want to see heading towards her. Sarah scurried towards her, her carroty red hair braided loosely.

"Hey!" she said, sitting down at the Gryffindor table. "So, Black –"

"I," declared June. "Am not speaking to you, you traitor."

"Oh come on, June," said Sarah placatingly.

"No! Why on earth did you tell him where I was?"

"I honestly have a strong feeling he already knew," said Sarah. "Because he didn't really ask for your location. Just a confirmation of his suspicions."

June glared. "It was Mary. I'm going to have to kill her, and you have to help me."

"How the fuck did _Macdonald_ know?" said Sarah. "Not that I have anything against her, but she's not exactly the brightest bulb in the lot. I would know."

June had no idea how Sarah would know, but she moved past that, clutching her fork tightly. "I forgot about it entirely, but when I first found the wrong _Advanced Transfiguration_ in my bag, Mary was sitting next to me. And she told me to go find the owner some other time."

"Now who's fault is that, Williams?" asked Sarah in her let's-all-be-reasonable voice.

"Still yours," said June. "If you had been friends with me from before you would have been sitting next to me."

Sarah's lips twitched. "You're avoiding the main thing," she said. "What did he say when he found you?"

June blanched. She rolled a sausage from one side of her plate to another with her fork.

"June?"

Still nothing.

"June, you'd better –"

"He kissed me!" she burst out.

A few people sitting nearby looked at them. Sarah grinned at them apologetically and turned back to June.

"I got that, Williams, you needn't _scream_ it…"

"I'm sorry," said June, her voice close to a sob.

"Nevermind. So he kissed you."

She nodded.

"That's _good,_ right," said Sarah, really trying to cheer her up. "He wasn't drunk or anything. That's not a mixed signal."

Again, she nodded, then swallowed.

How could she explain this to Sarah?

"What's the problem, June?"

"I think he asked me out," said June, her voice a slip of a sound. She hadn't meant to say that – she had meant to tell Sarah how scared she was, and how nervous she was – and how until it was romance from the sidelines, it was _manageable._ Writing letters seemed infinitely more manageable compared to actually talking to Sirius, confirming whether or not they were going on a date, figuring out what to wear, and, and, and -

Sarah blinked. "Hogsmeade?" she asked.

June nodded. "I mean – he didn't – he sort of told me he'd pick me up for the weekend in the morning. He didn't clarify –"

"I think we can safely say he asked you out."

"I know," said June, her voice still quivering.

"You're not making sense right now, Williams."

"I've… never dated before."

There. She'd said it. Not everything, but some of it. She _wished_ she didn't go red in the face at the drop of a hat; Sarah might think was _embarrassed_ or something. Not for the first time she regretted the business of making friends – it had required a lot of learning, and she wasn't certain she was good at it to begin with. Romance was all that with even more steps – and she was supposed to try it for the first time with someone who had a new girlfriend every year? Mary give her strength.

Sarah laced her fingers and put her hands in front of her.

"I know – but it's alright, right?"

"No, and you know it's not," snapped June. "You're probably the only person who understands. You don't just go from not dating _anyone_ to dating Sirius Black. That's a recipe for disaster."

"Oh, come on, Williams –"

"How would you feel if you had a date with Lily Evans tomorrow?"

"You and I both know that James Potter would be a bigger worry in _that_ case –" teased Sarah.

"Sarah!" said June, indignant.

"Alright, alright. I would be unbelievably stressed. And very panicky, because I don't know whether Evans is a lesbian, so what is she doing this _for –"_

"Oh, for crying out loud," sighed June, turning back to her plate.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look, it's just _one_ date," said Sarah, finally looking at her own plate.

"With Sirius Black."

"With… Sirius Black," she paused in the middle of serving herself scrambled eggs. "Alright, I'll admit this is bad."

"Yes!" exclaimed June.

"But he _likes_ you –"

"He likes _many_ people –"

"You know that's a flimsy argument, June."

June sighed. "I know. He's not – I'm so nervous, Sarah. I can't tell you how many times I've broken into goosebumps at the _thought_ of Hogsmeade now. I can't fully express how nervous I am. I'm panicking over something that hasn't happened, either – and how do I even know he meant it to be a date?"

Just then a large troupe of uniformed people walked in, and June jumped. They were all wearing the tell-tale red and gold of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. June sighed in relief.

"You're very nervous, aren't you?" said Sarah slowly.

"What gave it away?" asked June, miserable. They were both distracted, because that minute, James headed straight for where they were sitting.

"Morning, Williams," said James, hopping into place. "Freegood."

"Morning, Potter," said Sarah.

"What were you both talking about?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows in an obvious signal of having spoken to Sirius the _minute_ he returned from the North Tower.

"The merits and demerits of dating Lily Evans," said Sarah.

"Oh," said James, taken aback. "I – er – why?"

"I'm looking for a date, Potter," said Sarah. "For Hogsmeade."

"But why would you go with Evans? She's a girl."

Sarah's eyes gleamed dangerously.

"Oh! _Oh_ ," he said. He paused, loading his plate with eggs. "Um – please, _please_ don't ask Evans."

"Why not?" asked June.

"She'd definitely say yes to you before she says yes to me," he said, nonplussed.

"Would she?" asked June, curious. "I dunno, Potter. Your chances are stronger than ever."

"They are?" he asked, perking up as he buttered his bread. "Really? Truly?"

"Oh, fuck," said Sarah. "I can't crush his dreams."

June snickered. "You have a good chance _now,_ James. Just go on and on about _Jane Eyre._ Her pupils are dilating when she speaks to you."

"What does that mean?"

June chewed her lip, debating on whether or not she should be handing out information like this about her friends. "When you desire something, your pupils dilate."

James looked like she had just told him Christmas was coming early. "I could kiss you, Williams."

"Don't," said June primly.

"You're right, Padfoot would kill me."

June blanched.

"Be careful, Potter," said Sarah, taking a sip of her orange juice. "She'll have your hide if you mention that."

"Why?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"She's fucking nervous," said Sarah. An owl dropped a newspaper near Sarah. She handed him some sickles, and unfurled the paper.

"You're nervous?" asked James. "But why? He really likes you."

She _really_ wished James hadn't said that. Now she felt like turning to stone.

Momentarily distracted by James, she looked at her plate again. If someone had told her this is how her sixth year in Hogwarts would have gone, she'd have had a coronary. She was having a coronary this minute, even if everyone else seemed oblivious to it. Sarah began slowly spooning some eggs from her own plate. So preoccupied was June that she forgot to check for the one thing she had been dreading all this while.

Sirius Black entered the Great Hall, along with Marlene and Lily. All three of them were coming to where June was sitting, and no one but Sarah had noticed.

She raised her eyebrows when Sirius stood directly behind June. He motioned her to keep quiet. Marlene, standing behind Sarah, rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything. Lily was suppressing a smile.

Sirius sat down next to June, and she jumped. Before she could say anything, he pecked her on the cheek.

Marlene bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing. "Morning, everyone," said Sirius.

June's face might have been on fire, because no one _said_ anything to her. Yet, they were all grinning like it was her birthday and they had planned a surprise.

"Budge up, Freegood," said Marlene.

Sarah made space without a word, still smiling.

"I say, pass the sausages," said Sirius. James dropped a sausage as he handed them over.

"Potter, you're eating tomato sauce with your eggs again," said Lily.

"I _like_ it, Evans."

Forks and knives clicked. Someone asked for the rolls to be passed. June, still red, felt like she wasn't going to be able to move at all.

Sarah popped over her newspaper and spooned some more of her eggs into her mouth. The corner of her newspaper swiped across Marlene's cheek.

"Freegood, why are you _here?"_ demanded Marlene, rubbing her cheek. "Do you have _no_ other friends?"

"I would hardly call you lot friends," said Sarah. The delivery was hampered by her smile.

"Take care of your actual friend," said Marlene, cutting an omelette. "She looks ready to burst."

"That's normal," reassured Sirius hurriedly.

June blinked. "It most certainly is _not."_

"Oh, _really?"_ asked Sirius, and he had a sharp twinkle in his eye.

"Loosing battle, June," said Sarah, without looking up from her newspaper.

"Yes!" said June. "I'm not always – I can operate _just fine_ under pressure."

"Prove it."

He was smirking at her, and June really couldn't take it anymore. Before she could really do anything, he kissed her. It was brief, momentary, and he barely lingered, but Sarah told her later that she had been getting redder and redder in the process, and if anything, that made June feel worse.

As soon as he did it, she clapped her hands to her mouth.

To her horror, Sirius Black was grinning away.

" _HA!"_ said Marlene, breaking the silence. June buried her face in her fingers, because a number of people were now looking at her curiously. " _Ha!"_ repeated Marlene. "That's _two,_ Lily. You and Mary are next!"

"What?" asked Lily blankly.

"Snog during breakfast!" said Marlene, waving a fork with a bit of sausage in her direction. "You are _next._ And then Mary, too."

The bit of sausage flew in James' general direction, and he picked it off the table and ate it. Lily grimaced at him, but he looked fairly shameless.

"Once again, I'd hardly call that a snog, Marlene," said Lily, ignoring James and turning to Marlene.

"For _Williams?"_ asked Marlene. "They practically _fucked,_ Lily."

" _Okay!"_ exclaimed June, getting up. Her heart was sinking so fast, it was somewhere near her stomach. "Alright! I am – I am _leaving._ I am going to go _scream_ into a pillow, and keep praying to the earth to consume me. The bitch has not done it yet, but here's hoping. I am _not_ going to see you again until I can breathe normally," she said, pointing a finger at Sirius Black. "And you are all – you are all allowed to _leave_ me the _fuck_ alone."

Another silence. Then:

"I did _not_ know she swears this much," mused Sirius.

"You are going to find out _so much_ about her, Black," said Sarah, from behind her newspaper. "She swears like a sailor."

"Really?" said Sirius, looking impressed. "Why not around me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" asked Marlene. "It turns you on."

"And she knows _that_?" asked Sirius, looking even more impressed.

"I am _leaving!"_ June all but screeched. Grabbing her bag, dropping one egg, and the rest of her dignity, she scuttled out of the Great Hall, her face red. As soon as she was out of the Hall, she leaned against the wall and breathed deeply.

Sarah swanned out, grinning. "Here," she said, dropping a book in June's hands. "He said it would make you feel better."

June glared, but she looked at the cover of the book. It was a collection of poetry by Keats.

"Honestly, I have no idea how he knew you'd like that," said Sarah.

June clutched the book. "No," she said with a frown. "I don't know either."

"You mean you've never mentioned Keats?"

June shook her head.

"Fantastic," said Sarah, still grinning. "Potions?"

She nodded, numbly.

For half a second, she turned around and thought about returning to say thank you. Sarah grabbed her wrist. "No," she said. "He said you'd want to, but you'd be late for class."

June listened. She didn't think she'd have been _able_ to anyway – she felt like she couldn't look at him right now. Her skin felt alien. What made it feel even more out of place was that Sarah was not thinking of her unease at _all._ She avoided looking at Sarah throughout their walk to the dungeons. It didn't help, though. Sarah didn't have to _say_ anything to convey what _she_ was thinking. But June _wasn't_ thinking about how nice it was to be wanted, to be dating, or to be liked by Sirius Black. One thing echoed in her head over and over, and it was something _else_ Marlene said. She didn't have the heart to face up to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The peck at the breakfast table was another element from the original! As is June's nervousness and stress, those were both things that happened in My Dear Fellow and have carried forward into this one. Don't worry everything will be resolved! 
> 
> As always, reviews are my bread and butter.


	23. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I COMPLETELY forgot to update this story even though my update day is yesterday. I am sorry! It's also a short chapter so I am double sorry. But anyway the next update is scheduled for sunday, don't worry, things are good.

She was watching Professor Flitwick studiously. Her back was ramrod straight. You'd think she flinched for a second when she heard James and Sirius enter, but it was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it flinch. 

Sirius and James enter the classroom, and they were talking about something. Sarah rolled her eyes openly.

He didn't head to their desk, but she felt him pausing for a second. He came to their desk and waved gingerly. June smiled back, although her heart did feel a little clenched up.

"What's up, Black?" said Sarah evenly, flipping through her textbook.

"All good, Freegood," responded Sirius.

And then he was gone. June took a deep breath of relief.

"You really are a piece of work, June," Sarah said irritably.

June saw from the corner of her eye as he went to his own desk, some of the girls of his fanclub surrounding him. He seemed a little cross with that kind of attention, but it wasn't enough for her to keep her heart from sinking. She knew it was her own fault for being too nervous to talk to him, but that wasn't enough for her to go talk to him.

It wasn't like the whole thing got any _easier._ Everyone and their sister seemed to want details: she was accosted in her classes, during lunch, in the corridors. Mostly by his fanclub, that wanted to know what her angle was. She could dodge these questions largely thanks to Sarah and Marlene, who seemed to be clued into the fact that this was happening, and had assigned everyone roles to stop any kind of interrogations. She was escorted from class to class by a variety of individuals – Mary, Lily, and on one memorable occasion – Peter.

"Don't ask," he mumbled. "Sirius told me that you didn't have anyone during this shift."

As babied as that made her feel, she was somewhat grateful. She didn't think she could take one more thing – and being demanded answers by second year girls would have just made the cup spill over.

Unluckily, she also found that she couldn't quite look at Sirius in the eye. It wasn't that she _wasn't_ happy – sometimes, she would remember the evening they had in North Tower, and her stomach was constantly butterflies. She knew Sarah was just being a considerate friend – but her face kept breaking out into smiles. None of this, however, expressed itself when she was _around_ him.

Within a few days, she could see he had cottoned on. She ran into him near the stairwell to the dormitories, and he smiled at her very cautiously.

"Hello," he said.

June squeaked and ran off.

When she was around Sirius Black, she was tongue tied, usually blushing, and incapable of looking at him directly. This was funny at first – but Sarah got tired of having to be the buffer between them that allowed June to look like a normal human being.

"You have to speak to him if it's bothering you this much," snapped Sarah. "You can't keep running away from this, June. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we tried having you escape to the _higher_ lands."

How could June explain just how _nervous_ he made her? They had bulldozed over it while they were becoming friends, pushed through it when they were exchanging books – but that had taken her so much _getting used to._ This was not something anyone seemed to understand – that fundamentally, she was still just _panicky_ when she thought of Sirius Black. Of being this close to someone who was very popular in the castle, someone who had hurt her.

It really didn't help that they shared so many classes, either. She could tell Sirius had been hoping that she would sit with him for _some_ of them, and she exasperated _everyone_ by not doing that. Marlene was ready to strangle her. Even Peter looked annoyed.

He looked confused at first, during one Transfiguration class. As the day progressed and she couldn't even speak to him properly, he turned from confusion to distress.

To avoid… _that…_ during Charms, she slipped away after Care of Magical Creatures. She had stuffed her _Fantastic Beasts_ into her bag, hurried away just before Sarah or Marlene could frogmarch her to Sirius. Instead, she headed to the edge of the forest. She knew where Hagrid kept the thestrals – he'd taken her there a few times. She sat on the log conveniently placed like a bench in the paddock. She had timed her arrival well – Hagrid had already left some carcasses for the herd.

It was quiet there. She saw a carcass disappear eerily as invisible mouths fed on it. She didn't mind thestrals, though. They had never caused her that much unease. They were just… invisible creatures. Like her.

She sat down on the logs. One of them approached her – she didn't really have anything to offer. She felt for his nose and hoped that she was being comforting rather than invasive. It harrumphed when it realised she had nothing to offer and walked off.

"Why did you run away?"

" _Merlin –"_

She clutched her heart and turned around. "What do you want, Lupin?"

He crossed the grass and sat down next to her.

"Why did you run away?"

She considered asking him how he knew where she was, but it felt like a lost cause. Even Sirius, somehow, always knew where to find her. Right now, however, she had more pressing matters to deal with. "What do you want me to say?" she inquired.

"The truth, ideally," said Remus evenly. He pushed the nose of a thestral away.

She sighed, running her hands through her hair. "I don't know what to tell you."

"You ought to tell me something," said Remus. "Chances are, I'd understand."

June swallowed. Her eyes travelled over his tired face.

"I feel very nervous around him," she said quietly. "I've never done this before. Friendship, dating, being around people without feeling like a shadow. He's… everything I'm not. And he's – he's – this is going to sound silly –"

"Try me."

June took a breath. "He's so _popular,_ Remus. He wasn't the best person I knew in third year, but even I could see how popular he was. He's seen so many girls. I can't… compete with that. I'm not very pretty, I'm not very smart. I'm kind of boring, really."

"You're worrying over the wrong thing," murmured Remus. "You don't have to compete with any of those girls, because he's never really liked them. If you want to use some of your pity, use it on me. I have to compete with _you."_

June chuckled. "I'm not much competition, Remus."

"You'd be surprised," said Remus. "You're the strongest contender. I'm throwing the challenge. He likes you too much."

"You didn't really try for you to throw it, though."

It was Remus' turn to chuckle. "Good point," he said. "I didn't want to. I don't want Sirius Black giving his heart to me. I wouldn't know what to do with it, what with who I am. This part… you might not understand."

She took a breath. "I… might."

He searched her. "Do you?"

She nodded. "It wasn't hard to put the pieces together. I noticed in third year."

He gave a low whistle. She hesitated on whether she should tell him more, but she decided to go ahead anyway:

"I also had… Sirius' _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration._ For four people with so many secrets, you lot sure are careless with them."

He smiled. "I bet you aren't alone, either."

"I think Lily knows," said June honestly. "She's the type to have noticed."

"Wouldn't be surprised."

The hum of the forest surrounded them. Distantly, she heard what was a squack of sound, and the clopping of hooves.

"I keep feeling like I'm going to do something _wrong,"_ June muttered.

Remus seemed to be pondering something. The sunlight fell on his sandy hair, and he examined a scar on his arm. "I hadn't ever done this before too, you know. I never expected to be able to come to Hogwarts, I had never had friends before I did, and I didn't know what to do when Sirius said he wanted to help with the transformations. I felt like I was tricking them into being good to me."

June allowed the silence to settle, wondering if she should say anything.

"I know it feels odd, especially if you haven't done it for five years – but what could you do wrong, June?" said Remus gently. "You aren't actively trying to hurt him. The only person remotely in pain is me, really. And don't worry – I'll hold you to it."

June finally laughed. "I really didn't want to," she said, trying her best to be serious. "I didn't, really. I hope it's not too hard for you."

"Yeah, I'm wracked with agony," said Remus, rolling his eyes. "It's alright, June, really. It's a crush, and I stand by what I said. I don't want Sirius Black giving his heart to me. To be honest… you've sort of made it easier. It was hard in the beginning, but I like you, and he likes you. It's not that difficult to comprehend."

She smiled. "You don't just give your heart to him, though."

Remus looked away. "No, but I don't think I did. Not yet, anyway."

"You should," nodded June. "Someday."

"And cut your chances?"

"We're in the middle of a war, you know," she said with a smile. "Not exactly where romance thrives."

"It's a good reason to try, though."

June sighed. "Unfortunately."

He grinned. He leaned forward, his palms pressing into the log. "It is lucky it's you. No one else would be the exact opposite of everything he is."

"I know," she sighed. "I have a framework for friendship. This… might take longer."

"There's no point telling me," he rolled his eyes. "Tell him."

She looked at the sky. "Everyone keeps saying that."

Remus laughed. "That's because it's true."

June thought about the copy of Keats' poetry lying on her bedside table. "Alright," she said.

"Alright?"

"Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah June's inability to look Sirius in the eye was directly lifted from the original. I don't know if the build up is done right, I do feel like this is one of my more sloppy chapters, but I didn't have the energy to edit it too much. I am sorry again, wow thats a third time, this chapter has a lot to answer for.
> 
> As always, I love reviews!


	24. Bachelor Paradise by Gloria Bevan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BACK! This chapter is in ship shape thanks to my beta, junieyes, who SQUEALED a lot, so be ready for what's coming. Okay I won't say anything else.
> 
> One side note!! I haven't actually read the book this chapter is titled after, I am sorry. I usually pick books I have read but it's hard to find a specific 70s erotica tailored to your chapter titles. Pls forgive me if what June says about this book doesn't match up.

She tried not to look like she had been thinking of what she was going to say. She stood on the bridge, overlooking the grounds. Everything looked green now – spring had come in earnest. March was around the corner. The sun had already set – everything was looking a lot more like twilight right now.

"What's up, Williams? Remus said you wanted to talk."

June swallowed, and turned to look at him. He looked grim, a little sad. She didn't like the way he was using her name.

"I – I wanted to talk to you –"

He was expressionless.

"It's just – it's just," she took a deep breath. "Look, can you turn around for a second? I promise I won't run away, but I can't look at your eyes and do this."

He looked shocked. Resigned. Heartbroken.

"I promise, _promise_ I'm not breaking up with you," added June. "I _promise._ I can't fucking break up with you in good conscience, can I? Not after I've been the worst – worst – girlfriend in the history of girlfriends – please just turn away!"

That made him smile. She was momentarily relieved, because he lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender and said, "Alright, Williams, alright."

He turned around. She turned away from him as well, and stood with her back to his.

"I just – I wanted to say that – Sirius, I'm _sorry,"_ she burst. She hid her face in her hands, despite the fact that his back was to hers. "I know I've been really bad at this, and I know I ought to just buy a few cats and call it a day – it's just that I'm so terribly _nervous_ around you!"

She couldn't see his expression, but she felt like he seemed tense. She decided her best course of action was to soldier on. "I feel so scared that I'm doing something wrong – I've not been good with friends, or being around people or being someone's – someone's _girlfriend._ You sort of barged into my life when you were becoming friends with me, but I can't – just when I had the reigns to that business I wanted to kiss you, and honestly, that made me more stressed than anything else in the world. I feel like I'm not – that I'm not – I'm not good at _kissing,_ that my skin is rough, or that my bum is flat. I don't know why I think of the last one – but it occurred to me just now – I can't compete with your experience –"

"Hey!" exclaimed Sirius, turning around. "June – come on, turn around."

"I don't want to!" said June to her hands.

"You do," he said steadily. "Come on, look at me."

June turned around reluctantly. He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look up. She'd almost forgotten how grey his eyes were – _and_ how tall he was.

"What do you mean about you doing something _wrong?"_ he asked. "Where did that come from?"

"That day – at breakfast." She took a breath. "Marlene said – she said for me, it was practically _fucking –_ I –"

"Easy, Williams."

She took another breath, but it was useless. She could feel a stinging in her throat and the tears beginning to slip from the corners of her eyes. "See, this is why I didn't want you looking at me," she murmured.

He snorted. "Oh, and you would have cried in peace with your back to mine?"

"Maybe!" she, ineffectually rubbing her eyes in a poor attempt to hide her face from someone looking at her very intently.

"Come on, June," he said. He carefully wiped her eyes himself. "Why are you crying over this? There's really nothing to cry about. Your skin is as soft as they come."

"It's all a trick," she said despondently, hiding close to his chest. "I've been using facewash like no tomorrow."

"It's a good trick," he said. "Look, June."

He held both of her hands in his, cupping them gently. "You have nothing to worry about. You aren't bad at being with me. You don't have to worry about that anyway, because I like you. And most of us don't like our bums. I don't like mine."

"You don't?" she asked, shocked. "But yours is so good! Marlene rates it a ten."

"McKinnon _has_ to rate it a ten, she went out with me," he dismissed.

"Even _so –"_

He bit his lip with laughter.

"Right," she murmured. "Not… the point."

"I like your bum."

"Um," she said. "I like yours. I wouldn't rate it a ten, but I like it."

"Ho, ho, ho, Williams –"

She laughed.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"It's alright," he said. "I'm glad you just told me. I was worried you were going to break up with me."

"I know I gave that impression," she said with a flinch. "I _am_ sorry."

They were quiet for longer. He pulled her to the railing, and they watched the world hush over the bridge. Whatever was left of twilight was fast fading into night time – the stars were muscling through the darkness. She hesitated for a minute, and then inched her hands closer and closer to his. He seemed to have gotten the hint, because he slipped his fingers into hers.

"Did I stress you out when we were becoming friends?"

June chewed her lip, trying not to look at him. "Yeah," she said honestly. "I'm not – it's just that – I've never really – look, I spent… five years in this place not being friends with anyone. Not… belonging to anyone. I don't know how to do it, not here or now, and I never really thought about what it meant for people to belong to me. At least I have some experience of friendship before Hogwarts – I don't know how to be with someone who's had all of that here. Especially not romantically. And I like you so much."

He clutched her hand tightly. This time, he avoided looking at her. "Can you be honest with me about something?"

"Yes?" she said hesitantly.

"Is it me? Specifically?"

She flinched again. "Only… only a little. Some part of me can't forget how terrifying you were to me."

He didn't respond, but a weight left June. She felt inexplicably like she had confessed to murder, like it had weighed on her that her feelings for Sirius had always had this half of them that had never ever _ever_ believed that he'd like her, because he made her so nervous.

"You're not doing anything wrong, you know," he said. "We're not… bad together. I like being around you. And you really don't have to compete with everyone else who has been with me, or with the fact that I know my way around… belonging more."

She wished she could believe it in that much.

"Okay," he said slowly. "We're not two people who are… together. We're just going on a date. Is that alright?"

She turned to him. He was looking at her very earnestly.

"I know I barged through this a little in the beginning," he said. "But I promise – I promise, this is just two people going out."

"O… kay," she said, tentative.

He smiled mischievously. "With maybe some kissing."

She blanched again, and his grin widened.

"June. Seriously," he said. "It's impossible for you to be bad at kissing."

"You don't know that," she moaned. "And I hardly have practice. I'm going to muck it up on our date by using too much of my tongue. Sarah said that Daw – er – someone she kissed does that."

"Marlene McKinnon and Sarah Freegood are making my life _increasingly_ difficult," sighed Sirius. "Alright, Williams. Time for a practice session."

"What?" squeaked June.

"You heard me," he said, making her face him. "You were afraid of mucking it up on our date, weren't you? Practice session. I won't judge you by this one. Get all your weird tongue tendencies out of your system."

She swallowed. "You promise you won't judge me by this one?"

"I promise."

"Alright."

She focussed, waiting for him to kiss her.

"You initiate, Williams," he said with a laugh.

"Well, _how?"_ she demanded. "You aren't teaching me anything."

"Oy," he murmured. He ran a hand through his hair. "I only know the boy version."

"Well, what do _you_ do?"

His hands travelled to her waist. "I hold her. Girls like being held."

"Okay," she said, her heart in her throat.

"Put your arms around me, too."

She snaked her arms around his neck. "Like this?"

"Yeah," he breathed. "You lean forward while I lean down. This is only because you are so freakishly short, Williams –"-she shoved at him ineffectually, but he laughed and kissed her on the neck, which effectively surprised her. "Try to fit to me," he said. "Match my rhythm."

She nodded, but she knew she felt terrified.

"I won't eat you," he said. "Well, only a little."

She swallowed.

She felt her heart thumping out of her throat when he leaned down and kissed her. He started slow, and she focussed. She was practicing, wasn't she? So she concentrated – she matched his rhythm, pressed into him further. Like a flash of inspiration, she remembered reading about a heroine in a bodice ripper who put her fingers near the hero's jaw, and she did the same. She traced his jawbone, felt his teeth on her bottom lip, and tried to close whatever gap was left between them.

He paused for a breath, and she searched his eyes for half a second before kissing him again, on his cheek. Her teeth scraped against his cheek a little, and she felt him gasp. Another flash of inspiration – and she bit his earlobe a little. Another gasp.

He pulled back. He was surprised, and she liked that. "What are you doing, Williams?"

"Um," she said. "Taking a risk."

She must have said the right thing, because he kissed her again. She squeaked momentarily, quickly gained her foothold again. She tried to match him again, but he seemed to be trying to make this harder for her, by being that much faster. His fingers were on her cheek, too. She forgot, for a moment that she was supposed to be practicing – but once she remembered, she dug through whatever she had read of kissing to again match him.

He stopped for a moment. "Where did you learn _that_?"

She bit her lip. "Full disclosure? You won't judge me?"

He looked at her with some amusement.

"I read bodice rippers," she said. "All of those fancy books I kept sending you? I secretly read erotica. And harlequins. With questionable consent."

He kept watching her for a moment, before bursting into laughter. "You really are a fucking delight."

"Thank you," she said with a grimace. "So – do you have somewhere to be, because I feel like I need more pract- _mmf!"_

* * *

June was happy to report that things _did_ get easier from that point forward. When she returned Sarah's copy of _Bachelor Territory_ to her, with a dreamy, "It's pretty accurate at the kissing part," she was able to actually tell her about what happened between them at the bridge. She still blushed sharply when she was teased, but she was able to handle it better.

She was no longer being assaulted for information, what with her bodyguards following her around – but it also gave her little to no time by herself. She didn't mind so much, because she knew the fanclub was on the warpath. It still felt like if she wasn't dealing with the fanclub, she _did_ have to deal with her own friends – all of whom wanted more and more details. And this was _before_ her coming date.

Some part of her was still nervous – this was territory she had only ever read about. And no matter what, the books hadn't warned her that kissing Sirius Black would feel as involving as it did. They hadn't warned her of her feelings, of what everything might end up feeling like. It blindsided her a little, made her more anxious than she ought to be feeling.

But all of that – all of that was negotiable. Her friends getting excited for her, planning out what she would wear. The fanclub. The lack of information. The nerves. Now that things were easier – now that she could imagine herself slipping her hand in his, walking through Hogsmeade and picking out things to do – everything else was negotiable. The date, her friends, what she would wear. Everything was simpler, and none of it was nearly as important as the thing itself – that he liked her, and she liked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOUR HONOUR I ADORE THE PRACTICE KISSING TROPE NO I WILL NOT APOLOGISE FOR MYSELF
> 
> Anyway pls review I love it :D


	25. The Farthest Shore by Ursula K Le Guin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop its time for the DATE im -

The door crashed open. "I found the shoes," said Sarah, panting heavily.

"Excellent," said Marlene, grabbing the shoes. "Mary, get the girl a glass of water, will you?"

Mary crossed the dormitory and handed Sarah a glass of water. She looked a little pink in the face when she did so. Sarah was impassive as she accepted the water, taking a long drink from it.

"What's she doing?" Sarah asked the others. Marlene was busy arranging the clothes, and Mary was rummaging through her things to get her makeup box out.

"Giving Lily a hard time," said Marlene. "You didn't have trouble with the boys, did you?"

"Not even a little. I think Sirius might be more nervous than _her."_

"That's impossible," groaned Mary. "She's _just_ nerves."

"We wanted to take her to the Prefect's bathroom, you know. But she looked like she might have a meltdown," said Marlene, examining her nails. "Alright, troops, time to survey the damage."

Marlene frog marched them into the bathroom, where June was sitting on a chair as Lily deftly combed her hair. "There," she was saying. "It's dry, isn't it? I didn't burn half of it off by drying it with my wand, did I?"

June might have wanted to nod, but she spotted Sarah. She gave her a miserable smile.

"Cheer up, Williams," said Sarah. "You can do this. This is the easy part."

"Now, put on your clothes," said Marlene, tossing the clothes at June. "Mind, try getting a better attitude while you're inside."

June clutched the clothes, swiftly pecked Marlene on the cheek and took to one of the shower stalls.

Marlene shook her head like a wet dog. "You know, if it wasn't Black, I'd have asked her out."

"I'll drink to that," said Sarah.

"So, where are you headed today, Sarah?" asked Lily.

"I'm sure she has plans," said Mary nervously.

"Oh, I dunno," responded Sarah. "I might go to the book store and get something new. What about you lot?"

"Why don't you come with us?" asked Lily, folding a towel. "We're going to get some lunch at Three Broomsticks. Potter and everyone will be there, I think, but I suppose we have to put up with _something."_

Sarah guffawed. "Yeah, alright," she said. "Thanks Evans."

June emerged from the bathroom. Nothing she was wearing was her own, but Mary had dismissed that with a handwave when she generously donated one of her black dresses for the cause. It was checkered with white, so Lily had handed her a short sleeved shirt to wear underneath (it had a sort of… suspenders like style and buttons down the back – which made June conscious).

"No time to waste, sweetheart," said Marlene, ushering her into a chair in front of the mirror. "Now, should we do hair up or down?"

"Down," said Lily tersely. "I found out through James that it's what he likes."

"Black is so _typical,"_ said Marlene. "Are you sure you want to go out with him?"

June chewed her lip. Slowly, she nodded.

"Suit yourself. I only hope he doesn't take you to Madame Puddifoot's," said Marlene. "Okay, Mary, do her make up. I promise we won't do much. And here – white sneakers, no heels."

June looked at Marlene gratefully. Her hair was a little past her shoulders by now, and Lily had generously clipped the split ends.

"What about if we style her bangs away from her eyes?" asked Lily.

"No, they're too short. It would look odd," said Sarah. "Just do her make up, I think. Rest of it is as good as it gets."

"Very inspiring," said June, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She felt a bit like a doll, with how much she was being fussed over.

Sarah winked at her.

"Alright – I think this is done," said Mary. "Only a light layer of makeup, as instructed. And you look lovely, June."

"Thanks," said June. "You sure?"

All of them nodded.

"You really think this is a good idea?"

All of them nodded again. "Come _on,_ Williams," said Marlene. "You're doing this for me. I've never seen Black this nervous."

June took a breath and got out of the chair. She smoothed her skirt. "Good?"

"Perfect," said Lily.

"Also – Pettigrew told me on my way up that Black's been driving them a little mad over whether he should wear his hair up or down. Please just compliment him," Sarah added smoothly, throwing a cloak in her sling bag.

"Do you guys I think I should wear my robes?"

"No," said Mary firmly. "Wear your jacket because there's a nip in the air. Now _go."_

June was shaking. Sarah handed her backpack to her. She put it on before she remembered that she had to put her jacket on first. So she took it off and put her jacket on instead.

"Oh my god," murmured Marlene. "You look lovely, Williams, come on. You can do this."

She swallowed. She looked altogether very nice – with her blue denim jacket (Marlene's) and the black dress (Mary's). She put her bag on (Lily's), and forced her shoes on (Sarah's). They watched her as she slowly walked out of the dormitory, peeking through the door to see her reach downstairs. From the stairwell, they saw Sirius come to greet her. "His hair doesn't look bad," whispered Mary.

Lily giggled. Marlene rolled her eyes. Everyone was feeling tittery. Sirius kissed June swiftly and Sarah nearly toppled off in surprise.

* * *

This time around, despite the temptation, she couldn't bring herself to hold his hand. She had a strong suspicion he found it cheesy – she had never _ever_ seen him holding hands with his other girlfriends. He wasn't much better – they'd walked to the Entrance Hall without so much as a word. Brief pleasantries had been exchanged ("You look pretty." "Thank you. So do you." This was followed by June turning such a fetching shade of scarlet, Sirius couldn't help but burst into laughter.), but they remained mostly quiet.

Then Sirius said something unexpected: "How did you know who the murderer was in _The Murder of the Orient Express?"_

June blinked. "What?"

"I mean it – I read your notes. You knew."

She surveyed him sceptically. "How do you know that wasn't a result of a reread?"

"No, I could tell," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I read your notes again and again – I could tell which thoughts happened first."

She bit the inside of her cheek. "You're worrying me, Sirius," she said with a smile.

"Come on – how did you know?" he seemed genuinely interested.

She stopped herself from laughing. "Well, I'd been reading so many of them that sometime around the last three fourths, it became clear that everything she had been writing had been too much of a coincidence. I just… put the pieces together. It's a matter of observation, you know? And inference, I suppose."

"You're saying it's a matter of practice?" he frowned. "Then why the hell did you spend all that time sending all the other books? Why not just books with murder?"

"Sirius!" she laughed.

"Saboteur," he murmured. "I should have been figuring out how murders get figured out, and here I was reading about Emma Bovary."

"You said you liked that one!" she immediately defended.

"You _inferred,"_ he said with a very questionable smirk. "I never said anything of the sort."

"Did you _not_ like _Madame Bovary?"_ asked June, stopping dead in her tracks. "You'd better tell me _now,_ because then we're going to have –"

"Oh _relax,"_ he said. "Of course I liked it."

She regarded him with some suspicion before continuing to walk.

"And anyway," he murmured. "Like I would tell you _now."_

That prompted another small fight where he had to assure her he liked _Madame Bovary._ She didn't fully believe him – but she didn't have much of a choice. They talked about all the books she had sent him on the way. He was very curious about how curated her letters had been – and she confessed she had agonised over them when she first started. She recommended a bunch of murder mysteries and promised to give him her copies of the books whenever she could. By the time they reached Hogsmeade, they had discussed all the books they'd read in detail – all of the things they had left out of their letters, all the other books they could think of.

The village looked picturesque – cobbled and pretty and welcoming spring. Easter was on its way, which meant that everything also had a bit of freshness to it.

"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand and dragging her with him. She followed him, and he didn't let go, even when they reached Jobber and Knoll.

They spent time pouring over books. June took him through the shelves and straight to the most _beautiful_ copy of _Pride and Prejudice._ "And look at all the illustrations!" she said. "I love them. I'd never buy it – I'm too attached to my Nan's, of course."

"Thank god for Sarah Williams," said Sirius. "Not to be confused with the ghoul you call a friend."

June laughed. "My Mum's mother. Sarah O'Connell."

"You're Irish, on top of everything else," he sighed. "Were you close?"

"Yes," she said. "I used to visit her a lot during my summers. She was nice to me – and I don't think she believed witchcraft was the devil's work. That was my father's family."

"Love a bit of fanaticism, don't you?"

She smiled. "In any case – you know, there's a most wonderful edition of _Ghosts_ somewhere in this store. I didn't ever send you Ibsen because I have a strong feeling you'd find it pretentious. I thought Miller was a better bet. Besides, there's something about Miller, isn't there?"

He had that look in his eye again. This time, he didn't disguise it with his half quirked smile. She felt conscious, so she tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

They went to Scrivenshaft's next. June confessed she mostly used pens – not in class, for fear of judgement – but usually, she just used pens and pencils. "They're so convenient!" she said, and shoved a bouquet of pens in his face. He batted these away valorously, and June giggled when he made it more dramatic than it needed to be.

After that Sirius held her hand again. June's heart swooped when he did it – as thoughtlessly and naturally as she had never dreamed it would be. "Lunch," he said. "And not at the Broomsticks."

They crossed the street quickly, taking a sharp turn towards the end of the street after Hogshead. He helped her down a slightly sharp rock, and she was momentarily glad she hadn't opted for heels of any sort. They rounded the corner, and a building came into view.

"The Shrieking Shack?" she asked. "Are you going to murder me?"

He didn't respond, which she found suspicious – but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He dragged her again. They went to the side of the fence, and onwards, until they reached a small grove of trees. Sirius settled on the grass.

June looked at him sceptically, but he raised his eyebrows. She chose to sit next to him, and as soon as she did, he slipped his fingers into hers again.

She blushed. Her heart was already thumping too loud.

"Why here?"

"It's not typical," he offered. "And honestly, I couldn't think of anywhere else where we wouldn't be interrupted. Much as I'd rather take you for lunch at the Broomsticks, I'm sure the other idiots are going to be there."

She nodded. She took a moment to make a decision, and then leaned against his shoulder.

"How much courage did _that_ take?" he asked, and she could feel his smirk.

"More than it's worth, clearly," she said, immediately lifting her head off of him.

"Oh, come on," he said, wrapping his arm around her gently.

They stared at the far away building. "It is _bizarre_ sometimes that you're the reader," he confessed. "And here I was thinking you would never read _Olive."_

She laughed. "I actually love that one."

"I know," he said. "I read your notes."

"Feels weird that you know it's me," she said. "Those are… I never expected anyone to be reading my books or my notes."

"Why did you leave them?" he asked. "I've been wondering for a while. You didn't even like me!"

She examined her fingernails. "Honestly? I overheard Lily saying she couldn't place the handwriting and some part of me couldn't take it. That was what it was. It's not her fault, of course – I've been good at being invisible. And if anything, Lily has been the only one nice enough to try very consistently to be my friend. I was just making it very hard for people. And then I decided to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known."

He laughed. "The mortifying ordeal of being known, is it?"

She smiled. "You didn't give me much of a choice, Sirius. You even became friends with me in real life!"

"That was for convenience," he said. "You were a solid sounding board."

"I'm glad to know I have uses."

She decided to watch the trees again. Sirius' fingers brushed across her waist, and her heart trilled. It wasn't even a novelty anymore when it did that. She was around him. Her heart was nowhere near normal.

The anticipation was somewhat killing her, too, so she turned to him. "It's gonna take a bit of courage, okay?"

"What -?"

She was the one to press her lips to his. It was awkward at first – she didn't know where her nose was supposed to go. His fingers raked her hair and she only ever touched the line of his jaw.

She fell back in the grass, and he immediately apologised and tried to help her up. But she dragged him with her, and kissed him again. "Oh – that was very rude of me," she said, in the middle of another kiss. "I mean – I ought to have asked you –"

"June, you're my favourite person in the world right now, but I need you to stop talking."

They lost time that way – with her coming up for air maybe two times total. She had little to no experience in kissing, so everything he did was new. Everything was something she filed away as a detail that she would be able to obsess over later, like a book she wanted to read and reread. He never strayed too far, for fear of making her uncomfortable – but she loved whatever he did regardless.

Somewhere in the middle of laughter and words breathed out between them, Sirius remembered with a jolt that he was supposed to give her food. From his backpack emerged a packed picnic. Although she was disappointed, she had to admit she had been getting hungry.

They spent more time eating sandwiches and pumpkin pasties. Sirius wiped the corner of her mouth mid-sentence and she forgot what she was saying promptly. They talked about Quidditch, about their classes, about going home, about whatever she was reading.

The sun set gently on them. Between kissing and talking, the leaves of the trees were turning gold. She looked up to see the flutter of the wind, and she sighed.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said. "I – um – I had something to give you."

She pulled out two books from her backpack. "It's the Keats you gave me. And… your Christmas present."

It was a copy of _The Farthest Shore_ by Ursula K Le Guin. "But these pages are blank!" he exclaimed. "You didn't write anything in them!"

"I thought – I thought you could write first," she said with a smile. "And this time, I'd read it second. Fair's fair, right?"

He was staring at her, with that look on his face that she was quickly beginning to characterise as The One That Makes Her Heart Go Erratic. He kissed her again, fiercely.

"So-" she said between breaths. "Did you like it -?"

"Again, Williams, I'm going to need you to be quiet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE THAT WAS SATISFYING LADIES AND GENTS AND EVERYONE ELSE. DO REVIEW!
> 
> Oh also i guess this is very different from the original in terms of the date mostly because I don't think I did a DATE date in that one. This one I played by the ear. I think from this point forward I'll deviate a lot from the original, because threads have to be wrapped up and all.


	26. Numerology and Grammatica by L Wakefield and M Carniero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Hope you had a lovely weekend, wherever you're at, and I am glad everyone vibed with the date? You know I made it super low key mostly because I figured... y'know they're sixteen. I know we like writing being sixteen as very intense but it's also very awkward.
> 
> Anywayyy! LOW-KEY chapter this time, just some harmless fluff, a bit of a breather, as they say.

He’d noticed her pacing around the common room. He stopped himself twice from going to her, but now he really wished he had, because Remus came from behind and clapped him on the back. They were on the dormitory stairwell, so at the very least they weren’t visible.

“What?” glared Sirius.

“You’re doing her no good sitting here,” Remus pointed out in his most reasonable voice.

“You could say that again,” said Sirius, ruffling his hair.

“So. Why are you here?” asked Remus.

Sirius glanced at her. She was turning her heel, looking troubled, but he wasn’t _supposed_ to be seeing her. “She’s not exactly an open book.”

Remus looked like he really was suppressing a smile. Sirius glared again. “I am _not_ a closed book,” he defended.

“I didn’t say you were,” Remus offered mildly.

“Good.”

“She’s not a closed book, you know,” said Remus.

“What?” asked Sirius.

“She’s not,” Remus shook his head. “She’s just not used to people asking about her life. Just because she doesn’t volunteer information doesn’t mean she’s cagey about it.”

Sirius opened his mouth, and closed it again. Fuck, Remus was right. June was reserved, not cagey. You never knew where to poke with her, because you didn’t always find out much about her through happenstance and friendship.

That was the dilemma. He wished he’d picked someone a little easier to like as much as he had June Williams. He didn’t want to scare her away, so he was cautious – and then he never knew when to actually move into her bubble of comfort even a little.

“Alright,” he said.

He headed to her slowly. Approaching June sometimes really felt like he was walking towards a spooked animal. She was clearly preoccupied with something, but as soon as she was aware he was heading towards her, she smiled. “Hi,” she said, looking oddly restless. She was pacing around the sofa near the fireplace, so the glow of the fire was casting her hair in the prettiest light.

Without prompting, she kissed him on the cheek, which left him a little floored. The Gods of irony were probably having a good laugh.

“What’s up, Williams?”

“Nothing,” she said, too quickly. “I was going to meet Sarah to study Ancient Runes, and then you came –”

“Not that,” he said, cutting in. “What’s up? You seem a little bothered.”

She hesitated, and that’s when he realised she was trying to conceal a letter. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” he said. “I understand if it’s private –”

“No, no,” said June. “You just – you just surprised me, that’s all. Wait – let’s sit.”

He was glad she held his fingers of her own accord. When they sat on the sofa, she automatically folded her legs under her, automatically putting her close. He breathed her in, and tried to focus more on the situation at hand. She fished the letter from her pocket, and pressed it into his palm. His eyes swooped down to the letter, but before he could comprehend anything that was written,

“Padfoot!”

James – and _Lily –_ were on their way to the sofa. Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend’s bad timing. “You’re _interrupting,_ Prongs, go away –”

“I just came to ask if you had a moment,” said James, wounded. He hopped over the armchair and flopped on the carpet. “Lily says she wants to _study,_ of all things –”

Evans rolled her eyes and sat primly on the armchair. James leaned back against it, and his hair tickled her knees. She blushed bright red, which had June smiling. Sirius bit back his own smile.

“I have to find Sarah, as well,” said June.

“Oh, is Sarah going to be there?” said Lily, perking up. “Can I join you? Only she’s got a better handle on some of the Arthimancy stuff.”

“Sure,” said June, running her hands through her hair.

“James, where did I put my _Numerology and Grammatica_?” Lily asked instantly.

“Dormy,” he said.

“I’m going to get it, I’ll join you guys in a mo’,” said Lily, instantly jumping off. James’ eyes followed her, and June stifled a giggle.

“Shut up, Williams,” said James, very pink.

“You shut up, Prongs,” said Sirius. “I have to read this.”

He heard June making small talk with James over him, but he really was least concerned about that. His eyes raked the letter quickly:

_Dear June,_

_I know you usually don’t come home for the holidays, but Margaret’s engagement is taking place during the Easter Holidays, and Uncle Robert wants you there. If you promise not to do anything unnatural, I promise not to bring it up too much._

_Love,_

_Mum_

Oh. So that’s what it was.

“Do you have to go?” he asked her.

June was cut off mid-sentence from her conversation with James. “She’s one of my few cousins I like,” she said with a grimace. “I think I have to.”

“James, what are you doing here?”

Remus had turned up, Peter in tow. It seemed he had correctly interpreted James’ presence in the common room as a nuisance and had arrived for Sirius’ aid. Sirius looked at him gratefully. 

“Padfoot would just _tell_ me if he wanted me to shove off,” reasoned James.

Peter crossed his legs and sat opposite James. Remus sat down in the armchair close to Peter. “I’m actually here more for June’s benefit than Padfoot’s,” he said. “ _She_ wouldn’t be able to tell you to shove off.”

He winked at June, who nodded appreciatively. Sirius had noticed that they had been on the same page more frequently these days. There seemed to be something of an understanding between them, something he wasn’t really privy to. Remus was in her corner more often than any of his other friends, even though James had far more incentive to back June up. Everyone knew Lily had a huge soft spot for Williams.

“You lot are very rude,” sniffed James, leaning back again. Remus scoffed.

“Oi, June,” came a loud voice from somewhere else in the common room. “Freegood was waiting outside for you, so we dragged her with us.”

Now McKinnon and Macdonald were making their way here as well, with the addition of Freegood. Fantastic. How he was supposed to have a word in private was a wonder.

“Oh,” said June, sitting up straight. “I’m really sorry, Sarah! Lily said she’d be coming any second now, she wanted your help in Arthimancy.”

“Not a problem,” said Freegood, settling on the carpet like James and Sirius, her back against the fireplace. “We can wait.”

And even while no one gave them an invitation, McKinnon and Macdonald _also_ found space to sit. Marlene was near Freegood, while Macdonald had taken to the sofa that June and Sirius were occupying.

“None of you were invited,” grumbled Sirius.

“Come off it,” said Freegood. “You get her _all_ the time! If you had any sense you would share equally, but I have to barter my time _shamefully.”_

“Maybe she doesn’t like you as much as she does me,” sneered Sirius, leaning forward, egging Freegood on.

“Oh, that’s _enough!”_ said June, harrowed, despite the fact that it was all clearly a good joke at her expense. He’d _also_ noticed that Freegood had become very good at her back-and-forths with him, and it all seemed to be aimed at riling June up more than _him._ He approved of the strategy.

“I’m here!” said Evans, rushing downstairs from the dormitories. She half sprinted across the common room. “Let’s go!”

Remus waved at Evans perfunctorily. June instantly stood up, as did Freegood. Sirius grasped June’s forearm, and she leaned a little closer to him. “When you go. Will you write to me?”

“Sure,” she said, confused. “Why…?”

“Because I like you,” he said. “And because I _am_ dating you. And because I can take you out of your house for a day. It’ll be fun. I can even take you to Andromeda’s. She’s _my_ cousin who I have liked a lot.”

She looked… touched. “Really?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“That’s enough of that for today, Padfoot,” complained Peter.

Sirius let her forearm go. She was looking pink, but pleased. And oddly moved – in a way that really surprised him. Was she really expecting so little from him?

“If you’re done, Williams,” said Freegood, bored. She slipped her satchel on, while June fetched her backpack from the side of the sofa. Evans was still waiting behind the armchair headrest.

“Oi, Williams, wait,” said Peter unexpectedly. “I had a bone to pick with you. How did you leave Padfoot’s _Advanced Transfiguration_ back in the dormitory? We know you weren’t in your dormy all day, because Evans told us.”

“Why do you care?” asked McKinnon, frowning.

“Excuse me for not wanting people in our dormitory when they haven’t been invited,” said Peter. “Especially if we don’t even find out they were there.”

He had a point, but Sirius’ imagination had gone to a place where June was in his dormitory, and it took a lot to bring him back to earth from there.

“It’s sadly a very simple explanation,” June was saying. “Sarah dropped it off.”

Sarah winked at Peter.

“Just how did Freegood know where to go?” James demanded, leaning forward, his knees folded in front of him.

“I was thinking about that as well,” admitted Remus.

“I’ve been here _before,_ you know,” drawled Freegood, adjusting the strap of her satchel.

“When?” asked Evans with a frown. “I don’t remember you ever coming to Gryffindor Tower…”

Freegood opened her mouth to respond, before she could, however, Macdonald interjected: “She came here to meet me.”

Everyone’s gaze swivelled.

“What?” asked James.

“I might as well tell you, since she’s our friend now and everything.” said Macdonald, hurrying through her news, pink in the face.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” interjected Freegood, alarmed –

“No, I’ve been meaning to tell them,” said Macdonald, even more mysteriously. “Sarah and I fooled around a lot when we were thirteen.”

The common room murmured with the voices of others, forgotten homework and laughter. Everyone watched Macdonald for a minute and a half. Peter opened his mouth, thought better of whatever he wanted to say, and shut it again. Macdonald was steadily going from pink to red.

And then:

“That was _you?”_ June turned to Sarah.

“You _knew?”_ said Lily, instantly jumping on June.

“Of course I did!” June said defensively. “I thought you both knew too – Mary had someone coming in third year on and off every few days. I didn’t know who they _were,_ but there were signs everywhere - _”_

“You’re reading in another language again, love,” said Sirius, with a grin that went ear to ear.

“Oh,” said June, her shoulders slumping. “Well, I can’t believe none of you knew.”

He was bemused, but trust June to already know and not say anything. Honestly, he wasn’t very surprised, but he was watching McKinnon more for _her_ reaction. She was the one who had a crush the size of a mountain on the girl who just admitted to liking more than men.

“You were snogging Freegood _all_ this time?” asked Marlene, true to form. She was still sitting on the floor, and the light of the fireplace was against her. Everyone except Mary could clearly imagine exactly what the expression on her face was saying.

“Not _anymore,”_ said Mary.

“I _am_ offended at the tone,” said Sarah, with a Cheshire cat like smile. “I thought I was very good at getting you off, MacDonald.”

“You were – not that – erm – we weren’t _dating!”_ she added.

“That does smoothen this out,” said Remus mildly. Mary shot him a dark look. 

“It’s not a big deal,” she said. “We were thirteen.”

“Between her and Dawn Forester, you must have had tonnes of practice,” said June, with a ridiculous hint of admiration. _For heaven’s sake, Williams, I’ll give you all the practice you need,_ thought Sirius irately.

“You kissed Dawn Forester?” said Peter. “Really? _Really?”_

“Calm down Pettigrew, she’s not very good at it,” said Sarah. “And I may as well come clean. I may or may not have been snogging Wendy Mockeridge in fourth year.”

“Motherfucker,” swore Marlene. Evans didn’t even reprimand her. “If anyone else was snogging Sarah Freegood, you’d best declare yourselves now,” she announced.

“You’re really hogging all the girls, Freegood,” said Peter, looking like he was earnestly despairing.

“Merlin,” murmured James, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes ineffectually.

“We should – we should go,” said Evans distantly. She glanced at McKinnon, who was staring at the coffee table, as if struck by lightning. He wasn’t surprised that Evans knew, but he was surprised when she glanced at him, half worried. He nodded reassuringly, essentially telling her he would keep an eye on her. McKinnon had told him why she had broken up with him, of course, but she hadn’t said she’d told Evans that she’d told him.

In any case, that was besides the point. Macdonald seemed to be revelling in having done her bit, unaware of the landslide that she may or may not have caused in McKinnon’s heart. Evans and the rest left, and he smiled at June, causing her to blush instantly in the most fetching shade of red.

The next thing he had to do was get Macdonald away from McKinnon. It was a good thing James was here. They could handle this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am VERY excited for some of the next few chapters honestly! bUT y'all going to have to catch up to begin with.
> 
> I love love reviews!


	27. Advanced Rune Translation by Yuri Blishen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo! Hope everyone's week is going well and all that.
> 
> I'm not VERY hyped about this chapter, but it was kind of important for me. You'll see why! And I really am glad you guys are enjoying the breather, because the pace is going to be a bit slower in the story right now. I know I resolved the main tension, but a lot of side plot lines and stories have to be resolved.
> 
> ALSO everyone's reaction to Sarah is my FAVOURITE. She's an icon and she deserves it.
> 
> LASTLY THANK U TO JUNIEYES WHO I HAVEN'T THANKED FOR A FEW CHAPTERS BUT IS AMAZING WE STAN.

March brought spring with it, and a proximity to the upcoming exams. It was still too distant a reality – particularly with Easter still on its way. Sirius and June's time together was somewhat limited, what with class and coming exams – but they persevered. Sirius seemed to think actively slacking off was the best and most sensible way to go, but June was far more diligent.

And even if June could say nothing else, she could say that apart from a few glares from Sirius' fanclub, they had given up on trying to sabotage anything. She suspected they'd stopped because Sirius had put the other boys to the task, because some of the girls had been sporting things like antlers in the middle of corridors.

Apart from that, June was alright. She was _fine,_ to her surprise as well as everyone else's. She wasn't anyone's problem right now – that was Mary.

June had become aware that whatever was between the Gryffindor sixth years (plus Sarah) wasn't a bad combination of camaraderie and romantic tension. But Mary _did_ put a bit of a spanner in the works.

Sarah wasn't the one who was awkward, however. Sarah and June spent a lot of time together outside of the Gryffindors, even when June had Sirius to think about and find time for. They were fine, and Sarah's interactions with Mary really weren't affected by their previous association. Marlene, on the other hand, seemed to have been avoiding Mary like the plague.

"I really don't know what I did wrong," Mary fretted. June was listening, and so was Lily, but they didn't know what to say anymore. They'd heard some version of this conversation from Mary over and over again over the last week and a half. "Why would she take such an offense to me snogging Sarah Williams?"

June looked at Lily, who instantly tried not to meet her eye. People really _were_ oblivious, weren't they?

"Mary," said Lily slowly, shutting her _Rune Dictionary_. "You can't think of any reason why she would have been a little blindsided by the fact?"

"A little," said Mary. "But you know – I never took Marlene as someone who might be blindsided by her friend being a lesbian. Do you think she's homophobic?"

Lily snorted, and violently turned it into a cough.

"No," said June. "Of all things, I think you can safely rule out homophobia."

"Then what is it?"

"I really think you ought to speak with her about it," said Lily, her voice firm. "Don't come to us by proxy."

Mary pretended to consider it, and then bent her head again to her essay. June looked outside the window of the library – March was inching forward, even if she didn't always want it to. She wanted more time with Sirius. She was not looking forward to the Easter holiday where she had to go home, even though some part of her was relieved her mother hadn't forgotten about her enough to not invite her to Cousin Margaret's engagement.

Mary sighed a few minutes into their study session. She slammed her books shut. "I can't concentrate," she murmured. "Lily, you coming?"

"I think I'll stay," said Lily. "Take your time. Sort yourself out."

Mary looked forlorn, but she didn't contradict Lily. She wandered off, and Lily turned to June. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just need some time off from them."

"I get it," said June, despite being nervous about being alone with Lily. "But I was about to head out – I have to go meet Hagrid. I haven't in a while, and I promised him I will."

Lily twirled a lock of her hair nervously. "Can I come? I just… I can't be around Marlene and Mary right now."

June hesitated, but Lily looked so earnest. "Alright," she found herself saying. She closed her _Advanced Rune Translation._

They both packed up their things, and took to the Hogwarts grounds. June knew a few short cuts, and Lily giggled when she offered her a chivalrous hand to help her up on a set of stairs. They reached the Great Hall, picked their robes and went onwards. They were silent for a while as June contemplated the shape of clouds, and then Lily said:

"June… can I ask you something?"

June, who had been thinking of some hours she had spent with Sirius near the lake was brought firmly to the world with a thump. She looked at Lily inquiringly.

Lily took a breath. "When you… started liking Sirius. How did you know you did?"

"What do you mean?" asked June.

"Did you… have qualms? Because he was so cruel to you in your first few years? Or because he's an arrogant toerag?"

June suppressed a smile. "What's up, Lily?"

She glared at June. "You know what's up," she said. "I think everyone does _but_ him."

"Ah, you can't blame him for that," said June generously. "He _has_ had five years of you saying no. He's just being careful."

Lily cursed under her breath. "But _how,_ June? How did you _know_?"

June's eyes fluttered upwards as she thought about it. "Well…" she said. "I don't know what to tell you. He apologised for what he did. He did… better. I felt like my heart was trying to jump out of its throat whenever I was around him, which is a helpful indicator of that sort of thing. I also… I don't know, Lily. I feel like he pays attention to me. As much as I pay attention to others and the world."

Lily was quiet, more quiet than she had been expecting her to be.

"And what if he isn't getting the hint?" she asked.

June laughed. "I really wouldn't know what to do there, considering I would have hidden out in North Tower if it wasn't for Sirius jumping me."

Lily laughed. "Do I have it in me to jump James Potter?"

"Of course you do," said June. "Let me tell you in no uncertain terms that he won't do it."

"He won't?" she asked, surprised.

"He will not," said June. "It isn't a matter of pride, Lily, he's just not sure where he stands with you – no matter how close you get. He's going to be too much of a gentleman even as you take your top off."

Lily shoved her with her shoulder. "You sound like Marlene."

"The bitch is rubbing off on me," she sighed. "Here we are."

Hagrid's chimney was smoking, despite the spring heat. Then again, it wasn't as if the chill was gone completely. June might have knocked on the door and entered, but Lily froze.

June turned to face her. "What's the matter?" she asked.

Lily swore under her breath. "June, Severus is lurking somewhere over there, do you mind if I deal with him?"

"Um," said June. "Not at all…"

Lily didn't wait for her permission. She strode off purposefully into the thicket of trees near Hagrid's hut. June spotted the swish of a black cloak. She contemplated what to do next – because Lily hadn't made it clear that she needed back up. Then, she heard pleading, and Lily's voice sounded firm about something she couldn't make out. It wasn't as if June needed a lot to connect the dots.

This wasn't a _new_ story. Everyone had known what had happened between them. Everyone had seen it coming a mile away.

June didn't know if she should interfere or not, but eventually she heard Lily pleading in turn. This, June decided, was as good a time as any to interfere.

"… You _cannot_ keep bothering me this way, while I'm with my friends –"

"Your _friends –"_

"Lily?" said June.

"Your _friends,_ is it?" snapped Severus, his lip curling.

"Don't you dare say anything about June," said Lily. "Calling me mudblood once was bad enough, Snape, you can't do it to others in my life. I won't allow it."

"You're not like one of them, Lily," said Severus.

Lily went white.

The truly awful thing was that he probably believed this was the height of praise.

"That's enough," said June quietly. She lifted her wand and pointed it to Severus. "Lily may have some qualms about hexing you into tomorrow, but I assure you, I have none. And don't reach out for your wand, I will cast before you can."

Severus looked at her with so much contempt, she might have fallen apart there and then. Something about her _must_ have been Gryffindor, however, because she did not fall apart.

He looked at Lily, and June almost thought he wouldn't say anything. Almost. "Good to see you picked _him._ Him and his _friends_."

June hoped Lily had picked up on the implied threat, because Lily did not really react to it.

"What I do is none of your business," said Lily, with more confidence than June was feeling. "And June wasn't actually his friend, but you'd only know that if you paid attention to people other than your death eater buddies, or used fewer slurs on your friends."

Snape seemed to be out of excuses and threats, because all he really did was stare at Lily in a way that June really didn't understand. Distantly, they heard the barks of a five month old Fang. He snapped out of his thoughts instantly, and with one last dark look at June, he trounced off to the castle. June lowered her wand slowly.

She finally had the chance to see Lily's face, to check what she might have been thinking or feeling. Lily looked drained of energy, at best, and distraught, at worst.

"Sorry about that," she sniffed.

"S'alright," muttered June, stowing her wand away. "Us muggleborns have to stick together, right?"

Lily rubbed the tip of her nose a little and laughed. "I feel like I'm losing everyone from my childhood. Even my sister refuses to speak to me."

June glanced upwards. "I know what you mean. My father and I haven't spoken since I was eleven, did you know?"

"No," said Lily, horrified. "That's awful."

"Sucks about your sister and your best friend, Lily."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I hate this war. I don't like reading about which of us died in the morning, and I don't like what it does to our friends. He wasn't always like this, you know?"

"It's not your job to bring people like Severus Snape around to seeing people like us as human," June cut in.

"I know – but it's not that simple," said Lily. "You know we can't win them over by battle alone."

"I know," said June. "The important thing isn't that we have to teach them, but that we have to amplify the compassion that they already have. I'm not saying Severus Snape doesn't have a kind bone in his body – he's just learned not to get it in the way of his bitterness."

Lily sniffed again. "I've never heard you speak like this."

"I've had a lifetime of trying to convince my parents I'm human, not a witch," she sighed. "Trying to convince them that people who are not white are humans. You can only work with material that is already there – if they can stand to see others suffer, you ask them why. If they can't, you have to make them uncomfortable. Beyond that, there's little you can do."

Lily gave her a very watery smile.

"Come on," said June gently. "Hagrid would have made rock cakes. Do me a favour, and don't eat any – unless you want dentures or something."

Lily burst into a short laugh. "Okay. Thanks June."

"Muggleborns stick together," said June with a cheesy thumbs up. "Besides, we're the last two sane people left in this group."

"We are?" asked Lily.

"Mary just asked us if we thought Marlene was homophobic," said June with a roll of her eyes. "I dunno what you count as sane, but…"

Lily laughed in earnest this time. "They're really blind, aren't they?"

"Like bats," nodded June. "Then again, I don't have a leg to stand on. Come."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back with a PLOTPOINT, but also I figured I'd give June some time with Lily. This was a dynamic I didn't have a lot of space for in this story, since the focus was so so so much on June and Sirius, and June was always so nervous about Lily as a person - but it's a dynamic I really enjoyed from the original. I dunno if you guys remember this from My Dear Fellow, but Lily had a really big soft spot for June. I've mostly carried it forward in this one, but because June gets more nervous around Lily I haven't been able to do as many one on one interactions. It just never felt as organic as it did now, since they are both muggleborns and this was, like, a better conversation between muggleborns than with anyone else in the cast.
> 
> I have more thoughts on how I have done muggleborns in this story, but I will explain those after... the next chapter. Which is honestly my favourite one. Not to hype you guys or anything.
> 
> Anyway I love reviews!


	28. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EASTER CHAPTER.
> 
> Well, chapterS I should say. We're out here vibing.
> 
> Anyway I might have hyped this one up a little anyway, since like I said before, this is my favourite chapter. I've been really excited about sharing it since I wrote it. And thank you to junieyes for once again pointing things out that I didn't pay attention to - so a quick clarification before we begin: so, I mentioned in the post Christmas chapter that Sirius had his apparition licence, and I had done the calculation - he should be about seventeen right now. Plus, I remember Hermoine got her licence in sixth year while Ron failed it because he splinched and left behind half an eyebrow. Junieyes also pointed out that apparition ideally involves being able to visualise where you are going, but like, I am handwaving that for the sake of the story, I really hope you guys don't mind!
> 
> Also, JuggernautJJ had wanted to To Kill a Mockingbird chapter basically since chapter six. I am sorry it took so long, but 22 chapters later, here we are! I just wanted to make it as organic as possible.
> 
> I have some more explanations to give you guys, but I'll do that at the endnotes! It's going to be something like an ESSAY, but you know what, I have a platform and I am going to use it.

He looked up at the apartment building, and then down again to the slip of paper with the address. It gave him something of a thrill to see her handwriting sometimes – having taken so many months to study every curve of it, only to finally know who was behind it.

He was pretty sure this was her home. June lived far north. He had guessed as much from her accent, of course, but it was still surprising to think of. It was a small town, industrial, somewhere he couldn’t imagine June fitting. June’s house was not connected to the Floo, so he’d had to apparate. Given that he had never really apparated this big a distance before, he had been a little nervous – but nothing could deter him from meeting her.

Her letters had been short and mostly unhappy. He had been almost worried that she would not write back during the holidays, but she had made the effort to send him two letters in the brief time when the holidays had begun. He had looked forward to those with excitement that shocked almost everyone in the Potter household.

He looked up again at the apartment building, letting out a deep breath. In his bag, all he really had was her copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird,_ which had been his insurance to make sure that June would meet him at least once during the holidays. He was wearing his leather jacket, which he always did when he needed a touch of courage. “Into battle,” he murmured, stuffing the slip of paper into his jacket pocket.

This was her home. He had no idea about the kind of person she would be over here, but he was an expert in speaking June. He could tell discomforts, unhappiness, joy, pain. He had studied this handwriting for months, he could tell with the change of each letter what she may or may not be thinking.

He took the stairs to the fourth floor. Distantly, he heard a whistle from one of the other flats, and a baby crying. He squared his shoulders and knocked on the flat number she had scrawled on.

The door opened, and a tired, haggard looking woman stared at him. She was much shorter, much like June, and had her dirty blonde hair. “Yes?” she asked.

“Um – Mrs Williams?” he said politely. “I’m Sirius Black. June’s friend.”

She glared. “Come in,” she said, with as much hostility as she could muster. She walked inside the flat. The island counters made a small breakfast bar nearby, which opened to a living room that looked rather faded. Everything was clean and well kept – even if fresh laundry was piled in a corner of the sofa. There were a bunch of daisies on the coffee table, surrounded by various Christian icons. Apart from that, everything seemed very… standard. Mrs Williams crossed the flat, muttering to herself, “very convenient of her to have called you while he isn’t here, isn’t it… we’ll see about this.” She rapped sharply on June’s door.

June emerged from her room. “Someone for you,” Mrs Williams said. “You didn’t tell your father–”

“He isn’t here,” June interjected. She was wearing a white tee with overalls that were cut somewhere near her thighs. She was barefoot, which added a charm to the whole thing.

“He would want to _know –”_

“Mum, I thought we had an agreement?”

Mrs Williams crossed her arms. “I don’t say this because I hate you, you know. You’re allowed to have friends.”

“And I’m exercising that right,” said June firmly. “It’s either this, or father takes it out on one of us. You pick which you would like.”

The mutinous anger of Mrs Williams was so fantastically close to his mother’s Sirius almost froze in fear. However, where his mother might have actually raised his wand at him by now, Mrs Williams chose to flounce to her room.

“Come in,” said June, exhausted.

“Got you in trouble, didn’t I?” he asked, as he sauntered towards her room.

“Ah, you know how it is,” murmured June. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”

She opened the door to her room. Sirius entered. “Holy Mary.”

June suppressed a smile. “You know, I’m a good catholic girl, Sirius. We don’t use the virgin mother’s name in vain.” She shut the door behind her.

It was a small room, with a small bed next to the wall. The windows were open, and the curtains fluttered from time to time. June seemed to like light oranges and reds, because everything was vaguely autumnal – from the curtains to the bedspread. There was a desk with a table lamp, and a closet that was covered in stickers from stuff he didn’t recognise. On a hanger, June had put out a pink dress with a slightly fluffy skirt. Presumably, that was what she was wearing for the wedding.

What caught his eye, however, was none of this. Sirius was surrounded by large stacks of books. He recognised a number of them as old textbooks, but others were cheap paperbacks and mass market popular romances, with women featuring prominently on the covers. They had half ripped clothes in a variety of angles. Still other books were classics with sedate covers, and more and more with looming covers and heavy titles. One particularly terrifying one had nothing but a large eye splashed on the cover, with the title _1984_ staring menacingly at him.

“Most of them are my Nan’s,” said June, sitting down on her bed.

“God bless you Sarah O’Connell,” said Sirius with a low whistle.

He turned to her, still standing in the middle of the room. “So tell me,” he said with a sly smile. “If you’re a good catholic girl, do you happen to have one of those catholic school uniforms?”

She glared at him suspiciously. “Why do you know what a Catholic school uniform looks like?”

“I’ve been sneaking Muggle magazines into my house since I was _twelve,_ June, just to annoy my mother,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Are you going to answer the question?”

She blushed an unbelievable red. “Please tell me you don’t have an… appreciation… for that sort of thing?”

“You can’t judge me for it,” he said. “Not while you sit there with your overalls.”

“What do you have for overalls?” she asked, looking properly alarmed.

“I’m an aristocratic boy, June,” he said. “And the only time I encountered overalls was in Muggle Studies, when we did a class on different Muggle professions. It is _very_ fetching to see you wear the clothes of the working class.”

June’s red was turning into orange. “You are going to be the first to go when we start using the guillotine,” she muttered under her breath.

He laughed, and leaned forward to kiss her. June sighed against his lips. “Before we leave, could you do something for me?” he asked.

She looked up at him. Hazel-yellow eyes, and her face looking like the sunset. “Don’t judge me,” he said, his fingers on her jawline. He jabbed his thumb at the cupboard behind him. “But would you wear that dress? Just for a little bit.”

She frowned for a second, until what he was saying became clear to her. “Sirius!” she said, pushing him away. He laughed.

“You are incorrigible!” she said, jumping to her feet.

“Please?” he said. He sat down on her bed and tried to plead to the best of his abilities.

She blew some hair out of her face. It looked so cute, he almost kissed her again. “Fine,” she said.

She took the dress off the hanger, and she turned to look at him. “Turn around,” she said, pink in the face and biting her lip.

He raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t want Mum to know I’m changing my clothes,” she muttered.

She really hadn’t an idea how enchanting she was, did she? He shut his eyes and waited. He didn’t even peek. He heard her hop on one leg for a second, a book fall, and a hanger clatter.

“Okay,” she said.

He opened his eyes. For a second everything seemed blue, and then June came to focus.

She was as pink as the dress, if not more. The dress skimmed her knees, and flared rather prettily at her waist. The bodice was one of those – strappy ones, where the straps were tied at the neck. “Well?” she asked. “What do you think?”

He advanced on her, pressing her to the doors of the closet just before he kissed her. He normally made it a point to be gentle with her, but it was hard when she looked the way she did. The strappy top – it left her back bare, so his hands spread across it, tracing the moles and freckles. Her arms snaked around his neck. Whatever sound came from the back of her throat was so unlike her, he had to concentrate on not actually biting her lips off.

He spun her around, away from the cupboard, dipped her, and dragged her leg to his waist. She was breathing heavily when he paused. “Bit like a book, eh?” he asked.

“No book talked about this,” she whispered, and kissed him again.

Why was everything she did so… intoxicating? So novel, so different? By all accounts, there was nothing about her that was trying to be new, trying to be different, or even trying to impress him. And yet, here he was, floored.

“June?” he murmured. “We’re going to have to stop before we have a situation we can’t control.”

Her eyes became round as coins. “Oh. _Oh!_ Of… of course.”

The both steadied themselves as they stood upright. “You look disappointed,” he said with a grin.

She was still pink from the snog, so he couldn’t tell if this was a fresh blush.

“Perhaps when your mother isn’t in the next room,” he offered.

She nodded, and then instantly bit her lip.

“June?”

“Mm?”

“Stop me if you’re ever uncomfortable, yeah?”

She swallowed, and then nodded.

“And if I’m going too fast.”

Nod.

“Alright.”

She smiled cautiously.

“You should change,” he said. “I’ll turn around.”

He shut his eyes and turned around. Once again, he heard the sound of her undressing and then dressing again. Before he could ask her if she was done, however, he felt her arms around his chest. She had pressed her cheek to his back. “I like you a lot, you know?” she said from behind.

He pulled her arms off him, and turned around. “I know,” he said, and kissed her again.

“Shall we go?” he asked.

* * *

The first thing June did was show him where she sometimes picked up a few extra shifts of work as a bookkeeper during two week holidays. Muggle money wasn’t as useful as Wizarding money, but it was still money. “I have to earn something,” she sighed. “They give me a roof over my head, and Mum usually gives me dinner, but I need more than one meal.”

He gripped her hand tighter.

The second thing she took him for was the cinema. Here, she promised something very close to magic. Sirius was sceptical at first, but he had to admit – it was something very close to magic. They were watching a Hitchcock movie, she told him. This didn’t mean that much to him – but he had heard of this… director? It was dark in the cinema hall, and to his surprise, June did take this opportunity to put her head on his shoulder. Of course, he encouraged her by putting his arm around her first.

After the film, they emerged in the real world and Sirius was filled with questions, questions that she refused to answer until they had eaten something. To combat this, she guided them to a chippy. “Here you go, aristocratic boy,” she said with a smirk, handing him a paper cone with chips in it. “Time to eat some proletariat food.”

He rolled his eyes. He’d never admit that he’d never really had chips this way, not to her.

They grabbed their burgers and chips and took to a bench near the river. The weather was slightly overcast, which June promised him was typical of her hometown. “It doesn’t like me enough to have the sun shining on the day you’re coming,” she complained.

He’d disagree. June wasn’t happy here, but her feet knew the potholes without confusion. She smiled at some of the people who crossed her – not all, but enough. They’d even run into someone called Maria, who hugged June. June had introduced him and she had seized him up in seconds, which really told Sirius a lot about her relationships in this town. It was a small, depressing place – horrible in all the ways you could think of, but June seemed to have memorised it in a way that she had not done with Hogwarts. There, she tended to press herself into the corners of the castle in order to disappear. Here, she just was.

“Before we start eating and I spill something, I wanted to return your book to you,” he said. He dug through his bag and pulled out _To Kill a Mockingbird._

“Oh, are you done?” she asked brightly.

“You have fantastic taste as ever,” he said, finally dipping into the paper cone with the chips.

She twinkled. “It’s a good book, isn’t it? I had to use a lot of my savings to buy it. It’s a really good thing my Mum and Dad don’t read anything I bring into the house.”

She took a bite of her burger. “I think this one is my favourite one after _Pride and Prejudice,”_ he told her. “I… something about the way the author tackled the story.”

“I know. She’s very… clever. She makes oppression… understandable. When you can read the story of how it happens, it feels like it can be combated.”

“Do you think it can be?”

She took a breath and looked in the distance. “I dunno, Sirius. I’m not oppressed.”

“Not here,” he said. “You are where we come from.”

“I suppose,” she said. “I never really felt like I belonged there, no matter what I did or tried, so I don’t know. I suppose that is a kind of oppression, but I’m not the worse off amongst all of this to begin with.”

He fell silent. “You’d tell me, right? If I did something… cruel?”

She chuckled. “I’ll try. You don’t notice sometimes, once you get used to it.”

He examined her, even as the wind blew some of her hair into her sandwich. It should have made sense to him – June – she wasn’t very extroverted or anything, but she seemed to actively avoid ever being noticed when she was in Hogwarts. There was something different about her here – it wasn’t that she was less shy, but… he couldn’t put a finger on it.

They ate the rest of their meal, discussing different aspects of the book from time to time. They talked about the movie again, particularly for its ending. June pointed to the large Church where she still tried to go during the holidays. “I have some friends here, and I only ever meet them during the summer,” she told him. When he asked her about Maria, she said, “She’s a good friend of mine. She and Shankar. We go too far back, though, so it never naturally occurs to us to write to each other. I spend a lot of time with her during my summers.”

“She gave me a funny look,” he said.

“She thinks it’s wild that I’m dating someone like you,” said June, looking delighted. “You reek wealth, Sirius.”

“I do _not!”_ he said, offended.

“No, you really do,” she said, still grinning. “I didn’t want to be mean to you, but your London accent and everything – Maria’s just judging me for having such a soft boyfriend, as she rightly should.”

“I am _not_ soft.”

“You can barely handle a chippy,” she said with a snigger.

“That is _enough_ Williams,” he said, eating another chip.

“You should be grateful Maria isn’t here. She’d have torn you to shreds by now.”

“We need to go somewhere where your working class roots don’t show so much,” sniffed Sirius.

“You’d best develop a thicker skin than this,” said June, sipping her soda. “You have no idea how much I got teased when I started going to a posh school in Scotland.”

“This is unbelievable,” he said. “Hogwarts is considered posh?”

“Have you _heard_ your accent?”

He wished he had a better response to her, but he could only glare. It was better for his dignity to change the topic. “So, how’re things between McKinnon and Macdonald?” he asked, between bites.

June frowned. “You know?”

“McKinnon told me it was why she was breaking up with me,” said Sirius with a shrug. “Truth be told, it wasn’t like we were ever very serious or anything, and she just needed a reason, I think. And we were friends.”

“Oh,” said June, her expression clearing up. “I don’t know. They’re alright. I suppose. I don’t really know how any of this works, if I’m being honest.”

He grinned at her. “You’re getting the hang of it, Williams.”

She blushed, returning to her food with a smile on her face. They polished off the rest of their food. Before they got up, June took a breath and asked, “can we stop by the store for a second? I wanted to get something for your cousin.”

“You don’t have to, June –”

“I don’t really have any other family members to impress,” she said. “I’d rather do my best with yours.”

He rolled his eyes and followed her. She took him to a department store, and went to the section with the chocolates. There, a boy wearing a red shirt waved at her. “Hi Shankar,” she said.

“When’d you come back, June?” he asked. He was brown skinned and dark haired, and about as tall as Sirius.

“A few days ago? I meant to ring you,” she said. “I was at Marge’s engagement. And you know how Mum and Dad are. Anyway – this is Sirius. He’s… my –” She took a breath even as Sirius grinned. “My date,” she said.

“What, you’ve got issues with calling him your boyfriend?” asked Shankar. “Hey, mate. You have a real gem on your hands here.”

Sirius laughed. “Believe me, I know.”

Shankar’s smile broadened. “Let me guess, he’s from your posh school?”

June elbowed Sirius. “Of course he is,” she said with a grin.

Shankar chuckled. “Well, ring me whenever you’re free, June.”

“I will,” she promised. “I have to meet Maria some time as well, or she’s going to have my hide.”

It was weird to see her this way. So… at ease. Out of her flat and away from her mother, June was comfortable in this town. In a way that he had never really seen her before. He hadn’t expected this of her – with all her books and everything – he had thought she must not fit in here. But it was _Hogwarts_ that made her uncomfortable. By all accounts, she should be unhappy here – with her family being what it was, with being magic in a distinctly unmagical place. But he had never really heard her complain about her home, only about her family – and even _that_ with reserve. More natural was her sense of unbelonging in Hogwarts, especially now that he had seen her _here._ It wasn’t the chippy, or the convenience store chocolates – but she clearly had a life here that had no place in Hogwarts, no matter what she did or tried. And he’d made sure of that from years one to three. 

He was used to the story being the other way around. Of magical kids being out of place when they were at home, of them not getting along with their old friends from the Muggle world. He was a pure blood with insane parents, so he’d never had Muggle friends to begin with, but even Evans – a muggle born – had only ever carried one friend from her home, and that was Severus Snape. Peter had told him it was harder to connect with your friends from the Muggle world the longer you were in Hogwarts – because there was lesser and lesser to talk about. Without any classes, without being able to discuss magic, half of Hogwarts got wrapped up in secrecy and the rest of it in growing up.

That hadn’t happened here. June probably found it harder to talk about this small industrial town in Hogwarts than she did her posh boarding school at home. She might not have shared her classes and magic with Maria, but he could see from the look in that girl’s eye that June had told her other things. Maybe about the expensive dinners, and about everyone’s accents, and how she melted into the background without belonging. Money wouldn’t have been an issue with someone like Maria, since she’d probably understand it more than anyone at Hogwarts ever did. It had never really been something he had to think about – but he was beginning to notice stuff like this more, especially since he started dating June. Sometimes, it was easy to feel like there really wasn’t much wrong with Hogwarts that couldn’t be fixed by hexing Slytherins – after all, Evans was muggleborn and no one raised eyebrows at her. And then he remembered that Evans worked very hard at being brilliant, and that really made him uncomfortable.

He’d never considered what it would be like for someone like June, who was magic in distinctly unmagical ways – she wasn’t good with potions, or anything too closely attached to wandwork, but she would get cross over books. She was magic in her walk and her cooking, in her laugh, maybe even in the way she bit her lip or the way she watched you, quietly observing you and how you operated. There was nothing brilliant about her, except for everything, of course, but that wasn’t something he could explain to anyone. Even _Peter,_ one of his best friends, didn’t get what it was about June that he liked, apart from the fact that she liked Georgette Heyer. Remus understood, but in a way that Sirius didn’t really understand. He felt like James was the only person who really understood what he saw in June – and actually liked her. He couldn’t base this on anything concrete, and he didn’t know whether this was because James was his best friend or because James liked fudge – but James had never _once_ questioned his sanity, never once really put forward the question of _why_ this girl.

He almost wished James would start dating Evans sooner, if only so that he could have someone to talk to about the things he was noticing and how they made him feel. It had to be the cruellest twist of fate that Sirius would start dating the girl he liked before James dated Lily. He was getting there – Sirius had been sceptical of it at first, but it turned out that Evans was actually a reasonable person when approached reasonably.

And he had never seen anyone as certain as James was of Lily. No one except Sirius knew just how serious he was.

He watched her as she rang up her chocolates and made small talk with the person behind the counter.

“What?” asked June, as they walked out of the store.

“It’s… nice,” he said. “You’re comfortable here.”

She rolled her shoulders. “I… don’t hate this place. Even if it feels like it hates me a lot.”

He nodded, more to himself than to her.

They ducked into an empty alleyway, June clutching her plastic sack with gift wrapped chocolates. “You have nothing to worry about,” he told her. He felt a rush of affection for her when she neatened her socks.

“Pray that that’s the truth, Sirius Black,” she said tersely. “Let’s be off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so for some technical explanations: I know the catholic school uniform thing is weird, because in the movies they had something close to a catholic school uniform. But I was going by book descriptions, and there they mostly wear robes, so I worked with that instead. You can skip the incoming essay if you don't feel like it, but here we go:
> 
> There's a reason why this was my favourite chapter in the story. I mean, some of it is the fact that I really wanted to do June's backstory, some of it was all the stuff with the cinema, and the overalls, and everything. But a lot of it is in what the politics of the story are. 
> 
> I really wanted to bring some new dimensions to what it means to be Muggleborn in this story. A lot of the fandom has done some really interesting stuff with what was a very badly framed racial allegory in Rowling's text, and made more of the characters who could have been people of colour, actually people of colour. I really do enjoy these interpretations, but truth be told, I'm Indian, and this is a very Western story. White, yes, but also Western - I find it really hard to enter the idiom and sensibility of writing and imagine someone who looks like me, when it's a British boarding school story, and that's as Western and White as it comes. If anyone would like to read more on this, I'd really recommend Mimi Mondol's essay, "Characters are Not a Colouring Book." I know people of colour who live in Western countries have less difficult a time doing this, which is why I leave this task up to them (side note, can I plug at_least_i_didn't_fake_it 's "The Diplomat", if someone wants to read an Indian OCxSirius Black story?). Truth be told, when I am not writing fanfic, I write a lot of stories set in India, and absolutely none of them have white characters, which is more natural to me.
> 
> But I did want to work with feelings of alienation in Hogwarts. I made June working class for this reason - we often miss this in our criticism of Rowling, but she deals with poverty and class very badly as well. None, not a single one of her main characters are not middle class. I know a lot of people are going to point to Ron, but honestly, his father was a bureaucratic official who went to the same upper-class boarding school as everyone else, and we have no means of knowing why people like Stan Shunpike are conductors at all, especially since Hogwarts seems to be funding orphans like Tom Riddle. I really don't know how she left so many holes in her world-building, but they're there, and I can't address them or make sense of them, but I can deal with some of the alienation and loneliness that might come with being surrounded by a bunch of kids who don't really get where you come from. Even people like Lily and Hermione, who are muggleborn, are also almost definitely from a higher-income background, and also are brilliant, to boot. I wanted to think through the implications of a muggleborn... not being brilliant. Just being average, coming from a low-income household, reading mostly Muggle books and feeling out of place in Hogwarts.
> 
> I know none of these explanations were really necessary, but Rowling is such a massive asshole that I do feel like we should engage more and more critically with her text, AND the whole of the fandom that produces work around her text. We should point to the things she really doesn't seem to have gotten right, in any way, shape or form, and look through OUR own prejudices and biases as well.
> 
> And also, I know I haven't been able to critically engage with gender in this story while writing it, but I would like to do more research before I can. Until then, trans rights are fucking essential, and it is disgusting how Miss Jowling Kowling Rowling uses her platform.
> 
> Stay wonderful, please review, and hope you had a wonderful week! And of course, I hope you liked this chapter :D


	29. Author's Note

Hello all ~ 

I seriously apologise for disappearing for so long. The truth is, my beta had given me some detailed edits for the next chapter, and I wanted to work on them. I didn't expect there to be a delay longer than a week in publishing, but my sister fell pretty seriously sick and had to be hospitalised. It wasn't covid, don't worry. 

Things have been a bit hectic since, and just as my sister recovered my dog fell sick, so you know. Things are a whole mess. I promise I am working on the edits for the next chapter, and once I publish I should be back on track! I miss you all a lot. 

Love, 

Ridiculosity


	30. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, 
> 
> I am sorry I took so long even since my explanation author's note, but... sigh. It's not that things got worse for me materially, my sister is feeling much better as is my dog (thank you all for your well wishes!), but my mental health really tanked for a while afterwards. I don't know, the news cycle has been very hard, and the fascism in my country is really peaking at the moment. But even if it wasn't for all that, I just haven't been doing too well with the lockdown. 
> 
> In any case, I hope I am on track after this, since there really aren't many chapters left and I have written everything. If something needs a drastic rewrite according to my fabulous beta junieyes, I will let you guys know well in advance! I hope you haven't forgotten me! 
> 
> Also, I think I will do a quick recap of what has happened so far, since you know, it's been so long: Sirius found out that June was the one exchanging books with him, and once he did his confusion between the two girls he was interested in became significantly easier to deal with. He found her and asked her out, they went on a date together and barring a few hurdles (June's nerves) have been mostly okay. Meanwhile, Marlene and Mary have been cold to each other since Marlene found out Mary is actually attracted to women. Remus and June have come to something of an understanding together, and it's actually developing into a nice friendship. Lily and James are vibing. 
> 
> I think the last chapter was the one where Sirius visits June's home, it was my favourite chapter from this story and all that. We stopped at the point where Sirius was taking June to Andromeda's home.

Sirius’ cousin’s house was in a small locality in London. Even as they apparated on the front lawns, she could feel the difference between herself and Sirius’ world. The row of houses – different, but with a similar neatness – made her very uneasy. The trimmed hedges, the mailboxes, all of the placidity that came with being _comfortable._ The wood on the porches didn’t look worn, and one of the houses was sporting what looked like a fresh coat of paint. June became distinctly aware of the fact that she’d hidden a stain on her shirt by wearing her overalls.

Sirius held her hand and knocked on the door. They had a tidy garden, but it had some of those telltale bits of wildness that accompanied wizards: an old oak, a battered swing set, and the garden beds growing wild even if the grass was not. June shuffled her feet closer and waited.

“Dora!” a female voice shout from the other side of the door. “Put your toys away, for crying out loud.”

The door swung open. Andromeda Tonks looked a little irritated, but not worse for wear. She was dark haired and dark eyed, and bore aristocratic features that June could easily recognise in Sirius.

Andromeda smiled brightly at them as soon as she opened the door, which was startling, as she had a face that seemed to constantly express displeasure, no matter how neutral she was feeling. 

“Sirius!” she said. “Oh, good, you’re both here. Ted and I were getting worried.” 

June blushed, “Hello, ma’am.”

“You’re June, aren’t you?” asked Andromeda. “Why on _earth_ would you call me ma’am? Sirius did you terrify her?”

“I would _never,”_ said Sirius, trying to feign innocence. Andromeda didn’t look even partly convinced, but she stepped aside to let them in.

The hallway was small and narrow – on their right, the living room door was open, and a stairwell went upwards. Dora’s toys were littered everywhere in the living room, some hanging off the railings of the stairwell. June blinked at the monkey that blinked back at her. Right. Magical child, magical toys. Disconcerting. She turned away from the monkey when it winked.

Andromeda was tall, and under the ceiling lights, June could see her more clearly her resemblance to Sirius became unmistakable. Her robes felt out of place in this suburbia, and it occurred to June that she didn’t actually own any robes that weren’t school robes. Andromeda’s robes had some rich embroidery on the cuffs, which again made June feel like fixing her hair, but she suppressed the urge. 

“Dora, listen to your mum,” chuckled Sirius. “June got you something, and she’ll give it to you if you clear up.”

Dora – small, with strangely pink hair and a heart shaped face stood on the stairs and looked at June curiously. Her hair changed from pink to turquoise, and June schooled her expression away from surprise. “What did you get me?” Dora asked, her eyes wide.

“Um – I brought you chocolates,” said June shyly, holding out the box.

Dora looked thrilled, immediately reaching for the box when her mother slapped Dora’s hand away. “Clear your things up, Dora. Chocolates after lunch.”

Dora’s cheeks puffed up, her eyebrows drawing to a frown when June said, “You know, you could tell me about the monkey,” she said. “He seems to have an interesting story.”

“He’s from Africa,” said Dora, at once.

“Come on, let’s get them upstairs?”

“You don’t have to, June,” said Andromeda, her hair swishing as she turned to June. 

“I’d like to,” said June. “I want to endear myself to her a little. Besides, I wasn’t lying, I’d like to know more.”

Andromeda looked amused, but very pleased as well. June took it as a good sign. “Sirius, Ted’s waiting for you in his study –”

Christ almighty, thought June to herself. A _study._ She didn’t know whether she was fully surprised, but it did take her aback. Sirius took the door on the left of the staircase and disappeared. June cleared up things with Dora, who chattered on and on about monkeys, told her rather a lot about the different species in India and some more about the way they used their tails. Dora’s room was on upstairs, on the left, and June found out why she knew so much about monkeys: there were a few muggle books on monkeys, which she was guessing were from her father. She saw something called _Tales of Beedle the Bard_ in her shelf, and was surprised – she didn’t know wizards had children’s books. There were a few more magical books, and then a Roald Dahl.

“You read Willy Wonka?” asked Dora, forgetting her monkeys.

“Uh – no, I’m sorry,” said June. The lighting of the room slanted. All her crayon drawings were stuck up on a corkboard, and she’d noticed that Andromeda or her husband had animated a few. Dora’s bed was green, and her walls were pink, which clashed terribly, but she had a feeling Dora jumped between colours a lot – since her hair were already shifting from turquoise to green.

“Mum read it to me. I know how to read some things,” said Dora proudly, “But I can’t read _everything_ yet, Dad says. So Mum read it to me. It’s about a chocolate factory. Mum says chocolate factories don’t exist like this one, but Dad says it’s possible.”

“Well,” said June, tapping her nose and pretending to think about it. “We are in the magical world. I don’t see how it’s not possible. I would have to read the book to tell you more, though.”

Dora thrust the book to June. “You read it. You have to bring it back, because it's mine, and you have to tell me what you think about the chocolate factory. And you have to send more chocolate."

June was touched, and she was ready to say so, but a call came from downstairs, instantly distracting them. “Dora! Help me set up!”

June flinched as she watched Dora scramble downstairs. Four year olds had too much energy. She carefully put the book in her bag. That was definitely her Dad’s choice.

It felt strange to straddle childhoods. Maybe June would have been better off with a _Beedle Bard_ book in Hogwarts, but Dora had chocolate factories to contend with as well.

She left the room, trying not to snoop. She found Sirius staring at some of the photos dotting the wall of the stairwell.

She stepped slowly towards him. He glanced at her as she reached a step above him, for once matching his height. “What did she tell you about the monkey?”

“A lot,” said June shortly. “Which bit did you want to know?”

He smirked. “You didn’t have to, you know?”

“I don’t mind children,” shrugged June. “I took care of a lot of my cousins from my father’s side. I’m the eldest.”

“It shows,” he grinned. He was looking at her like butter was melting in her mouth, and she blushed brightly. “Would you like any?”

“Are you offering?” she challenged, raising her eyebrows.

“Goodness, no. Not during a war. I – I can’t tell you how bizarre seeing this wall is,” said Sirius. “I don’t think my mother _has_ a photograph of me that’s not you know – a portrait.”

“Rich boy,” grinned June. “But I… know what you mean. I don’t think my mother has any good pictures of me either. None that she’d hang up, anyway.”

“God forbid we’d know we’re loved, right?” asked Sirius, returning her grin.

June rolled her eyes, but she understood. She turned again to the photographs. She was looking at a picture of Andromeda and her husband during their wedding, but it was funny – there was practically no one else there – except what looked like one set of parents and an old man. “I don’t think I’d want any, anyway,” she said evenly. “I had my share of raising children. They’re fine from a distance.”

He chuckled. He looked at the photo she was examining. “Dromeda and Ted’s wedding, you know.”

“Looks a bit empty,” said June neutrally.

“Yeah, they ran away right after Hogwarts,” said Sirius. “Since I was still at home she didn’t tell me, either. My mother’s a piece of work – if she’d even caught wind of it, there would have been hell to pay. She punished me and Regulus anyway, but I didn’t mind a few nights without dinner. Reg got away with fewer nights because he told Mother whatever he knew. I’d known about ‘Dromeda’s plans but like I was going to tell dear old Mummy.”

June didn’t say anything. Sirius seemed lost somewhere, because he continued without prompting: “’Dromeda felt terrible afterwards, of course, but she never knew how ridiculous Mother was. Her parents were evil, but in less obvious ways. It’s why it took her longer to get out.”

“They look happy,” she said quietly. “The wedding, I mean.”

Sirius shrugged. “Happier than any of my other cousins. Bellatrix gloated in her wedding dress, if I remember correctly. But she wasn’t happy, if that’s what you’re asking. And of course, Dromeda was never invited for the wedding – I think Dromeda tried to stay in touch with her sisters – ah – look, she’s got a photograph of Cissy up.”

June looked at the photograph, and she felt the strangest sensation that she had seen the other girl in the photo before. Blonde haired and grey eyed as she was, she looked far away from everyone and everything _Black._ Her mouth had something steel about her that reminded her strongly of Andromeda, even though they really didn’t look much alike. Out of the blue, the resemblance clicked.

“Narcissa Black?” asked June, surprised. And yes, Andromeda had her arm around a thirteen year old Narcissa Black, who looked prim but pleased. Narcissa was publicly dating Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year Slytherin that was, without debate, one of the nastiest bullies in the castle. And if rumours were to be believed, a Death Eater too. June’s heart stopped. If Narcissa was one of his cousins, then by Bellatrix he probably meant Bellatrix _Lestrange._ She felt like her life had slowed to a halt. At the very least there were no photographs of Bellatrix Lestrange. 

“She was a bit nicer back when she was little. Cold, always,” said Sirius, lost in memories. Something about him seemed both far away and nearby. “But Cissy was smart. I don’t doubt she believes the trash that they all do, but she also sees it more as a matter of convenience. For her, family is over everything else – she’s loyal to her and hers. You won’t understand – it’s – it’s the way Slytherins are. If it weren’t for all the eugenics, they’d be the sort to die with you should it be necessary. Narcissa would lie to Lord Voldemort if it meant protecting her own.”

June wouldn’t know. Her interaction with Narcissa Black had been limited – she’d not seen much of her, and now she wondered if she should pay attention to how the Slytherins treated her now that she was dating Sirius. She glanced at him again, unsure of how to navigate the terrain that was Sirius’ family.

“And the man in the wedding photograph?” asked June. “That’s your uncle, right?”

“No one knows he was there,” said Sirius. “I think I might be the only one. Even if they didn’t disown him then, they must have now. He left me his inheritance.”

June grimaced.

“A little horrific, isn’t it?” he asked, bitter. “The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.”

“I guess I should have known,” teased June. “You’d have to have a truly terrible back story for such an overdramatic personality.”

He nudged her with his shoulder. “Careful, Williams,” he said. “You’re going to make me laugh while I recall my awful childhood.”

“It would be very callous of you,” she said. “How’re you supposed to have emotional weight if you laugh when you discuss your mother starving you?”

He actually _did_ laugh, then. “Your mum ever try that?”

“A few times,” said June. “Not for many days in a row, though.”

“In that case my sad story is worse than yours,” he said triumphantly.

“I’m _poor,”_ June pointed out. “ _And_ a muggleborn.”

He scowled. “Fine,” he said.

They heard Dora shout excitedly from the other room.

Sirius had that look in his eyes again, and June blushed. “God – you look beautiful,” he murmured, eyelashes fluttering. “And I don’t know why you always smell amazing.”

June pursed her lips, but she was pleased. He put one foot on the same step as her.

June didn’t back away, but she felt it was necessary to put up some form of resistance. “They’re in the other room,” she said quietly.

“I risked your mother,” he said. “You have to risk my cousin. The odds are in your favour. My cousin won’t kill you.”

June went even pinker. And he was closer to her too, so the temptation was much stronger. Already, the memory of his kiss felt far away – and she was tempted to memorise it again. “Christ almighty, why must you test me?” she said under her breath, and planted her lips on his.

Her feet never left her step, yet she leaned sharply into him. He braced her instantly, his arms winding around her, making sure she didn’t topple off the stairs. If she wasn’t already swept away and half in love with this ridiculous boy, it was very likely that this kiss would have been the final nail on the coffin. Her heart was beating at a speed she had never really felt, and she didn’t know how to quantify all the things he made her think of. It was dangerous how much she liked him.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to use God’s name in vain,” he breathed into her lips. 

“Call the Pope,” she whispered back, and kissed him again. She’d become greedier, she’d noticed. Because Sirius gave her what she wanted she had learned how to ask.

Just as she felt his hand lower on the back, they heard a cough. Instantly, June jumped back. She nearly toppled, but Sirius held her hand.

The round, pleasant faced man who’d looked into the hallway was smiling. “Sirius, Andromeda is going to have a coronary if we don’t eat soon. She wanted to know if you could help out. It was more of a demand, really.”

Distantly, they heard something crash. “Sorry!” came the yell from Dora.

“We might have a few overenthusiastic helpers,” said Ted, now grinning.

“Oh, Agrippa,” muttered Sirius. “Give me a moment, Ted –”

Sirius hopped over the railing, giving June a heart attack. She rushed forward and leaned against the leaning, peering worriedly. “Do you need any –” 

“No, don’t worry!” he said, sprinting off.

There was silence as it was just June and Ted now in the stairwell. June felt her face becoming pinker and warmer, not helped by the pleasant, slightly knowing smile that Ted sported. It was starting to get a little bit awkward, June thought. "Um, I-"

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” said Ted amiably. “Why don’t you come downstairs?”

June obeyed slowly, still very embarrassed, still very pink. “Did she tell you about Willy Wonka?” asked Ted once she reached him.

June nodded, her voice lost somewhere between being discovered kissing Sirius Black and being in his cousin’s home while doing so. “That was my choice,” he puffed, as they headed into the living room.

“Um,” said June. The sofa was a little old and worn, and it had been bought second hand or been handed down from someone – and the fireplace was an old fashioned one, with a grate that was more ash than metal. This didn’t surprise her, since she was sure the house was connected to the Floo. An antique clock with twelve hands and multiple planets travelling the edge was hung over the fireplace.

“Yeah, Dromeda doesn’t understand Muggle literature. I’m not that much of a reader,” he shrugged. “But I have to say we have much better reading on the muggle side of things.”

She smiled, unsure. She wasn’t sure where she stood with Sirius’ family – these were reportedly the only he had left, apart from the Marauders – and at the very least the Marauders didn’t have anything against her. But Andromeda and Ted weren’t sixteen year old boys who could be wooed with homemade fudge. She was seriously unprepared – back home, the rules of courtship were simpler, since most everyone knew everyone else. It was hard to surprise anyone’s parents when that was the case.

“Sirius told me you liked reading?” said Ted.

June swallowed. Ted was trying really hard, and she was being particularly monosyllabic. He sat on one of the armchairs, and motioned for her to sit as well.

“I do,” said June, slowly settling down on the sofa. “A lot. That’s how we met.”

Ted nodded. “That’s a good story. Andromeda and I were potions partners.”

“Classic,” said June, smothering a smile.

Ted grinned back. “He’s not too bad, Sirius. ‘Dromeda used to be a little concerned back when we first married, because it seemed he’d become something of a bully – but he’s grown out of it.”

Even though June had limited interaction with Andromeda, she found it absolutely insane that anything would have worried or concerned her. Ted must have noticed the expression on her face, because he laughed. “She isn’t very used to showing concern, you’ve got that right. Nerves of steel and all that – all of them have that, the Blacks.”

“I don’t suppose they had much of an option,” muttered June. She didn’t know where the thought came from, but it seemed as natural as breathing. It wasn’t that she hadn’t known Sirius had a difficult home life – it was more that she had not known what it meant to _leave._

“No,” said Ted carefully. “I don’t think they did. Sirius had a worse time than Andromeda, though. Andromeda’s parents never used magic against her. Maybe she would have left if they had.”

June hadn’t left her home, her mother, her father. It wasn’t that things hadn’t been difficult for her – she just had nowhere to _go_ should she leave, and as long as she wasn’t being starved days on end, she didn’t see any sense in tempting fate. Sirius had _magic_ used against him…

“Is Andromeda -?” began June.

“Sometimes we have a letter from Narcissa, but that’s stopped since she started seriously seeing Lucius Malfoy. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was another wedding on the cards. It’s a good, pureblood match. Nothing that will taint the family name, and she’ll probably produce an heir in no time.”

June contemplated this. The force of being with Sirius Black hit her in another way. She felt like laughing when she remembered how worried she’d been about his being popular. His popularity – everything else, that was set dressing compared to this. She was a muggleborn witch with no credentials, no proper family, no real money, dating a pureblood wizard from _The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black_. She’d always known the Blacks were a little insane, and everyone knew Sirius ran away from home, but for the first time she understood why. Her family was cruel to her, too – but this was… this was special.

June decided to look directly at Ted. He was regarding her with some care, too. It was that silent conversation muggleborns had between each other, something she had noticed happened between herself and Lily these days.

“How bad is it?” she asked, fairly.

“It’ll be easier for you, since he’s already run away,” said Ted. “You’re – you’re very young, June, so you might not understand this – but you have to know what you are signing up for. Andromeda and I were followed once we got away, and if it wasn’t for her uncle – well. Sirius was lucky to be with the Potters, I think they shielded him from some of the more dangerous threats to his person.”

Ted didn’t mince words, which was something she appreciated. June chewed her lip.

“They’d have married her off, you know,” said Ted. “Andromeda, I mean. She’s had to learn a lot of things when she came with me – that’s why she’s cooking today, it’s sort of a test for her. She basically knew nothing when we got away. I had to convince her this life was worth it.”

June could see that. The remainders of someone having lived in money were everywhere – the antique clock, the embroidered robes. A lot of it was terribly middle class for her, but the rest was stuff she had no reference for – what did it mean to leave your family? How bad did they have to be? Did Sirius have any remainders from the Black household, at all? Did he keep them as carefully as Andromeda clearly had? Or had he forgotten everything and rid himself of everything, believing it all to be tainted?

“Anything I should watch out for?” she asked lightly.

Ted laughed. “Good attitude. You’ll go far with that. As for what you should watch out for – you should probably be a bit careful of the guilt. It took a while for me to convince Andromeda because she didn’t want to drag me into her insane family. They’re all very guilty, you know? About having insane families influencing their insane decisions. About being richer –”

“About being pureblood,” added June, smirking.

Ted laughed even more. It was almost a relief to be able to say that and make fun of it with someone who _understood_ it. June didn’t bother biting back her laughter.

Sirius burst into the room. “Come for – what are you both laughing at?”

June’s eyes widened when she saw Sirius, wearing a flowery apron.

“Muggleborn thing,” Ted said smoothly. “Come on, June.”

June jumped to her feet. “You said you didn’t know how to cook!” she accused Sirius.

“I don’t,” said Sirius, jumping back in alarm. “I was only helping out a little. Dora said I can’t cook if I don’t wear an apron.”

Dora entered the room at the right moment to testify. She was wearing a small apron for her small four year old self, patterned with ducks. “I did,” said Dora. “June, do you want one?”

June turned to Ted. “You should take a picture of them. Wearing aprons.”

“Hey!” said Sirius. “Don’t –”

“Hold them before he takes off,” Ted ordered, rushing to what she presumed was his study. Sirius immediately reached to take his apron off, and June crossed the room with speed that she didn’t know she possessed and held his hands off.

“Don’t you dare!” she warned, laughing.

“Williams, I swear to God,” began Sirius. “If _anyone_ sees this –”

“You’ll have me hung and quartered,” June finished. “I know. Come on, you’ll look cute!”

Dora patted Sirius’ arm with her wooden spoon. “Mum says she doesn’t take enough pictures.”

Chastised, Sirius complied. His ears red, he re-tied his apron strings, held Dora’s hand when Ted returned, and stood for the photograph. He glared at June when she asked for a copy of the photograph, and Ted promised to send her one whenever he had developed the roll of film.

Some things came easy.

They sat for dinner, and June regarded the spread of food. Remembering what Ted had said, she made a point to compliment how everything looked, and found Andromeda smiling at her in a more genuine way than she had so far. Once she had taken a much larger serving of everything than she normally would have, they began to talk.

“So, June,” said Andromeda, passing around the mashed potatoes. Ted was explaining how aprons were made to Dora. “What do your parents do?”

June served herself the potatoes. “My mother’s a department store clerk. My father is in steelworks.”

“Really?” asked Dora, instantly distracted. “Then how do you go to Hogwarts?”

“I’m a muggleborn,” June offered.

“Like Dad?” she asked. “Is it expensive for muggleborns to go? Why do they both have jobs?”

Andromeda placed a hand on Dora’s, shaking her head.

June tried to ignore her tell-tale blush. “Well, yeah, it is for me. It’s alright though, I have a summer job myself.”

“Did you have one too, Dad?” asked Dora, not having taken her mother’s hint. Andromeda tried to distract her by piling her plate with chicken. Sirius passed June a quick look, which instantly calmed her down. She really didn’t have anything to hide from these people, terribly middle class though they may be.

“Yes,” he said hesitantly. “I worked at an ice cream place, I think.”

“I work summers at Mr Ollivander’s. He pays really well,” said June. “The rest of the expenses are covered by scholarship.”

The knives and forks clinked while everyone ate the food.

“Would you like some elderflower wine, June?”

“Oh – um, no, thank you. I don’t handle alcohol well,” she confessed.

Andromeda laughed. “Do you live in London?” she asked, cutting into her meat.

“No, I live in the North East of England,” she said.

“That’s quite a commute to Diagon Alley!” Ted exclaimed. Despite their very nice conversation, she supposed being working class was unique to her.

“I take the knight bus,” she said. “It’s not so bad. Gives me the hives sometimes, but I enjoy it.”

Andromeda nodded. June thought about dinners with her Mum and Dad, which had gone out of fashion from when she was nine, about all the time she had spent in Hogwarts eating alone or playing a game of chess with Dorcas, about how long it had been that someone had _cooked_ for her and laid it out in a table that seated six. She watched Dora insist that she could serve potatoes _herself_ and felt a rush of affection for this unknown family.

“You’re getting better, ‘Dromeda,” said Sirius, finishing his potatoes. 

June rolled her eyes. “You can’t cook, Sirius. You can’t pass judgements on others, either.”

“Hear, hear!” said Andromeda. June was beginning to think she actually might have made a good impression. “Thank you, June.”

Sirius gave a short, barking laugh. “I do appreciate you having us, though, ‘Dromeda.”

“You could have fooled me,” she said, sipping her wine primly. She paused. “Uncle Alphard would have liked this.”

Sirius was quiet. June watched him. She didn’t understand this – this was not something she could navigate with him. It had cost a lot for the life he had found here, for all three people in the room. Dora didn’t know that, but June did. And there would come a time, she would have to make the same choice. It was surprising to her, how much Sirius had changed her already – a few months ago, this wouldn’t have been a question – she would rather have faded into the background and returned home than try to make a better life for herself. Now – she was certain of where she would go, of what she would choose, but a younger version of her would have been surprised at her choice. 

“He would have,” he said finally. “Easter was a good time for him.”

“All of that chocolate,” sniffed Andromeda. Her eyes were far away, like she was remembering something very specific. “No wonder he had a heart attack.”

Sirius laughed. “You don’t mince words, ‘Dromeda.”

“We’re glad you brought June, though,” said Andromeda. “Uncle Alphard would have loved to meet your girlfriend.”

“She’s not –”

“I would have liked him too,” said June.

He stared at her, surprised. June tried not to meet his eyes, but she could feel a smile coming on her face almost instinctually. The world felt soft and hazy and somewhat happy. Like they had a good story between them, with better traditions. She held his hand for a little while under the table. Thankfully, Andromeda and Ted pretended to be none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's good to be back! Hope you all liked this :D


	31. The Willing Hostage by Elizabeth Ashton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Apologies for disappearing again. I really have nothing to tell you except that once again, my mental health just tanked. Out of nowhere. Well, out of somewhere - **gestures broadly at the world** 
> 
> Anyway, I feel bad for disappearing for over a month without an explanation, but I really do have the rest of the chapters written. I will try to publish them on time. I think something about being late in publishing when you write something that really depends on you publishing regularly kills your motivation to publish even more. You sort of know when you come back your readers may have... moved on. In any case, I hope you're all well - and I sincerely hope you still want to read this story. Love you all, and here's the recap from the last chapter, since I got delayed last time as well. 
> 
> Also, I think I will do a quick recap of what has happened so far, since you know, it's been so long: Sirius found out that June was the one exchanging books with him, and once he did his confusion between the two girls he was interested in became significantly easier to deal with. He found her and asked her out, they went on a date together and barring a few hurdles (June's nerves) have been mostly okay. Meanwhile, Marlene and Mary have been cold to each other since Marlene found out Mary is actually attracted to women. Remus and June have come to something of an understanding together, and it's actually developing into a nice friendship. Lily and James are vibing.
> 
> I think the last chapter was the one where Sirius visits June's home, it was my favourite chapter from this story and all that. We stopped at the point where Sirius was taking June to Andromeda's home.

June’s first mission once she stepped on to platform nine and three quarters was not to find a coach and a seat, but Sarah. Sirius pretended he was offended by her preferences, but she was around two thirds certain he was only joking. He did concede to spending some time with them before returning to his friends after June pointed out that she was _always_ with the Marauders, and he’d never really spent time with Sarah, just the three of them. All he really did while spending time with “just the three of them” was tease her incessantly with Sarah, claim that he was a better kisser than Dawn Forester, and kiss her once before he left to find his friends. Sarah rolled her eyes, but smiled when she saw June melting away, blushing a bright pink and staring outside the train window like she was in a goddamn Hollywood classic.

“He’s really got you, hasn’t he?” Sarah sniggered.

June threw an empty box of Bertie Bott’s at her. She was lucky Sirius had already polished it off.

“How was Black’s cousin?” asked Sarah.

June thought about telling her more about Sirius’ family, but for once, telling Sarah everything didn’t come naturally to her. This felt more private – something she couldn’t share easily. Then, June thought about telling that everything had been terribly middleclass, but Sarah was middleclass too. Middleclass people got very offended when you pointed it out to them. “She was… well, she’s a better cook than I am. I liked her daughter. She gave me a Roald Dahl.”

Sarah bit a smile. “Children’s books, eh? How dreadfully normal.”

Finally, June grinned.

The second thing that happened was more explosive. The tension between Marlene and Mary had to go _somewhere,_ after all.

Lily and Mary were curled up on the sofa. James was incidentally talking to Lily animatedly about Quidditch, and Lily had a fond look on her face as he did. June bit her lip, because she knew where she had seen that look before – and it didn’t bode well for Lily, not at all. Sirius was watching them, equally amused. Remus hadn’t arrived back yet, and June could easily guess why. She didn’t comment when Sirius told her it was because of his “furry little problem.” Peter, feeling less needed amongst what was clearly becoming two sets of couples and a preoccupied Mary, had opted to sleep early. June knew that what he _really_ wanted to do was copy some of Sirius’ homework, but like he was going to say that.

June was diligently writing a letter to Dora, sitting near Sirius’ knees. She had used a large notebook to support this endeavour, and she was scribbling away her thoughts on _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory._ She’d have to remember to sneak into the kitchens to find some chocolate to send her, and she had to remember to ask for a copy of the photograph of Sirius and Dora. Sirius was playing with her hair from time to time, reading his book.

“What are you reading?” asked June, chewing the end of her pen. She was contemplating the paragraph she had written on the possibilities of a chocolate river.

“ _The Willing Hostage.”_

June blinked. She turned to look at him, which was hard, since he was on the armchair. “What?”

He smirked. “You said you liked erotica.”

Her cheeks felt warm. “What the _fuck.”_

He leaned forward, and tapped her on the nose with a single finger. “Sarah gave it to me.”

“I’m going to kill her,” swore June, turning around again, her back to him.

Sirius nudged her with his knee. “Oh come on, it’s just giving me some good ideas.”

June was about to respond very acerbically, but their tiff was gaining the attention of the others on the sofa.

“What are you guys talking about?” asked Mary, interested. The Gryffindor Common Room was mostly empty by now – as nearly everyone slept early on the day the holidays ended. There was practically no one but the seventh years there, who’d already begun to look a little hag ridden by the prospect of their exams.

“She’s upset I’m reading trash,” said Sirius smoothly. “While she’s reading children’s literature.”

“I read it for your niece!” exclaimed June.

“Like my niece has better taste than Lizzie Ashton.”

“Aw, did June get to meet your niece over the holidays?” asked Lily, turning away from James. “Better Easter than having to dodge Severus at the supermarket.”

“Yes,” said June, still concerned with the idea of Sirius reading erotica. “Lily! Sirius is reading trash.”

“You read trash too, June,” Mary pointed out, folding her legs underneath her in the sofa.

“And _you’re_ reading children’s literature,” James pointed out, leaning forward.

“It’s got a magical chocolate factory with a giant river of melted chocolate!” June said, as if that explained everything. To her credit, it did explain everything as far as James was concerned.

“It _does?”_ he asked, immediately. “Hey – can I have the copy?”

“No!” said June, holding the book close to her. “I have to return it to Dora.”

“I have a copy of the book, James,” said Lily, with a muted grin.

“You _do –”_

“You’ll have to wait though,” Lily said, leaning back on the sofa. “I’ll have to write to Mum before I get it. Oh – hi Marlene!”

Marlene had clambered through the portrait hole. “Hey,” she said. “What are you lads up to?”

Far away, the clock in the clock tower chimed to indicate that Marlene had made it just in time for curfew. It seemed to be a good signal for one or two of the fifth years to shuffle of to bed, leaving only them and a couple more seventh years in the corner.

“Sirius reads trash!” said June, pointing an accusing finger at Sirius.

Marlene shook her head. She looked vaguely like she had spent a long walk all by herself – she was carrying tell-tale signs of loneliness. “You read trash, Williams.”

“I _wish_ people would stop bringing that up,” said June, falling back to Sirius’ knees. He mussed her hair affectionately.

“This is eventfully disgusting,” said Marlene. “I’m leaving you lot.”

Despite the fact that it hadn’t rained at all, it smelled like rain when she left. She didn’t wait for anyone to stop her. She disappeared to the dormitory before they could wave a hasty goodbye. The silence settled between all of them. Carefully, Lily’s eyes met June’s – and unconsciously, without thinking about it, they looked at Mary.

Mary sighed softly.

Sirius held June’s shoulder gently, stopping her from saying anything.

“You know what?” said Mary, standing up abruptly. “I’m going to speak to her.”

“Hey – wait!” began Lily, but Mary shook her head and left.

Lily stood up herself, but Sirius stopped her. “Give them a minute,” he said. “There’s no point holding off on this conversation. Either it happens or it doesn’t.”

Lily frowned and sat back down.

“They’re still fighting then?” asked James.

“You noticed?” asked Lily, surprised.

“Well… not exactly,” said James, scratching the back of his head. “Padfoot – Sirius said something was up.”

“Oh,” said Lily, as if it had only just occurred to her that Sirius also knew Marlene. “Of course.”

“Messy business, having a crush,” said Sirius.

“You’re one to talk,” snickered Lily, shaking her hair.

June didn’t contribute at all. She didn’t want to admit she had never known what a crush felt like and had been so blindsided by her feelings for Sirius that she had run away to higher lands. They were quiet for a second – June observed James watching Lily and caught his eye. He blushed just as badly as she did.

On that note, she decided it was best to see the damage upstairs. “We’d best go, Lily,” said June. “It would have exploded by now.”

Lily nodded. “See you boys!”

June kissed Sirius on the cheek swiftly, and he held her hand loosely even as she trailed off. She followed Lily, who was smiling to herself. “Shut up,” said June, pink.

“Didn’t say a word,” said Lily.

“Heavy handed, coming from you,” said June loftily, taking to the dormitory stairwell.

“ _You_ shut up,” she said, following behind her.

They had good judgement, because even as they approached their dormitory, they could hear raised voices. Lily glanced at June, worried, who chewed her lip. “On three?” she asked. Lily nodded tersely.

June counted down quickly, and opened the door.

“… You have to be _kidding_ me, Macdonald, you really have to be –”

“Well you aren’t _telling_ me why you’re upset, so am I supposed to guess?”

“I’m not fucking _upset,_ I just need time to sort through my feelings that’s all! You did nothing wrong–”

They were standing, breathing deeply, far away from each other. Lily and June hesitated when they saw them, because Marlene looked ready to strangle Mary.

“Talk sense to her!” Marlene exploded.

“What do you mean, _talk sense_ to me?” demanded Mary, getting more and more upset. She threw a book at Marlene, which flapped across the dormitory, before Marlene waved it out of her way with her wand. It crashed into a pile of neatly done laundry.

Lily advanced towards Mary, and June to Marlene. June tugged at Marlene’s hand, but Marlene snatched her hand away.

“You are _blind,_ Mary Macdonald,” thundered Marlene. “I don’t fucking give two _shits_ about you snogging Sarah Freegood when you were thirteen. I’m not angry or upset with you for that. I’m not upset with you at all – I’m fucking furious with myself –”

Lily was rubbing Mary’s back slowly. “Why are you angry with _yourself –”_ began Mary.

“Because I’ve spent the better part of the last two years fucking in _love_ with you, you moron!” Marlene shouted.

The silence was deafening. Mary was regarding Marlene with shock that bordered on obscene. June really had to wonder about her – how had Mary missed it? Mary half stepped towards Marlene, but it was a bad move: Marlene stomped out of the room. Mary jumped when the door slammed behind her. 

June looked at Lily, who nodded swiftly. She left the dormitory, went outside to find Marlene sitting on the stairwell, furiously wiping away her tears.

June carefully sat down next to her.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” she said bitterly.

“Look – she’s – she’s not the most observant,” said June quietly. “I mean – you both will come around, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, but at what cost,” murmured Marlene, using the base of her palm to rub her cheeks.

“Look, Marlene,” said June slowly. “You’ve just – you’ve not given her enough time to come to terms with the information you gave her. She’s not really thought about you that way before this, it’s a hard adjustment, trying to figure that sort of stuff out.”

Marlene laughed. “Speaking from experience, are you?”

“Only a little,” said June, with a small smile.

“I’m honestly more angry her first thought was Sarah Freegood instead of me,” said Marlene, leaning against the railing of the stairs.

June giggled. “Sarah’s got something about her, doesn’t she?”

“All Sarah’s got is the power to ruin my life,” said Marlene.

June grinned. “I’ll pass the message,” she said, placing a hand on her knee.

Marlene was so quiet, June was almost worried.

“I can’t go back to the dormitory.”

June thought about it. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” repeated June. “Wait, I can think around this. It’s a bit after curfew, so it might be hard to get to Sarah, and Hagrid will kill me if I’m out so late. Oh – hang on!”

She stood up, holding out her hand for Marlene. Marlene used her support to get up, and June marched past their dormitory, and into the seventh year girls’. Absolutely no one was asleep, everyone was busy worrying over stacks of notes of varying sizes. June spotted the person she wanted to speak to.

“Hey!” said Alice Fortescue, looking up from the book that looked like it had once been a whole tree. “What are you girls doing here?”

June ignored her, looking at Dorcas. “Dorcas, can we ask you for a favour?”

“What’s up, Williams?” she didn’t bother getting up from her bed, peering at them from the top of he rbook.

“Marlene and I need a place to sleep that isn’t our dormitory for tonight,” June informed her. “I know that’s not very nice, and you’re all busy working, but it really is for one night.”

Dorcas searched her. “Alright,” she said, swinging her feet from her bed and shuffling into her slippers. “Which bed should I take?”

“Take mine,” said June. “It’s on the far left.”

“You lot okay with this?” asked Dorcas, addressing the room. “They’re going to be in your space, after all.”

One of the seventh year girls shrugged. “So long as they’re quiet,” she said.

Dorcas turned to Alice. “Yeah, it’s fine by me,” she said. “Everything okay, McKinnon?”

Marlene swallowed. June hesitated. “Just some romantic troubles,” she said.

“I hear that,” murmured the seventh year girl who had spoken before.

Alice looked at them with more sympathy. “You should go to bed,” she said. “Things are usually better by morning. Take it from me.”

“Of course,” said June, bobbing her head. “Come on, Marlene.”

She dragged them both to Dorcas’ bed. Dorcas was taking her book and throwing on her dressing gown when Marlene hesitated. “Er – thanks Meadows.”

“Don’t mention it,” said Dorcas, with a half-hearted salute. She headed out of the dormitory, with Marlene watching her retreating back.

Marlene turned to June. “You’re _friends_ with Dorcas Meadows?”

“Yeah,” said June, spreading out the covers. “I mean – friends is perhaps a stretch, but we’re… people who hung out sometimes. Well, a lot more a year ago, when she had more time.”

“You have more and more layers, don’t you, June?” asked Marlene. “Fancy you being friends with that prickly Chess legend.”

June rolled her eyes. She didn’t have it in her to explain that she was mostly friends with Dorcas _for_ the Chess games. “Why don’t you take the left side? I’ll go for the right,” she addressed Marlene.

Marlene looked at her. “You don’t have to stay, June –”

“I’d like to,” said June. “Come on, let’s get to sleep. I know we don’t have comfortable clothes –”

“You can take some of mine,” said Alice. She handed them both sleeping shorts and a Tee. “Oi! Betty – give your ridiculously large grey shirt to McKinnon.”

The brown haired girl on the far right of the room – Betty – rummaged through her cupboard and threw a grey shirt at Marlene. “Get changed,” said Alice. “Headgirl’s orders.”

They scurried to the bathroom gratefully. June quickly changed into the sleeping clothes, folded her robes, and waited for Marlene. When Marlene was done, she folded her robes as well, and they returned to Dorcas’ bed.

It was a lucky thing that Hogwarts beds were as big as they were, thought June as she put away the robes on the floor near the bed. “I’m just going to speak to Lily, okay?”

Marlene nodded, sitting on the bed.

June hurried out, took to the stairs and knocked on her dormitory room. Lily emerged, looking worried. “How is she?”

“Alright,” said June. “We’re going to sleep. I won’t leave her alone tonight, don’t worry.”

“Good,” Lily agreed. “I’ll make sure this one sleeps, but she doesn’t look like she’s going to catch a wink.”

June laughed hollowly. “You go to sleep, then. Or, try.”

Lily smiled. “You too, June.”

She rushed back upstairs, to the seventh year girls dormitory. Everyone was a lot quieter now, even though they were all still busy working. Marlene had gotten under the covers, and June joined her. Marlene hesitated.

“What?” June asked.

“Um – are you comfortable?” asked Marlene, in uncharacteristic nervousness.

“Yes,” said June, puzzled. “What’s bothering you?”

“Most girls… aren’t, when they find out –”

“Oh,” said June. She appreciated the strength it had taken Marlene to admit that. “Well, they’re wrong.”

Marlene didn’t say anything to that. June held her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Marlene looked like she was going to cry all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all good, I have missed you. Do review!


	32. Starcharts: Graphing and Interpretation by Emily Dearborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! I hope you guys are alright with me working a little slower, I'm just trying to get the hang of operating like a real person. 
> 
> And also some people were really touched with the conversation between Marlene and June last chapter - and full discloser, I'm... trying to do my best with queer identities, but I am limited and I might get something wrong. Please don't hesitate to tell me if I get something wrong. The conversation between Marlene and June was something I had been told about by a friend, it wasn't my experience - but I thought it was fitting. 
> 
> Either way thank you for sticking with me through all these ups and downs.

June lost no time in telling Sarah about everything that happened between Mary and Marlene. Sarah’s frown became more and more pronounced as June told her the whole of the story at the Hufflepuff breakfast table, with a very soft _Muffliato_ cast around them.

“Yikes,” said Sarah, once June was done.

“You said it,” said June, leaning back on the bench, seemingly exhausted by the narration.

“Not like we didn’t know, of course,” said Sarah.

“Marlene’s feelings were fairly obvious,” agreed June, beginning to cut into her omelette.

“I’m proud of how you dealt with it, though,” Sarah offered.

June blushed. “Thanks. Can I ask you something?”

“’Course,” said Sarah, also diving into her breakfast.

June put her knife and fork down. “Well… Marlene said that girls shy from physical contact once they know you’re…”

Sarah waited.

“Attracted to women,” finished June. “Is that…?”

Sarah nodded. “Dawn Forester wasn’t angry with me just because of what she thought I was, Williams. She was angry that I hadn’t said anything before.”

“Because…?”

“Because she thought I was taking advantage of our friendship. You can’t blame her. She’s a pureblood and they’re a lot worse when it comes to this.”

“Christ.”

Sarah’s smile twitched. “Now would a good Catholic girl use the lord’s name in vain?”

“This isn’t in vain,” June dismissed, picking up her knife and fork again.

Sarah took a sip of her orange juice. “So, what next?”

“Marlene went to the dorm and wanted to be alone,” said June, biting into a piece of toast. “Let’s see how this proceeds.”

“This isn’t going to go _well,_ you know,” said Sarah slowly. June suspected she was right, but she wasn’t happy about it.

And Sarah wasn’t wrong. As the day progressed, it became apparent that Marlene wanted nothing less than the chance to speak to Mary. Given that June understood the instinct, she indulged her by allowing Marlene to pair up with her and Sarah very frequently. Mary naturally gravitated to Lily, and Lily confessed around lunch, “She’s been mostly quiet, but we’ve had a long conversation on Marlene.” Lily looked harried and a little tired. “I spent some time with Marlene as well, but she _really_ doesn’t want to talk about it.”

June chewed her lip, but didn’t contradict her at all. Marlene hadn’t been conducive to conversation – Sarah had cracked a few smiles out of her, but it was an uphill battle otherwise.

She told Sirius about it more during Charms. Since Sirius and June had started dating, Sarah and Sirius had divvied up June’s classes for who got to sit with her. Sarah had tried to make the argument that since she was friends with June for longer, she ought to get a larger share of her classes. Sirius had meanwhile argued that she already had a whole extra Care of Magical Creatures with her, and Sirius and Sarah had become friends with her around the same time.

June had tried to interrupt by standing up for her rights as an individual, but to no avail. “Stay out of it, Williams,” had been Sarah’s order.

So here she was. Charms, Transfiguration and Defence with Sirius, and Potions, Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures with Sarah. Ancient Runes was all hers.

“No word from Macdonald that sounds like a ‘yes,’ then?” he asked.

“Your silencing charm is going weird,” she pointed. The bullfrog had developed a hacking cough. It was funny enough to see but definitely not the intended purpose. And this was a _review_ class, he really ought to have a better hand on the silencing charm by now.

“Focus, Williams,” said Sirius with a grin.

“No,” sighed June. “Please don’t tell the others.”

“Alright,” he said. “It feels strange to be in on the girls’ gossip.”

June glared at him, crossing her arms. “I only told you because I need you to be ready in case I cancel on you.”

“And because you love gossiping,” he said with a wink.

“Every day I regret saying yes to you,” said June, scowling.

Sirius was still smiling, but he assured her that he was ready to have her swept away by the forces of gossip. June beat him away with her Charms textbook.

Between making sure Marlene was feeling better, going out with Sirius, and preparing for her finals, she had something of a packed schedule. It didn’t help that Sirius would drag her away under the ostensible guise of “practicing transfiguration,” and find herself in a situation which involved very little practice of any kind that wasn’t snogging.

She’d been finding some time to talk to Lily between breaks. Sometimes, their free periods lined up well. They’d both been in the common room, trying to concentrate on Ancient Runes, and Lily looked properly exhausted.

“She’s really in a strange place right now. I think it never occurred to her that Marlene was an _option,_ right?” Lily scribbled furiously into the margins of her Ancient Runes book.

“Right,” nodded June. She was pretending to skim through a chapter but really, she was listening to Lily.

“So here we are. I didn’t even know Mary was a lesbian, she told me _now_. She said she wasn’t forced to come out or anything, but she’d been meaning to for ages.”

“Um,” supplied June helpfully, making a small note in her chapter.

“And I’ve known Marlene was bisexual since – oh, I don’t know, second year,” said Lily, continuing to scribble feverishly. “She told me she had a crush on Rachel Smalls. You know –”

“Elizabeth Smalls’ sister,” nodded June.

“God – I don’t know how they’re going to sort it out. But – and don’t tell Marlene this – I think Mary might be thinking of her. As an option, I mean.”

June suppressed the excited smile.

“Oh, go on,” said Lily, noticing immediately. “And now _focus!_ We rarely get time to do our work with all this drama.”

June continued smiling as her eyes swooped back to her Ancient Runes textbook.

It was a miracle that they’d found any time at all, but sometime in the next week Sarah had noticed that June was beginning to get tired. They’d all taken an afternoon off after Care of Magical Creatures, and they had found a tree near the lake to observe the first years trying to bait the giant squid.

April had brought lovely weather with it, the chill of spring was beginning to fade into the heat of summer. One week into April, and everything hinted at summer. For once, June wasn’t even dreading the coming of summer. If things were going well – she’d get to meet Sirius, and Sarah had promised to call her for a few weeks, as had Lily. For now, Marlene lay down on the gross. June had taken off her shoes and socks, digging her toes into the grass. Sarah was sitting cross legged, braiding her hair.

“I must say, it’s nice not to be followed around by Snape,” said Marlene. “One of the perks of hanging out with you guys.”

Sarah snorted.

“By the way,” said Marlene, watching the sky. “Thanks… for letting me join in with you guys.”

“Williams is very straight,” said Sarah. “I needed company anyway.”

Marlene lifted her head up to crack a grin.

“I am _not!”_ said June, her fingers locked into her toes.

“You called Dawn Forester fit,” dismissed Sarah, deftly braiding her hair.

“Oh, June,” said Marlene, shaking her head. She fell back into the grass.

She’d noticed Marlene now called her June. It made her feel warm inside.

“She’ll come around, though, Marlene,” said June, biting her lip.

“Ah, what’s the use. These things ruin friendships,” said Marlene. “I could never quite get a read on her. Her preferences – I had no idea what she might like, so I put away my feelings for the friendship. I might have asked her out if I _knew_ she was interested in girls. I really ought to have known – she never _really_ liked the one or two boys she went on a few dates with.”

“Could have asked me,” said Sarah, using a hair tie on her braid. “I’d have told you in a heartbeat.”

“It’s bad enough that she thought of you before me, Freegood,” Marlene said. She was looking at the clouds but June could hear the roll of her eyes.

“But I don’t understand,” said June with a frown. She put her hands on her knees. “If she already was interested in girls, how come she didn’t know Marlene liked her?”

“You’re one to talk, Miss ‘I-don’t-have-a-chance-with-Sirius-Black,’” said Sarah, tossing her braid behind her and uncrossing her legs.

June went pink. “Well… Marlene was pretty obvious.”

“It’s harder to know with girls, June,” sighed Marlene, propping herself up on her elbows.

“Why?” she asked.

Marlene glanced at Sarah. “I’m telling you,” said Sarah. “Hopelessly straight.”

Marlene leaned on her hands. “If you weren’t dating, and a boy always found excuses to hold your hand you’d think he might be interested, right?”

“Right,” June said.

“What if a girl did it? Would you think she’s interested?”

Something clicked. “Oh.”

“There you go,” said Marlene. “Ah, fuck. I have Astronomy work to do. I’d better head upstairs. I’ve left my copy of _Starcharts_ in the dormy.”

“We’ll come –”

“No, June,” said Marlene shaking her head. “You look exhausted. Spend time with Freegood. God knows it relaxes you more than whatever workout Black makes you do.”

June blushed red. Sarah let out a shout of laughter.

Marlene smiled wanly and stood up. “See you, ladies.”

June watched Marlene trudge to the castle entrance. Sarah was leaning back on the tree trunk, her eyes shut.

“Hey Sarah?” she asked.

“Mm?”

“What does bisexual mean?”

Sarah cracked an eye open. “Someone attracted to men and women.”

“Oh,” said June. “That’s possible?”

“Sometimes people lean more towards one than the other.” Sarah shut her eyes again.

“Okay.” June focussed on her toes again. Her legs were cramping, so she crossed her legs. She hesitated, and then asked very cautiously: “And you are?”

“Not attracted to men at all. A lesbian,” said Sarah, without opening her eyes.

“And is it okay I asked you all this?”

“Yes,” said Sarah. “But only because it’s me. With others, don’t assume preferences, and don’t ask what they identify as.”

“Alright,” nodded June.

“Just ask me when you get confused.”

“Got it.” 

“Don’t worry, Williams,” said Sarah, finally opening her eyes. “You aren’t that bad for a Catholic straight girl attracted to the rebel boy.”

June blushed pink. “Shut up.”

“Oh my god,” said Sarah, suddenly getting up. “It’s the Catholicism, isn’t it? That’s why you’ve fallen for him – I should have known.”

“What – _no!”_ said June, horrified.

“It _is!”_ crowed Sarah. “You repressed Catholic girl! What did he do? Did he turn up at your house in a leather jacket and a motorbike? Smoke a cigarette with you?”

June was blushing all the colours of the spectrum. “He wore a leather jacket, but it wasn’t – he didn’t – there was no motorbike!”

“Small mercies, Williams,” said Sarah, leaning against the trunk of the tree again.

“Oh God,” said June, burying her face in her hands. “I’m going to have to break up with him if he gets a motorbike, aren’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love reviews!
> 
> I also figured the conversation between June and Sarah made sense, since this was the 70s and June grew up in a kind of conservative household. She'd have known some things but not everything, and people not knowing bisexuality is something very common even now... so, you know.


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